Latinos generally avoid women with children ?

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

Bueller,  I don't think this situation really is about the woman's love for the child (although I am sure she loves her children).  The focus point here is "power".  She has a strong bond with the child and does not want to share it.  If you happen to start bonding with the child then ultimately she will lose a good portion of the "power" she has accumulated throughout the years of raising the child.  Of course you have stated your case about having the child's best interests in mind.  Objectively this would be benificial to both her and the child.  Unfortunately, losing the "power" would be out of the question. In my opinion a single woman that will share her children with a new husband is quite rare.  Of course this would entail putting the husband first (Biblical for all you Bible scholars out there).  Hence, if the husband is "second" to any other person (or in the man's case:  the wife is "second" to any other person)  you might as well not get married because you will probably be posting the red flag failure.

[Bueller]

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by HeyNow on Dec 29, 2003

I think you're right. Biblically, no one is to come between a husband and wife, not even a child.

 I'm starting to see it like this: though there is always an extraordinary bond between a mother and child, if a man and woman get married and then have a child together, the man will always have a solid claim on the child because it is biologically his, and since the family started out as just him and his wife, the baby is coming along and joining their preexisting relationship. OTOH, when the man comes along and joins the preexisting relationship between the mother and the child to whom he has no biological claim...it just isn't the same, is it?

 I tried to communicate with this woman about why it is important to start saying to her son only what she means and always meaning what she says, in addition to teaching him better behavior overall, but it just went in one ear and out the other. Right now her son is four years old, it's not quite too late to turn things around, and she can physically subdue him if necessary. Within about ten years though, the window for turning things around will have long since closed, he will be bigger and stronger than her physically, he will be a self-centered punk, and no sensible man will want to be in the middle of that. Sad, but I tried to warn her.

 Oh, well...referring to despair.com one last time, here's the appropriate image for what she's about to do to her life:

http://www.despair.com/mis24x30prin.html

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

been there done that in Cali. jimc

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

When I went to Colombia, I was very upfront that I didn’t want a woman with kids.  Having never been married and having no experience with children, I knew that it would be too much for me.  On the other hand, there are men who welcome a woman with children.  It really depends on what the man wants.  I would highly recommend that any man get really clear on what he is looking for in this regards before he gets on an airplane, if he wants to avoid alot of needless suffering.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

I'd say both. And there's no question you'd always play second fiddle.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

"no good deed shall go unpunished"

You hit the nail on the head... After having relationships with women who had children from prior relationships, this is the exact feeling that I got... No matter what you do, you come second place in the relationship... Some may have the patience and resolve to make it work, but why stack the odds against you... Why compromise???

When I began to search for a foreign bride, I would not even contemplate a woman with children... No matter how attractive or warm the woman seemed initially... I passed on many women that probably would have made good wives and mothers, but I didn't want any additional pressure on the relationship that could cause problems...

The result, I married a lovely lady from Bogota that is educated, family oriented, a hard worker, spoke Ingles and HAD NO CHILDREN... Guess what??? She wouldn't consider a man who had children either... Match made in heaven... She and I both are starting our own family without any undo baggage from the past...

Take your time, extend you student visa, find a loophole to start your own business and don't compromise your values when it comes to something as important as finding a life partner...

Feliz Navidad a todos...

Mark

[Ricardo]

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by wizard on Dec 25, 2003

You make a good point and observation - yes, I have noticed that a number of discerning (empnasis mine) latinas eschew men with children.... although those latinas are in the minority...  Good luck to all, and Happy Holidays!

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

Good questions. Sounds like you certainly went into it with an open mind. It would be terribly frustrating to be the only person in the household who was concerned with the discipline of the child, and your efforts were considered an intrusion.

However in Pete's case it always sounded like his step-son was a really good kid who adjusted quickly to his new home, was well behaved and enjoyed Pete's company. I think Pete regrets that he had to part with the kid.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Red Clay on Dec 25, 2003

He is a very good kid who was very little trouble.His mother didn't let him run wild at all.We both miss each other.He will be 13 in march,same birthday as me.
The plus and minus of taking a woman with a kid is it can get you a woman who might not otherwise be interested in you.
I would consider another woman with a kid.Margareth says if they are attractive enough a Colombiano will marry them.
Also,it seems most women either have or want kids.I don't
want more babies.For me an older kid is better.

Pete

[A1A]

... in response to You're  right, posted by Pete E on Dec 25, 2003

My ex novia had children, they were good kids too, no disipline problems.  We found time to be alone so no problems there.  If the kids are difficult, or a disipline problem, be aware, they can and sometimes will split up relationships and marriages.  My first choice is for a woman without children, that doesn't want any, so that will raise their age to late 30's or early forties.  Thats fine for me.  To go for a younger woman with a child, I have to agree with the colombianos, she needs to be very attractive, and the child an angel.
A1A