Reasoning it through...

[Mars]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

You escaped great pain. I would go and celebrate.

[jon]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

[jon]

... in response to Re: Reasoning it through..., posted by jon on Jul 25, 2001

[humabdos]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

n/t

[Ray]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

n/t

[Stephen]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

Zeb:

You were COOL HEADED......Not Cold Hearted.  There is a big difference.

You faced the facts and knew the relationship was over.  You knew in your head what had to be done.  The relationship had to be severed quickly and finally.  Your way did just that.  No turning back.  It's over.  I'm on my way and you're outta here!

Also, you did not let yourself get weak and take her back for another chance.  Your plan avoided any chance of that.

Your plan did not provide for a face-to-face confrontation.  You knew the details and didn't need to hear any excuses.  If you had been face-to-face there could have been loud voices and possible touching (aka "physical violence".)  You had a good plan that simply and quickly got the job done.

Finally, as you mentioned there must be complete trust in order to build a relationship of marriage.  You have about 60 days left on the K-1 visa  and you have to be married or she's to go back to the Phils.  That's not enough time to rebuild and establish trust with her under these circumstances even if you wanted to.  

You did it right.

Stephen

[Cecil]

... in response to Re: Reasoning it through..., posted by Stephen on Jul 25, 2001

Zebson,

Unlike Stephen I am not a lawyer so I can not give legal advice.  I just want you to remember that your ex-fiance could claim physical abuse as a grounds for not being deported.  You should be cautious for now becoz anything you say in a public forum such as this could be used by her to paint you in a negative light.

Cecil

[Georgina]

... in response to Re: Re: Reasoning it through..., posted by Cecil on Jul 25, 2001

I think she would be able to stay here by claiming physical abused if Zeb would have married her. But of course I am not a lawer either.

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Re: Reasoning it through..., posted by Cecil on Jul 25, 2001

Yes, anything can be claimed.  Prooving it is another story.

But it would be good to keep away from her and not be caught in places with her where you are alone.

Stephen

[Jeff S]

... in response to Reasoning it through..., posted by Zebson on Jul 25, 2001

Nothing like a clean break. It's decisive and as you say, doesn't allow for getting sucked into "the compassion mode."
-- Jeff S.