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Author Topic: "Young girls in Cali" Conclusion  (Read 9084 times)
Chris F
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« on: July 28, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

We spend about an hour with her father and then I take her Grandmother and Olga to the mall for lunch. Olga continues to be her cold self...not holding hands..not smiling.....again not even a "thank you" for lunch. Logically I really knew this situation  was over..I really wanted to go home early..but could not....and was not interested in doing the agency scene for just a day......part of my emotions were hoping she was acting this way due to the situation with her father....but my emotions knew this was a long shot.

She wanted me to stay with her and I did for the afternoon...probably to give her any emotional support that she needed...at this point....I said..."What the heck"  I was leaving in the morning and I did not feel like hanging out in the hotel for the afternoon.

After another visit with her father in the afternoon. Olga asks if we can go have an early dinner. Grandmother hops on a bus and Olga and I take a taxi to get something to eat. Five minutes before we arrive at the restaurant..she does a complete 180 degrees with me.

All smiles...all hand holding, kisses, saying how much she is going to miss me and how we will write everyday. My emotions thought for a moment and said..."Hmmmmm maybe this situation could in some way be salvageable. Logic was stronger which was saying...."she wants something....I know it"

We arrive at the restaurant and she pulls out a pad of paper from her purse. She ask me not to look as she writes down something on a piece of paper. I thought it was going to be some sweet letter...like the one she gave me when I arrived here.......not even close!!!!!!!!!!!!

The letter stated

" I know you have given me so much since I have been here. But can I ask for one more gift? Please check this box for yes       ( with a smiling face)  And this box for NO     (with a sad face)"

Logic screamed at me......"Yep  I was right...and she was trying to butter you up five minutes before getting to the restaurant......"

I also said to myself  " Oh my gosh...check here for yes and here for No?.....these were the type of cute letters we all used to do in..........Elementary school!!!!!"

I was going to play it cool......So I checked the yes box with a smile and she quickly wrote on another piece of paper her request.

The next paper stated

" There is a concert coming next week and i really want to go...will you buy the tickets?

I just looked at her with a disappointed stare...DANG... I said to myself...after all I have done for you...you have some pretty big (you know what) to ask me for anything.  But since this is the last day...I guess your going for broke I am gone tomorrow anyway.

I told her that I am really not comfortable with her asking for something directly. She got nasty right away.

"Excuse me!" she said in a mean tone.  "You just think I want you for your money?"  "My last boyfriend was very rich you know and I did not want him......you think I just want you for your money?"

Very cool...I said .."No...Olga...I did not say that"

"What if we were married!" she snapped. "Would you have a problem too if I ask for something?"

"We are not married Olga...so that situation is not even relevant"

"You know what" she said. "You want to know the truth?...I was going to use that money to send you a fax so you can something special from me when you get home...but no that's just not going to happen now is it?" she snapped.

By this time my logic was laughing...."Yeah right". But I showed no emotion other then a small head shake............

I said nothing to her as we catch a ride back to the hotel I get out of the taxi and tell her good-bye. And she manages a fairly polite good-bye back.  She had planned joining me on the ride  to the airport in the morning....of course she was not there when I left Cali and no contact has been made since.

Which was fine with me!!  

THE END!!!   I will post some final thoughts about this experience shortly.

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mudd
Guest
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to "Young girls in Cali" Conclusi..., posted by Chris F on Jul 28, 2003

n/t
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to "Young girls in Cali" Conclusi..., posted by Chris F on Jul 28, 2003

[This message has been edited by Craig]

I've seen these traits before in the few women I dated/fiance in Cali. I've only dated women who struggle with day to day living. Here are some points I discovered that mimic some of your experiences.

1. The girl initially won't except money until you open the door then you can't contain the flood gates. This follows the Colombian papaya theory.

2. Many of the requests for money are for family members who are sick. How did they survive before you were in the picture?

3. It only takes one time to deny a request for money, after, the relationship changes and you begin to feel emotionally blackmailed as her attitude toward you changes.
This is conditional love at it's best.

4. The inability to defer gratification. This is a trait that is exhibited by many folks have who come from lower economic means. They want what they want now, no waiting no planning, give it to me now. This could apply to money , children, sex, and love. In my experience it was the end of my relationship. Colombians live from day to day and saving or planning for the future can be a pipe dream for them.

5. I'm not saying that a relationship can't be found. I'm saying that many of these unions (much more then we may think) are motivated by things other then love, hope, and a future together. I feel if possible... your much better off if you stay in Colombia and retire with the girl there. The ball game changes in the states in all the cases I've seen but a few exceptions.

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lswote
Guest
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: "Young girls in Cali" Conc..., posted by Craig on Jul 28, 2003

Don't know if you know it or not, but your ex-girlfriend is now living in Fort Lauderdale with a couple mutual female friends of my wife's and mine.
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: "Young girls in Cali" ..., posted by lswote on Jul 29, 2003

Yea I know she was in Ft Lauderdale and I know the friend she was staying with, a cousin of an old agency owner's wife. I booked the flight for her return trip to Cali. If your information is correct she never got on the flight. If you could find out let me know if she left. I have the phone number but I rather not call them again. I'm making contact with the Orlando district office informing them to cancel my petition, if she's here and thinks she can stay, inform them I have no choice but to tell them.
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pablo
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« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: "Young girls in Cali" ..., posted by lswote on Jul 29, 2003

Hi Bruce,

Super sleuth that you are, how did you ever find that info out?

Pablo

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lswote
Guest
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: "Young girls in Cali&qu..., posted by pablo on Jul 29, 2003

Well my wife met his ex-girlfriend when she had lunch with our mutual female friend (I met the female friend in Bogota at the very same time I met my wife.  I had one date with her in Bogota but then I focused exclusively on my wife and the other woman hooked up with some guy in Key West and went to visit him on her tourist visa and after it went sour she moved to Fort Lauderdale with another woman from the agency in Bogota - who I also met at the agency in Bogota - the first woman I dated on my first trip to Bogota to be exact).  During the lunch the woman discussed this story her ex-boyfriend told her he got from the Planet Love message board about this woman from Bogota who had gotten very sick and had to be hospitalized and my wife realized the woman was talking about her.  When my wife told me the story that night, she also told me about the woman's ex-boyfriend and I realized that the story she told was very similar to Craig's story and based on the fact that this guy was someone who monitored the Planet-Love board I realized it was his ex.
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: "Young girls in Cal..., posted by lswote on Jul 29, 2003

It sure sounds like the same girl but my girlfriend is from Cali
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lswote
Guest
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: "Young girls in..., posted by Craig on Jul 29, 2003

Yes, this woman is from Cali and was visiting her ex-boyfriend in the Orlando area.  I don't know how she knows our friends.
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: "Young girl..., posted by lswote on Jul 29, 2003

My information is that she left for Cali on the 22 of July. Is your info current?
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lswote
Guest
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: "Young ..., posted by Craig on Jul 29, 2003

No my info is from last week.  Sorry I don't remember what day last week. My wife says she doesn't know what her current status is but will ask our friend.
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jim c
Guest
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: "Young girls in Cal..., posted by lswote on Jul 29, 2003

Dear Izzy it wasn't me. My stomping grounds are strictly Cali. JIM C Key West
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jim c
Guest
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: "Young girls in Cali" Conc..., posted by Craig on Jul 28, 2003

As I look back, it often seems  that there is never any thank you in Cali. If you gave a papaya and she took it why should she say thank you.
    I recall that my first xmass in Colombia my novia asked for a set of inline pro skates  for her daughter who was studying at Marie Luz Tristan in Pance. She asked if four hundred dollars was too much for a present for her daughter. I bought the skates as well as paid for the school. On Christmas the gifts were all from him to her and vice versa except the skates which were from Santa. Needless to say the little girl never said thank you nor did her mother.
  I have noticed that the ladies are very much like the ladies of the forties and fifties. They expect to be taken care of, that means you are expected to pay for everything and in return you get her at least physically.
    I recently broke off a relationship with a woman because she asked for a digital camera for and also wanted to go to Cartagena for the holidays. When I asked what kind of camera she wanted she becaame angry and accused me of being cheap and said I did not have to buy anything for her and her children. That ended that romance.
She was very shocked that I would not respond to her e mails any longer. This is  a forty year old teacher with her own home, car and good job. I really think it is cultural and not age oriented. jim c
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Jersey Mike
Guest
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: "Young girls in Cali" ..., posted by jim c on Jul 29, 2003

Man, these stories are depressing but they certainly ring true.  Unfortunately, it sounds a little too much like my experiences with a few eastern European women that I have dated over the past 7 or 8 years.  RW can be warm and affectionate until the moment they don't get whatever they desire from you - and then suddenly you are a cheap monster in their eyes.  Maybe there isn't much of a cultural difference between latinas and RW after all.

One of the reasons that I have been interested in meeting latinas is that they seem to be more emotionally honest and passionate than either AW or RW.  Or perhaps I've just bought into a stereotype that I want to be true.

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jim c
Guest
« Reply #14 on: July 30, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: Re: Re: "Young girls in Cali&qu..., posted by Jersey Mike on Jul 29, 2003

You just rang an interesting bell in my mind. For a while last year I had a exotic dancer renting a room from me here. She was from the ukaraine. I got to know one of her Russian girlfriends. Neither talked very much although both had come on student visas for their masters degrees at FIU and had found an easy way to pay bills.
   I made dinner for them  one night and the conversation was about dating. they said they would not date any man they met in the club because they were all dirty and gross and would not be in a dance bar if they could find and keep a nice women.
     Is it possible that if a latina  finds a man in an agency, she has less respect for him? Could some of these girls feel that we are desperate and cannot find a decent woman in our own country. Is the deal we make, purchasing power for arm candy and sexual gratification? It would then make sense that appreciation is non existant and  underlying resentment appears whenever they  do not get what they want. Regardles of our age are we viewed as sugar daddies which they accept instead of the passionate romance of a young Colombian man. My novia had an aquaintance that was 19 and produced her bosses baby. He refused to take care of her child(typical) and she went to an agency. She met aa guy in his forties who bought her a computer,  paid for spanish lessons and sent money for her and the child. One day she came to the house and was crying. She told my novia she was sad because she had no choice but to go with this old american because she had no other options. The last I heard was she was being kept by her married boss. Ahhh true love. jim c
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