Westerngirl; a tragedy in the making

[Jim (Dipolog)]

.....You're 20 and you're married? ... The typical 20 year old I know is working towards her bachelor's degree, dating, clubbing, ... Really, she wouldn't want to be at home cooking and cleaning for a man. That can happen when she's 30. A 20 year old girl needs to have fun. To have The Experience. There's plenty of time to settle down in her 30's. .....

Ha!  I have been away from the list for awhile;  stopped by and read Westerngirl's story and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at the sight of it.  The snips above illustrate perfectly why AW (in general) are doomed to a life of empty shallow moments.  The above is so terribly self-indulgent, hedonistic, and short-sighted.  

It is the epitaph of the state of AW; the terrible tragedy is that they can read and write such idiocy and not see that the end of that story is regret, scars, and a loneliness that will span the decades after their their youthful beauty has disappeared.

Should I laugh, or should I cry?  I guess I would cry, if I thought it would help.

I am 43, have an MBA, earn close to $200K (in a good year), and would not consider (seriously) dating an AW, though opportunities present themselves regularly, for precisely the reasons implicit in Westerngirl's twisted point of view.  

I am sorry Westerngirl, for the difficulties you will no doubt need to experience, before you will know what I am talking about.  I am even more sorry that on that day you finally get it, your young pretty face, and your innocent heart, will be but a memory.  This is your moment and your chance.  But you have no idea what I am talking about, do you?  I am sorry for that....

Jim

[Mars]

... in response to Westerngirl; a tragedy in the making, posted by Jim (Dipolog) on Jan 25, 2001

Words of wisdom indeed. Truth has no special time.....It's hour is now....always.

[Pete]

... in response to Westerngirl; a tragedy in the making, posted by Jim (Dipolog) on Jan 25, 2001

...Give the whole AW thing a rest already. Not every AW
is evil so you don't need to be so dramatic about it. My
sisters are good wives...my mom is a good wife. A few
of my friends are good wives. I agree in that
westerngirl's views are about as opposite to my own as
they can get....hopefully she'll grow wiser as she gets
older. She's only 20....Personally, even though I thought
I did, I didn't have a clue until my later 20s. If you've
been burned by any women youve dated or married,
that's YOUR experience and I feel for ya...but the whole "vicious AW"
rants are played out.

Btw, dropping your stats and how much you make per
year on a public forum is pretty tacky....even if you
WERE just trying to get the point across that you're
"doing well" in life.

[Jim (Dipolog)]

... in response to Oh please...., posted by Pete on Jan 26, 2001

A quick follow-up...

I was not bragging when I dropped my stats, and regret having given that impression.  I was simply hoping to help WG see that many of the kind of men she hopes to marry one day, when she gets good and ready, won't be interested in her.  MANY men will even think that at 30 SHE is the one who is TOO OLD.  (Won't that be a kick in the pants?  Wonder if she will still have those age blinders on at that time?)

As for AW, I do not hate AW.  But the "Experience" WG promotes, as I understood it, was the experience of being a tramp.  A great many young AW are embracing that particular experience.  They give themselves to men who couldn't care less for them.  Then, when they meet the man they "love", the man who cares about them, well, he gets the left-overs.  

Her husband gets not the innocent, trusting, eager-to-please girl she once was, but instead he gets the callous, hardened, suspicious, lady that she has become, as a result of her "experience".  A woman who "loves" her husband would not willingly do that to him.  Nor would she condemn the children she "loves" to be raised by such a mother.  Yet it happens all the time these days.  Divorce is rampant as a direct result.

I was not, in my earlier post, hating AW.  No.  I was earnestly hoping, though sincerely doubting, that WG might be able to see the truth.  That she might see it while still young enough to make decisions that will help her to build the happy family that she will one day wish she had spent these precious years building, as opposed to advocating living like a tramp.

Just my opinion, offered w/o intent to antagonize.

Jim

[Lori]

... in response to Oh please...., posted by Pete on Jan 26, 2001

made you look

[cc]

... in response to Westerngirl; a tragedy in the making, posted by Jim (Dipolog) on Jan 25, 2001

Jim, I think you "nailed" it - by the time WG understands, she will have lost her youth and innocence, she will be heart broken and she will become just another "bitter" AW (well CW...). WG will come to hate men, because she doesn't realize that while she was trying to have fun with the guys, the joke was on her and she was the one being used for fun, not the other way around. It's sad, but it's all too likely I am afraid...

[Westerngrrl]

... in response to I agree, posted by cc on Jan 26, 2001

My point is that I don't understand why 20 something women from Asia want to be married when they can spend at least a few years having some fun before settling down.  If a guy can have his fun, then so can a girl.

[Mars]

... in response to Re: I agree, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 26, 2001

So?......Have fun. It is your choice. Why wonder about someone elses choice? *Yawn*

[Carrisse]

... in response to Re: I agree, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 26, 2001

If you refused to understand why.  There are two things why Asian women in their 20s marry guys who are in their 40s (although not many of them do--this is just a misconception).

--Love - Never, ever discount this fact.  Many if not most of them marry for love.  Don't go by the statistics because you won't see the real picture.  Go by facts by getting to know those who are in this relationship.

--Economics - Don't get me wrong, I'm not agreeing with your view that we (yes I am an Asian woman and no I didn't marry for money and no, I didn't marry a 40 year old man but a wonderful man 3 years younger than me and no, I didn't get married when I was 20--more like 33) are materialistic.  Hello, you can find materialistic AWs/BWs/LWs sooooooo why do you think we are different?  Although a number of us are materialistic, some Asian brides marry for economic reasons. Were you born without a mattress?  I think not.  You didn't even know how it is to walk 15 miles round-trip just to get the much needed education without shoes on (okay, I added the last part just to make the guys laugh). Is it wrong to marry someone just because he can give you a better life?  People are doing it for centuries, why do you think we are different?  History will tell you that a princess married a prince from a nearby kingdom just so their two kingdoms can merge and become powerful.  The late Diana, Princess of Wales was a (gasp!) commoner and so is Fergie.  Why do you look down on people who did the same thing?

My advice--complete your education, grow up and get real.  GET A LIFE!!

Carrisse, a Filipina who really doesn't care if you have an MBA or a PhD, common sense is good enough.

[Paulv]

... in response to Point moot...., posted by Carrisse on Jan 26, 2001

WG's mindset somehow seems to preclude two people of any age being in love and married and having fun.  It seems her point is that once the 20 something girl has married she won't have fun any more coz she's tied down.

Well, that opinion seems one part 1800s mis-perception and one part 1990s rubbish.

Today's 20 somethings aren't really having that much fun, I know a lot, and if you've spent any time in youth counseling you would know first hand that today's average modern, Western, big-city girl is lonely, often-depressed, insecure about herself, unsure of her direction or future, scared of all the unkown out there in the world and often, just plain lost.  Having fun -- sure, lots of them like to think so, but just hear what they say when they step into a counselor's office -- then the tune changes -- a lot!

The rampant binge drinking and drug use is a clear symptom of how lost and unhappy today's youth has become.  Night after night of heaving drinking, drugs, mindless dancing to mindless, droning music until you "zone" and are literaly in a zombie-like state cannot measure up to the "fun" experienced by a healthy and self-confident individual.

On the other hand, I think all people in happy and healthy marriages would object loudly to the idea that "fun" ends with marriage.

I know that my 20ish fiancee and I are having lots of fun, and are going to keep right on having lots of fun right on up to the last breath we take.  We love to go out dancing, roller-blading, hiking and swimming, and a million other things too!  In fact, doing just about anything with the one you love, and who loves you back, is fun!

And it won't be by drinking or druging ourselves into a stupor, destroying our ears and brains with nauseating bullpuck so called "music" ( Macy Grey is, of course, wonderful ) that you hear in most of the 20ish clubs or talking and living like brain-dead vegetables on legs.  No, it won't be like that at all.

It's not about age, or age differences. It's about culture. Those who, like WG, do lip-service for the burned-out, dead end, cultures can only see marriage as an end of something. To those that exist in the wilder, more natural, less-tamed and burned out cultures of the world, marriage can still be a beginning -- a joyful beginning!

So, three cheers for FUN!  Married fun.  And to all the others like WG, too bad --- hope you find a life somewhere!

Paulv

[Ray]

... in response to Your Forgot Fun, posted by Paulv on Jan 26, 2001

n/t

[Dave H]

... in response to Your Forgot Fun, posted by Paulv on Jan 26, 2001

N/T

[Bear]

... in response to Your Forgot Fun, posted by Paulv on Jan 26, 2001

Married life is more fun and a lot safer than the mindless immature acts of the young irresponsible "I just wanta have fun" adults today.

There isn't anything like being in my wifes arms.  I'll do anything to make her happy because i know she wants the same for me.  I don't have to do anything even close to being semi-illegal or dangerous to be satisfied or to satisfy her and end up smilling for days for having done it.

When its all said and done the best you'll ever feel is when you are holding a loved one in you arms knowing that you have made them happy and that they love you!!!  

You can be in the ultimate throws of destitude and know/be happy.  Wealth just isn't important.

Bear

[Anna]

... in response to Yeah!!!!, posted by Bear on Jan 27, 2001

 The most important is that both love each other and enjoy each company. And as a guy, should do all your best for the girl no!

 
Anna V

[Jeff S.]

... in response to Yeah!!!!, posted by Bear on Jan 27, 2001

There's nothing more fun than walking hand in hand along the beach with my wife, watching the sun set, talking, and maybe stopping for a coffee or ice cream. No amount of drinking, dancing or chasing puzzy was ever that much fun!
-- Jeff S.