The Good, the Bad and the Funny

[kented]

When my 9 year old step-daughter got off the plane in Phoenix, she told me she needed me to buy her a new watch.  “Why do you need a new watch?”,  I asked.  Because this watch has Costa Rica time and I need one with Phoenix time.  We ate lunch in downtown Phoenix and they marveled at the skyscrapers (30 stories), and in my house they marveled at the garbage disposal and the dishwasher.  So much for the wonder of being in the US.  

My life changed overnight.  The great parts are that I eat well and am not allowed to clean up (I think I’ll adjust to that).  We have a great Christmas tree, meticulously decorated, the 9 year-old absolutely adores me and my house is now a home.  

I know we have had some discussions about the importance of the man taking charge and that will never play out exactly like that in my house.  My wife has struggled most of her life and I need to ask her permission about things.  I don’t think she could be described as an uncomplicated person or someone who will let a man to control her life.  Last night I woke up at 3AM and just watched her sleep for a while.  Why did I go south?   I have a gorgeous wife who adores me and gives me a great home.  But she doesn’t take orders, requires delicate treatment and cares more about her mother’s welfare than her own.  

My wife gave away a houseful of furniture and flew to the US to be with me.  In doing so she placed her life in my hands.  I know she feels insecure and uncertain because of that.  She is no longer in complete control of her life.  She loves me but she isn’t sure she wants me to have total control of her life.  I have learned to not quibble about anything.  She spends money carefully and I need to give her as much of what she had in CR to make her feel safe.  

So many of us talk about red flags.  There are none with my wife.  She  is totally honest and sincere but even after ten reasonably successful days (no bloodshed) I realize what an enormous challenge this  will be.  We can communicate perfectly in Spanish and I can’t imagine a relationship without this ability to communicate.  I know many relationships have worked without a common language at first, so I guess it isn’t essential.  We lived together in CR for four months and that really helps.  I understand what she considers normal and I can try to give it to her.  

I really see challenges and the only reason I feel confident is that I love and trust my wife and am really willing to work to  make her happy.  And the work is constant.  Translating the keys points of the driving manual into Spanish (in AZ she can take the test in Spanish but the manual with the rules is only in English), giving three people English lessons (until school starts and then it will be homework help), bike riding with the nine-year-old.  The girls are great and it helps that I know them also.  

In summation every Latina is different.  If I had gone south to find a submissive woman who wanted a man to save her, I obviously failed.  But my wife is “hogareña” (domestic, home-loving).  She knows how to take care of me as long as I don’t give her orders or hurt her extremely sensitive feelings.  Complicated, gorgeous, devoted.  In two weeks I have realized that it won’t be easy but that my wife is worth it.  

Happy New Year to all.  Those of you with successful marriages, you are my role models.  And those of you new to the process or previously unlucky, hope you are finally in the right place at the right time.  

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Muchas gracias, Kented! Eres un muy buen ejemplo para todos.

[Edge]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Good luck kented - much of whether you will have a happy marriage is if you are compatible with one another.  You did have 4 months together but that was in Costa Rica.  I think one of the hardest parts to these marriages is finding the time to determine how compatible you are with one another before you get married.

Colorado also does not have the drivers manual in Spanish but you can download the manual in Spanish from the ADOT website in pdf.  This is what I did here in Colorado for my wife.

http://www.dot.state.az.us/mvd/driver/driverservices.htm

Happy New Year to you also..

[thundernco]

... in response to compatible..., posted by Edge on Dec 31, 2004

From our family to yours, our warmest wishes for a healthy and happy 2005! -TNC

[Pete E]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Get the kids a puppy.They will love it.
Good luck.The adjustment can be interesting watching them adapt.Try to make it fun for them because it will have its difficulties for sure.

Pete

[kented]

... in response to Holiday gift suggestion, posted by Pete E on Dec 31, 2004

Great suggestion but I already have two dogs.  They went to CR so the family already knows them.  Not my wife's favorite part of coming to the US since she made the dogs sleep outside in CR and they are house dogs here.

Ironically they had to give away their pet rabbit since rabbits can't travel out of CR.  People can, dogs and cats can, rabbits can't.  Go figure.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Holiday gift suggestion, posted by kented on Jan 1, 2005

In Cali most dogs are house dogs,unless they live on a finca.For me its easier having the dogs inside and keeping relatively clean than the problems of an outsidedog coming in.
My ex had a little poodle.I was glad it did not come,stayed with mama.I promised my step son a dog when they came .The second day he says,"Pete,Pero?" .So the next day we wet and got the dog I always wanted,a golden Retriever.There were 3 puppies.One just went right for my ex,Rocio,like he new this was the lady he would be with.They still have him.She told me "he choose me,you jusy pay the money." I said "I know,I wouldn't take him from you." He sleeps on the bed with her.When our marriage was very bad she went and slept with her son,12 at the time.It was her,him and the dog all on a single bed.
I love dogs,especially that dog.I tell Colombianas she got my Casa,my carro and my pero.This dog even loves the mail man.The only time he ever  growled at anybody was when a crazy street guy got too aggresive with Rocio.

Pete

[kented]

... in response to Re: Re: Holiday gift suggestion, posted by Pete E on Jan 1, 2005

My dogs have slept in my bed for 56 years but it ain't happening with my wife.  I'm lucky she lets them sleep in the bedroom on the floor.  

I would have rather found a woman who loves dogs like I do but I'm sure you agree that your ex's love for dogs didn't make up for the things that didn't work in your relationship.

[A1A]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Congratulations, you have made a great start.  You obviously know if you treat her like a queen, she will treat you like a king.  Happy New Year.
A1A

[zack]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

I'm truly glad to hear that things are going well for you Kented.
Happy New Year.

Zack

[thundernco]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Congratulations! Even after years, I can honestly say it get's better all the time.  -TNC

[valleydude]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

Nice! I'm glad all is going well and thanks for the update.

Happy New Year!

V-Dude

[Jeff S]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

All the best to you and your new family Ken. I remember when a 9 year old bundle of enthusiasm and curiosity (along with her mother) stepped off the plane to take over my life. It was a great moment and hearing you describe it brings back floods of wonderful memories. BTW - she turns 29 this June!

Wishing for a great 2004. Keep us posted now that the trails are over and the tribulations beginning.

- Jeff

[thunderbolt]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

I am happy for you and your family.  Best of luck and happy new year!

[soltero]

... in response to The Good, the Bad and the Funny, posted by kented on Dec 30, 2004

[This message has been edited by soltero]

Go to http://www.dmv.org/fl-florida/department-motor-vehicles.php. Download the Florida driving manual which is in Spanish. The driving laws are all the same and if there are any differences, they should be minimal.