... in response to Opinions On this Article Ref: Marriage w..., posted by NightRaven on Dec 31, 2003

NightRaven

I think most of the talk here has been about stepchildren,  particularly when the woman has children from another man.  I think the article was mainly talking about children born in the marriage where the husband and wife are the natural parents.

Steve

... in response to Re: Kids or StepKids, posted by NightRaven on Dec 31, 2003

In my  situation , the child is a STEPCHILD.My wife came here for 6 months without her son so she could make a transition. We had a wonderful relationship. When the boy got here, it all changed and i mean almost overnight.She would not sleep with me much and slept with the boy(4 years old) most of the time. I was almost ignored at times and whatever/whenever the boy wanted, i was the one on the losing end. Disipline was a problem and the boy destroyed many things in my home with her mother not doing anything to disipline him and then when i did, she would get angry with me. The boys father was another issue all together, and he has caused more problems then you can believe. When you combine all of these issues together, the end result is that we are seperated and she is back in Cali . I honestly have not made a final decision on divorce or not, but i am of the opinion that you cannot change peoples personality or how they view things as right or wrong. I would appreciate any comments or suggestions anyone might have on the subject because it is hard to find anyone local that has a simular situation.

This is a worse case senerio and i do not want anyone to think that all Latin women with children are like this . All i know is that my wife is like this and it is just not working out.

Andy

... in response to Opinions On this Article Ref: Marriage w..., posted by NightRaven on Dec 31, 2003

IMHO you can increase the percentages when you are talking about latin women.

I think Latin women are more overprotective and consumed with the raising of the child moreso then AW . I think the man is the one who suffers more because there i so much attention given to the child then to the husband. This is/was the case in my marriage and i have spoken to other men married to latin women , and this seems to be the case in a lot, but not all , of there experiances as well.

Just an opinion though.

Andy

... in response to Re: Re: Opinions On this Article Ref: Ma..., posted by mar33 on Dec 31, 2003

You do your homework and don't marry the first arm candy who crosses your path. Spend time getting to know your novia's family and how she interacts with others. Does she work, study? or just stay at home and prune her nails.

My husband and I have a 2-year old son and I am usually the one disciplining him and giving him time-outs.

I have two sisters and a young brother. My mother never spoiled him eventhoug he is her only boy. He is now 25. He works and give part of her salary to my mother every month (as we all 4 do). He also cooks, washes dishes, cleanes the house, gets the groceries. I don't think all latino women spoil their children. Some of you just happened to be marry to women you don't know and oh surprise.

... in response to Re: That's why, posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 31, 2003

If you really spent time and still didn't work. I don't think there is reason to spend more time in someone you think only wants to get here. I still believe there are so many beautiful and good women out there in Colombia and other South American countries sincerely wanting a good marriage to waste your time with some body who doesn't give a damn about you.

... in response to Re: That's why, posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 31, 2003

It could be of some help if you decide to go back with your wife. I hope Ralph doesn't get mad at me, but I brought it from the archives for you and others in similar situation. Kind of long, but very helpful.

I am in a similar situation with my novia's son who just turned seven. He was the biggest brat, always whined, never listened to his mom etc etc etc. In fact the kid's grandmother on the father's side told my novia she would never be able to find a man that would put up with him.
Within a week of me living here, everyone noticed an 80% improvement! The first time I ever took him out with us, he refused to put on his seatbelt. Whined etc etc etc, and the mom let him get away with it. The next time we were going out, I explained that we were going to the circus, but if he took the seatbelt off, I'd make a U turn and take him home. The belt stayed on, and after the circus he couldn't put it on, but spent the ENTIRE ride trying!
I took him to the beach with us once and made him promise to behave. The first several hours he was an angel.I bought him a n inflatable dolphin to play with. Then I ordered lunch and I went to go call him. He just laughed and continued swimming. I told him lunch was ready. He still laughed. I sent his Mom to call him, she spent 45 minutes chasing him in the water, and he just laughed at her. I gave up on lunch and headed inside to the bar. When she finally got him to come, she had him change and we left. As we got outside, I threw his dolphin in the garbage and drove home in silence. His Mom told me that night he asked why I did that and when she explained, he said I was a bad man. The next time I needed to drive him someplace, I didn't talk to him. He was very concerned. He asked his mom why I was mad at him. She explained that it was because he didn't listen to me. I corrected her, and explained it was more because he didn;t listen to his mom. Also he promised to behave and then broke that promise, making a fool out of his Mom. I asked him who the most important person in the world was. He said his Mommy. I asked him why he wanted to make her look foolish and make her sad. He just shrugged. I told him that his behavior was VERY bad and I would not go out with him unless he promised to never act that way again.

OK, so my first week of me actually living here, my novia and her son had already been in the apartment 3 weeks. The kid was NEVER allowed outside to play! One night he asked me if he could go outside. I said, sure, if you come immediately when I or his Mom called. He promised, gave me a hug and went out to play. At one point, I couldn't see where he was and called him, he came running up the stairs. I told, him I just needed to make sure he was OK, and he could continue playing. He skipped back down the stairs.
Later, when dinner was ready his Mom called and he came right up. She was AMAZED! Unfortunately, later on they argued over his not eating all his dinner and he ran out the door! She went down after him and he repeated the beach behavior, of laughing and disobeying her. She spent 20 minutes literally chasing him with no luck.
She came up the stairs and asked me "what's next". I told her to go get his pillow, and sneal up behind him. Then hand him the pillow, and say if he wants to stay in the street he can sleep there. She did this and the look on his face was priceless. She returned upstairs and he just stared at the pillow for a few seconds, but then ran up the stairs. Of course I had already locked the door! He kept knocking. Finally I opened the door and said, if you want to stay in the street when your mom calls you can live there. I left him out in the hall way for maybe an hour. When I went out there, he was curled up on the stairs, with the pillow.
I asked him if he wanted to spend the night there, or in his bed. he sheepishly said in his bed. I told him to march inside, apoplogize to his Mom and go right to bed. He did so. The next week he wanted to go out every night and of course I said no. I also explained to him why. I told him that his mom was the queen of the house and I was the king, and if he doesn't listen he is disrespecting us.
After a week, we let him go out again and have NEVER had the same problem come up.

Part 2

Ok, so now I seem like a tyrant with kids. When he first started behaving much better, listening to Mom, saying please, thank you and excuse me, knocking before entering, everyone was AMAZED. When friends and family asked how he changed so fast, she told them that he was afraid of me. I told her it was not fear but respect. I was very hard on him when he was bad, but treated him great when he behaved.

Ok, so one day we go food shopping and he starts whining that he wants Tic Tacs. Cinammon Tic Tacs which he actually hates. He was such a brat, and she came very close to buying them just to shut him up. I explained that that would be rewarding bad behavior and would just bring more bad behavior. I let him whine the whole time, and then explained that he would NEVER get anything by whining again. I also told him he was not allowed out the next night. He understood. Every time I punsihed him, I would explain why.

So, a few weeks later we go to a different Circus. Whenever the lights go out, he would come over to me and hug me for comfort. I looked at her and said, tell me again how he is afraid of me!
Whenever we cross the street, he looks to hold my hand, I ask her, is he afraid of me? She now realizes that like most kids his age he was looking for an authority figure and she wasn't providing it.
When he behaves, we have a great time. I take him to the beach most weekends, we have gone to several baseball games, the movies etc. What he really enjoys is just he and I playing Catch, or basketball outside. His big treat, is now after we get done playing etc. he and I will walk a few blocks to the mini mart in the Texaco station. We'll buy him a bag of chips and a Pinapple Fanta. I get a bottle of soda for me and we walk back home. this is when we "bond".
One night he introduced me to two friends along tha way. He then told me has a "pana". I never heard the word before so he had to explain it meant, best friend. I said that was good. He asked me if I wanted to know his name? I said sure. He pointed at me and said "tu".
His mother can't believe how far he has come. the only recent problems has been getting him to take homework seriously. he would just go through the motions and guess answers, hoping Mom would "help" him do the homework. I have taken a more active role, including giving him other homework to do. the school was having him try to add double digit numbers, when he wasn't sure how to add single digit. Heck there were times he would know the answer was 9 but would write a 7, as he hadn't fully learned that yet.
I sometimes yell, sometimes get in his face, to make sure he knows it is serious. I tell him, if he doesn't do his homework well, I will give him homework to last the whole day. In fact we have spent days where every time he finished on page, I gave him another. It is great watching when he starts to actually understand and get the answers right. he high 5s me etc etc etc.
At one point, I was talking very strongly, bordering on yelling about the homework. My novia was watching. She even noticed that he would be holding back a little smile while I was "yelling". Not a disrespectful smile but one that sort of said " man, to yell like that, I must be pretty darn important to this guy".
As I'm writing this, he just knocked on the door, waited till I told him he could enter and told me he ate the entire Wendy's meal I brought home for him last night. he was very proud. I told him he had to go to school now. He smiled and said mas tarde papi as he waved and closed the door.

... in response to Re: Ralph post, posted by mar33 on Dec 31, 2003

If my novia did not back me up it would not work. We also would not be together. She has relapses once in a while but 98% of the time she agrees with me.

Her son and I have grown VERY close. The kid loves me to death, and I feel the same way. He wants me to teach him english and he made my mom's day when he said merry christmas grandma on the phone.

When we are out in public the kid is very affectionate and we get along great. One waitress asked my novia when she was going to have kids. My novia said that was her son. The waitress thought he was my kid.

We went to a florist the other day to help a client arrange a flower delivery. The woman that ran the florist was impressed by how well behaved he was and when she went into the back to find some flowers, she said that the kid was muy precioso.

My buddy on the other hand has had some issues with his wife not always backing him up. We all went out to the Outback for dinner, and his 2 kids were busy running up and down the aisles, while my novia's son sat at the table well behaved. I had to look up a word in my cell phone translation program, so I could tell him I was very proud. My new word for the day was orgulloso.