What my wife doesn't like about me

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to Re: Re: What my wife doesn't like about ..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

Yea but I think after knocking the first one out would take care of the
rest. These guys I feel might think you are a push over, I have seen it
happen before. After that I would lay the law down to her.... Some guys
think it is a easy target, she might smile too much, nothing wrong with it
but being like she was down in Colombia does not work up here. The
men here get the ideal that she wants them all.  I cut my wife loose
because it was bad enough she was with another man but she kept the
relationship going after that. I gave her plenty of chances, I wanted the
marriage to work but I feel she was not the one. I would hang in there if
you really love her things will work out in the end.....

 I managed to get lucky and met a woman from Barranquilla That I want
to met here in the future. I am just afraid that I will run into problems
again. Well I am not going to let fear stop me... again good luck

[pablo]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

[This message has been edited by pablo]

Hello Steve,

I realize this might be considered unsolicited advice but here are mis dos centavos FWIW:
 
(Addressing your 7 points in your post)

1.  Don't look at other women or at least don't let her know you are looking at other women.

You mentioned before that this has been a topic of discussion with your wife.  I can't imagine any wife appreciating her man checking out other ladies.  If she is insecure in the relationship or in herself this will only compound the problem.  

2. Many times women are more intuitive than men.

Discussing situations with your wife may help you see a different perspective than what you might normally consider.  At the very least she will appreciate you asking for her input.  I believe that a man should be the leader in the home and a wise husband will carefully consider his wife's input.  If there is a disagreement on a decision the husband needs to make the call.  He has the responsibility of making the right decision and involving his wife should help in the process.  It takes the wind out of any nagging or "I told you so" sail if you do talk it over first.

3.  Women need to be DAILY reassured both verbally and non-verbally (non-sexual) that their man loves them.

Women not only think differently than men but also need to be reassured that they are loved, respected and appreciated.  If you show acts of affection on a daily basis the dividends will be paid back to you a hundred fold. It's easier than you think once you get in the habit of demonstrating your love in tangible ways to your wife. *

4. See # 3 above, BUT...

I would have to agree with other posters that gifts given to her from other guys are totally inappropriate.  Have you considered though why she might be accepting these gifts from them?  It might be that she is trying to make you jealous.  It's neither excuse nor am I defending her flirtatious behavior but I think she would react differently if she felt that there was more romance in the relationship.  Either that or she has deeper issues.  

5.  Have you ever considered doing a budget with her or giving her an "allowance" if you haven't already?

6.  Even with a delay on your part in submitting paperwork to immigration this whole process will take a long time.  Hopefully, she understands this and is not trying to blame you for the slow wheels of government.

7.  A nice "problem" to have. ;-)  Isn't once a day or every other day, plus an occasional luncheon frequent enough for her?  That would prove to be an interesting and probably long thread.

* A fellow board member recently told me about a guy named Michael Webb and his web site, www.theromantic.com  He has a lot of practical and helpful information there that might be worth checking out.  I can email you some of their information if you're interested.  Drop me an email if you are.

Suerte,

Pablo

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by pablo on Dec 18, 2003

Pablo

That's all very good advice and I will try to apply it in our lives.

Thanks

Steve

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: What my wife doesn't like about ..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003

Steve,
 I might have missed your answer on this question but, I think it was crucial.  Does your wife wear a WEDDING RING!
Another question.  What does your wife SAY TO YOU when you TELL her you will be accepting gifts from other women and you will be giving your phone number to other women.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: What my wife doesn't like about ..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 18, 2003


Received in the spirit it was given.  All the best Steve.

[surfscum]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

How does it make you feel when your wife accepts gifts from other men?

[Freddie]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

What she needs to work is an EAD and social security card.

All BCIS paperwork is way behind.

My wife's temporary residency expired on January 9, 2003.
They sent a 1 year extention on November 12, 2002. That will expire on January 9, 2004.

I've called BCIS 4 times since September and 2 different people said they would send paperwork to start an inquiry.
Yesterday a lady said "They are currently working on applications from January 2003". I explained (again) that the Notice of Action is dated November 2002. She said she would start an inquiry for us.

In the meantime my wife will have to go through the zoo at the local BCIS office to get her passport stamped with another extension.

I have to agree about marrying a woman that has never worked or had to do housework. Thank goodness my mother-in-law made sure all 4 girls did their share around the house. All four also graduated from college, mostly on funds they earned themselves.

As for what others said about girls from Cali being lazy, all I can say is my wife is busting her butt as a Dept. Mgr at Wal-Mart. She's been going in at 4AM the past two weeks in preparation for Christmas. She has been there 23 months and went from a Sales Associate to Sales Coordinator in jewelry to Dept. Mgr in Men's and has almost doubled her hourly rate.

There are opportunities out there, they just have to be willing to work for them.

Don't lump all women from any culture or country or city at being the same. Open your eyes when searching for a mate. There has to be more than just beauty and hot sex to make a marriage.

[Freddie]

... in response to A couple notes., posted by Freddie on Dec 17, 2003

She also pays her car payment ($463) both phone bills (landline and cell, they're mostly her calls), her credit cards (she has her own Citibank M/C and AMEX, both gold) and groceries.

Plus she gives money to her family in Cali.

Feel free to pass this on to any woman who isn't pulling their wait.

Yes, she can lose her cool but fortunately it doesn't last.
Her main concern is that I have a girlfriend. Yeah, like any woman in the USA would want me, or vice versa.

Oh, did I mention she is 31, very good looking and also complains she doesn't 'get it' enough?

[Cali James]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

Accepting romantic gifts like perfume and jewelry from another man is incredibly disrespectful to you and your marriage.  I think in the long run you're headed for trouble with wife number two.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

I wish you luck

My wife and i are seperated and a lot of the things you listed, my wife had the same problems(not the making love part, i got that covered), but i too thought that when she got here and she started working , then things would even out.Well, she got here, could not get a job she would take because she had little english skills. Got used to watching the spanish soap operas, got hooked up with some mexican frineds(my wife is from Cali, not Mexico) , who even with my warning her of there intentions, told  her they loved her, and she was not really shocked(cannot prove anything though)and he did it in front of me in my own house drinking my BOOZE (xoxo2929393MF).

She was basicly as lazy here as she was in Cali. My advice to any of you guys out there that wants/needs your wife to work here in the states, DO NOT GET INVLOVED WITH A WOMAN THAT HAS NEVER HAD A JOB. Cali is bad for Colombian men setting up women in apartments and paying for everything in there lives just for the right to come by whenever they want to( I liken it to prostitution, but many may think different)and then when the guy tires of her, guess what, she is at an agency, you meet her and , well then you get a bad situation.

I know i went on a little away from the original post, but i really do not want guys to go down to Colombia with the thoughts that they will find the PERFECT LATINA. she does not exist in my opinion and they tend to be quite LAZY at least in Cali. I think it is different in maybe Bogota .

Thanks for the vent and i wish you luck with your wife when she arrives.

Andy

[NightRaven]

... in response to Re: What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 17, 2003

You said "Cali is bad for Colombian men setting up women in apartments and paying for everything in there lives just for the right to come by whenever they want to( I liken it to prostitution, but many may think different)"
It may be a bit different than what I am thinking of but in Japan that would be "concubinage" and some companies do have apartment complexes for that. The difference between that and a hooker would be that with conc. you have implied sexual exclusive access. Oh and forget only showing up to get some because that will get them angry they want some relationship even if it is all fun and games time.

I agree with the whole "never had a job" advice. I eliminate and amazing number of potential profiles over things like She demands that you accept her children but will not accept yours. Yep keep away from that one.

[mudd]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

sounds like she has a jealousy problem, or a trust problem, and it usualy only gets worse. i am wondering why she has no idea that money doesnt grow on trees, does she expect you to just throw money at her? she sounds like my Ex who thought i should pay for everything, mortgage, house bills, car bills,food, phone bills, that were through the roof!!! even after i bought her a new car, and she had a job, she refused to pay the car insurance for her car, a whole whopping $39 a month, no that she had a high paying job, but clearing $975 after taxes, and she couldnt pay $39, needless to say, it was the beginning of the end. hope yours is better than mine was!!!!

[Pete E]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

Steve,
Hey I would have liked to have traded problems with you before I ditched my problem.
Most everyone ones says women want more affection.Mine didn't, just the opposite.I did have a girl friend once,I think she was the only one,that wanted more sex than me.It was nice to have her want it even though I was the guy going to sleep on her sometimes.
She only turned me down once in 5 years,said she was very tired.I kind of turned my back on her and she really felt bad,told me how bad she felt saying no.I'm sure she would have accomodated me if I wanted.
But there were other issues,it was less than ideal.

Pete

[Fuzzyone]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

One time I was with my ex in the local shopping mall and I heard her
say what are you looking at? I had no ideal what she was talking about
for several minutes when a young lady finally came our way with very
large breast. My ex told me I know you were looking at her. I swear to
God I could not even see that far. She did not believe me, Anyways the
girl was not really that good looking for me to look at.....

[zack]

... in response to What my wife doesn't like about me, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 17, 2003

Maybe you should tell her that if she would stop her psychotically jealous behavior, you will look at other women less, consult her on more decisions, show her more effection, give her more surprises and money, hurry the residency process, and make love to her more.

Jealousy to the degree that you described would be such a turn-off to me that I would be seriously considering an "hasta la vista baby"

Zack