"Young Girls in Cali" final thoughts

[Chris F]

Well....life is an adventure!!!  And as you can tell by this story...it was a h@ll of an adventure!!!  The way I see it the first ten days were great...it was the last few days I could have really done without!!!

What did I come away with from this experience?

1. Listen to my own advice next time!!  And really...the experience of others who have done many more trips then I have...which is  STAY AWAY FROM VERY YOUNG GIRLS!!!  I know that some people are married to 20 and 21 year olds and are 40 plus in age. But I really think they are the very small majority. Very young girls are very high risk!! It has been said here a million times and I will now tell you from experience myself. Really try to avoid it if you can.  Someone here posted some words about this subject that I still remember from over a year ago.

" I don't care how mature she comes across for being 21....she is still 21"

This is true...and guys..it does not matter if she is from here or Colombia...she is still 21.

Now...I do understand that not all of Olga'a problems were related to her age. But I am telling you these girls really do not know what they want from life yet.....they say they do...but they don't. The majority really need another few more years to grow up.

I will stick with woman who are 25 and above next time.

2. Many of you ask the question...Why didn't you leave her sooner?"

  Things did not start to go sour until day 11 of a 15 day trip. We were on San Andres Island  when it happened. We were not scheduled to leave for another two days...and was now just trying to make the best the situation.....and enjoying the beauty of the island as well. If we were in Cali when this happened it would have been different. I had two days left of this trip when I returned to Cali...I just wanted to go home at this point ...and was in no mood at the time to try to the agency scene for just two days.

I am really glad I did take her to San Andres. It was easy for her to hide her mood swings and Bullimia when she was only seeing me for 8 hours a day. In San Andres...she could no longer hide those things from me ...being with me 24 -7. I found out everything I needed to know early on....... many guys on this quest do not!!!........that was a blessing in disguise.....

Believe it or not!!.....I am returning to Cali next week for another 10 days!!! I do not have to return to work until the middle of August. ( I work in School Administration) So...I have the time and I will give this another try. I will inform the agency owner what  happened but will not make any demands that she take her off the books. ISWROTE posted about this earlier..."There are two sides to every story".....she may tell the owner something complelety different. I will tell the owner about her...if another gringo that dates her experiences the same and tells the agency owner about it...I am sure then something will be done.

I am down about all of this?

Nope.....because I go on these trips with the attidude "get to know people and have a good time...and if something works out...great...if not...at least you had a good time"

For the majority of this trip......I had a good time!!!!!

[denvermike]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Hi Chris,

I read your story, and I see myself in some of the very same types of crazy situations.  Age is a factor of course but I bet her personality is set and she is likely to be much the same if not worse the rest of her life. Sounds like her family life is unstable and always will be. She has learned techniques to control men and get what she wants, and she goes ballistic when she does not get it, or worse yet when you catch her at it!!  Boy can I relate to that!!

All I can say is that welcome to the wonderful world of dating latin women, where there are more nut cases than good ones. And as my Dad once said to me (advise that I have completely ignored so far) don't let your little head do the thinking for your big head".

You have a good attitude so keep looking, the right one might just come along.

good luck,
mike

[jim c]

... in response to Re: "Young Girls in Cali" fina..., posted by denvermike on Jul 30, 2003

Hey mike

"welcome to the wonderfull world of dating latin women, where there are more nut cases than good ones'

  Then you agree that most have one foot in reality and the other on a banana peel. I thought I was the only one that had that suspicion. Is it any wonder that the colombians call agency girls "LOCAS". Is it possible that latin agencies are populated with as many rejects as lonely hearts clubs here? I have yet to meet a caleana in the agencies without major problems of one sort or the other. (including the one I was engaged to) Can you illustrate some of the reasons for your politically incorrect(here) suspicions. JIM C

PS I have met some real beautys(like the one who after lunch at Girasoles began to eat butter from the table with a spoon and called it dessert)( another on the first date, lunch at Paladar, was crying for no apparant reason. She just ate with tears running down her face.)  Believe me, I am not that ugly.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Re: "Young Girls in Cali" ..., posted by jim c on Jul 30, 2003

I hate to dent your theory but I have met quite a few former agency calenas, now married and perfectly sane (well so far so good).

I have met a couple of bad apples - one nympho was sneaking off damn near the second her plane touched the ground.

Now one galfriend who happens to be arriving in the states shortly for a visit is defintitely game to meet a potentially prospective husband here.  I had asked awhile back - why don't you just join an agency?  She never gave me a good answer much less any answer.  But I'll inquire about your "locas" theory here shortly.  May have merit.

[denvermike]

... in response to Re: Re: "Young Girls in Cali" ..., posted by jim c on Jul 30, 2003

Hi Jim,

Well let's see where to do I start:  Maybe I should start by giving my list:

1) Katherine
2) Amparo
3) Lourdres
4) Andrea
5) Gloria
6) Gabriela 1
7) Gabriela 2
Gabriela 3 (must be a popular name in Chile)
9) Luz Amparo
10)Maria Eugenia
11)Nuvia
13)Pamela
14)Soledad
15)Mariasol
16)Olga
17)Patricia
18)Ilda
19)Claudia 1
20)Claudia 2

and so on

This is only a partial list of the latin women I have dated since getting divorced a little over three years ago. (I'm getting so old I can't remember the rest!!).  These girls are from Colombia, Peru, Argentina, Panama, and mostly Chile.  I live in Santiago now.

Well let't just say I'm still happily single. I have not met anyone I would consider marrying (I came close with number one and number two). My comment is that the women I have known make great girlfriends but they would make a miserable insufferable wife. Their personalities range from mind numbingly boring to bouncing off the walls. Most have a terrible family situation, zero money, no jobs, and the like. Some are great in bed and others are lousy in bed there is no way of telling in advance. They range in age from 20 to 36.

Anyway, I am not a difficult person to get along with, I am easy going, more than happy to help them with money and such, I am generally well liked by most everyone. So I really don't think the problem is me.

I live in Latin America so I have unlimited opportunities to meet young latin women everyday if I want. So I will keep looking (the looking has been fun!).

My friend who just retired in Brazil(he has lived in South America for over 20 years), his advice "date all you want but DON'T marry them". Another friend's advice is "date them until they become a pain in the a@#, then dump them and find another". I'm not sure I agree those conclusions but I am listening. I was married for 20 years and I have a son. So there is no real pressure to take the vows again for me. I really enjoy being single too.

Anyway take care and good luck.

mike

[Mark33]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: "Young Girls in Cali&qu..., posted by denvermike on Jul 31, 2003

Mike,
    I have lived amongs latins all of my life. I know many guys who went back to their country for a more "traditional" latina and I have to agree with your statement.Most of the wives I have seen are really hot looking, with personalities and attitudes I could not put up with. Flirting with other guys,and gossip seems to be a sport for many of these girls. Most of the wives do not work,so there is 1 income. The kids come quick,and the couple will not move ahead financially in life.
  Ironically, the one latino I see moving ahead is married to a real cute blond gringa nurse( I am still trying to figure out this girl). She is about 26. He is 32. They just moved into a very nice house,and I think she earns more than him. He is a mechanic. They are waiting a few years to have kids. I imagine his life would have ended up very much like the other guys I know had he followed the same path.
  I have also dated many latinas and Brazilians until I finally said enough!
 I am now engaged to a Filipina,and it is a world of difference. First off her family puts education first,so she has a carreer. She sweet, but still will listen to my advice when it is given. She is very even tempered and has a sense of humor that keeps me laughing all the time. She is absolutely a 9,but does not think so. Though she does not dress too revealing, her body is very curvy for a Filipina. She also has the olive coloring I preffer. She uses a lot of logic in everything she does.She is very thrifty with money. Loves to read,and pamper me.We have the same hobbies. She does not like loud parties,discos and going out dancing. Thank God because neither do I. We would rather watch a movie, go for walks, have a nice dinner, or hang out at the beach.
   Are all Filipinas like that? No, but I think if a guy is the type who likes calmer women who are sexy, but conservative he will have a better chance in the Philippnes. I am not saying you cannot find a latina like this. Just that it will be more difficult.

[Michael B]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Olga's actions have nothing to do with her age. Plain and simple, it sounds like she has mental problems, most likely clinical depression. She's still going to be just like that (or even worse) when she's 40 (if she lives that long) unless she gets some really good professional help. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to insult her, I hope she can get the help, but she's not my (nor your) responsibility and she's definetly going to be bad news for any man (gringo or native) who gets seriously involved with her.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Chris,

Great series of posts!!!  I really enjoyed reading them.  You make me almost want to return to Colombia and visit San Andres.  (I say 'almost' because the current "challenges" between Uribe and FARC are scaring me off.)

I disagree with those who say you wasted your trip on this girl.  You learned a great deal about bulimia first hand and will recognize the red flags much faster next time.  In addition, you have reinforced the important advice of not seriously considering very young ladies (say under 23).  

I think a really good point you made in your final thoughts is making sure the lady you are with has decided on what she wants out of life.  I phrase it as a question about what she needs to be happy in life.  

A Colombiana I was involved with in 2000 refused to answer that question for several months.  One day after considerable prodding she confessed she didn't know what she needed to be happy in life or how to become happy in life.  I saw this as an opportunity for personal growth and greater intimacy but she had/has trust issues and refused to let me share in the little personal growth she was willing to undertake.  I ended the relationship because I needed faster development of trust and emotional intimacy.

A Brazilian woman I am currently corresponding with made a similar comment about stages in life and wondered if we were too far apart in our respective life stages.  (That's a level of intelligence and insight that impresses me!)  She has not gone to university and would like to while I am a college graduate.

I am completely confident that you will choose much better on your upcoming trip.  Good Luck!  Keep us posted!

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Chris:

I would think that all of us have gone to Colombia have spent time with a woman that would have been better spent with other women. Its just part of the adventure of trying to find love.  Best of luck on your next trip, but out of curiosity, why are you returning to Cali?  Why not try another city in Colombia?   If you want, keep the board posted.

[Chris F]

... in response to Re: "Young Girls in Cali" fina..., posted by DOMINGUIN on Jul 29, 2003

A very good question Dominguin!!

I have already been to Bogota and found myself not that attractive to the woman there. Though I did find them more educated and some spoke beter English. I just fid myself very attractive to Calenas. I have a memebership with an agency that will expire in a few months...so I decided to give Cali one more shot....if I cannot find what I am looking for in Cali on this next trip.....I will keep Bogota and other cities in Colombia open for future visits. I will probably not return to Cali again after this trip if nothing comes to past....

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Re: Re: "Young Girls in Cali" ..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003


Chris:
Its hard to argue with an unused agency membership and getting value for the money that you spent.  Good luck in Cali.  There are a number of posters who only go to Cali and I would be interested to know what you thought of the city itself, sights, attractions, etc.  Dominguin

[Chris F]

... in response to What did you think of  Cali?, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jul 29, 2003

As I mentioned in my story...one of the reasons why I went to San Andres was because I was a little tired of Cali. I LOVE THE WOMAN THAT ARE IN CALI....so that is where I need to be.

Cali reminds of  a little like TJ in Mexico. It's fun for a while but I think I would get really bored living there. There really is not a whole lot to do. It has a few nice malls and some nice restaurants. If your in to salsa ( and most girls are there) ...the clubs ae fun as well.

When I am not with a woman in Cali.....I get really bored fast.....when I am with a  Calena it can make any place I go  palatable...

[pablo]

... in response to Re: What did you think of  Cali?, posted by Chris F on Jul 30, 2003

[This message has been edited by pablo]

Hi Chris,

Next time in Cali you will be doing the agency thing I imagine, interviewing women to see if there is any connection and chemistry and not inviting one particular lady to the coast.  It was nice like you say exploring a new city and all, but it was unfortunate that this lady had so many problems that only showed up on your trip.  Had she shown what she was like in Cali, I am sure you would have ended this sooner.  What an emotional roller coaster ride, being sweet one day and spitting nails the next.  

I once made a trip to see one lady who turned out to have a lot of personal problems although not as bad as your friend.  Although she was beautiful there was no way I would hook up with that lady!  Without a backup plan I could not use the remainder of my trip very productively at least in the sense of finding another lady I might be interested in.  Your ten day commitment at the coast prevented you from interviewing other ladies.  Keep your options open next time.  

I hope your next trip goes well for you and wish you all the best!

[Pete E]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Chris,
I'm glad to hear you have time and money for another trip to Cali,because you pretty much wasted the first one on a totally wrong girl.SPENDING TIME WITH THE WRONG GIRL STOPS YOU FROM FINDING THE RIGHT ONE.
This was probably interesting compared to what you are usually doing.Worth the experience in a way.At least you figured her out enough to not get more entangled with her.Actualy the test of that will be if you even see her next time you go.You wasted one trip on her.Don't waste two.
The bigest mistake guys make is getting and staying involved with the wrong woman.Red flags were flying all over the place here.Sounds like you will not become an ultimate red flag participant,marrying her.
There are just too many good girls available to waste any time at all with the wrong ones.At least you didn't blow your only trip for a year or get so discouraged you will never return.
As far as age you are probably right to look for an older one.Younger ones are more likely to be interested in what you can give them than you.But more important go for character.You should know it when you find it,just like you should and did,know it when you did not.Don't let the attractiveness blind you.You can get attractive and a good girl.

Pete

[cancunhound]

... in response to "Young Girls in Cali" final th..., posted by Chris F on Jul 29, 2003

Great reports.

My 2 cents - nothing abnormal with the maturity of these young latinas - it should be pretty obvious from the get-go.  Ask yourself one question next time - is she still living at home with her folks?  Has she ever had true independence, had a job, or rented a pad with roomates?  It's that simple.  Basing a search soley upon an ideal age stratification is a recipe for disaster.  Absolutely, if you date an 18 year old who has never lived outside of her nest - expect to be a boyfriend AND babysitter.