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Author Topic: It's over  (Read 5489 times)
Craig
Guest
« on: July 10, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
I wish I could give you a success story here but I'm not so luckily. My fiancee came here about a month ago from Cali. Since that time she has become ill twice. First it was just a cold then a serious kidney infection. It cost a few bucks at the doctor and some TLC over the July 4th weekend but she's ok that 104 fever was scary. Apparently she wasn’t impressed with my care or concern.. I'm in Law enforcement so I make what I make I get by. When I got home the other day she was crying her grandmother was ill... terminal lung cancer. Her mother needed money to fly to see her I told her I didn’t have the money at the moment. Make a long story short she's leaving and heading back to Cali for good. This was no short term relationship we dated for two years. It was complicated here no room im my three bedroom house. I'm a single Dad with three teenagers. She gave up quickly stopped studying English after two weeks and complained I think too much about money. She told me she wanted to live in Miami three months at a time with friends and I would have gone for it if didn't fall apart so quickly.  She hated the AC and had trouble with the intense humidity,

I guess I got taken with minium loss. I hope I don't sound like a cry baby just venting I guess. I was in love she wasn’t at least with my lifestyle. She made a remark about me being cop like that’s all you can do. Took the wind out of my sail quickly. Now trying to raise the money to get her back. Good luck to you all.
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Michael B
Guest
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 10, 2003

[This message has been edited by Michael B]

First, condolences, gotta be rough on you, although I think the 'I want to live with my friends in Miami instead of with you' should have waved a BIG red flag right in your face.

But a question: 'Now trying to raise the money to get her back'...as in SEND her back (buy a ticket to Colombia for her) or WIN her back (look, I've got money now, everything will be alright, please stay)?

Not to pry, but I find it strange that a woman would 'give up' on the marriage after only 3 or 4 weeks, particulary if you were together 2 years before tying the knot. ----opps, I need to make a slight correction, I worded that as if you two were already married, and your post was quite plain that you are not, bad phrasing on my part. Let me try again: give up on the prospect of marriage after only 3 or 4 weeks, particularly if you were together 2 years before she joined you here in the US.

One more thing. I don't know where you work, but where I live, despite (or more likely BECAUSE of) their union's perpetuial crybabying, cops are NOT poor.....maybe you should apply to Dallas if you aren't making any money where you are?
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: It's over, posted by Michael B on Jul 13, 2003

To answer your question's there was nothing to talk about she stopped talking to me. It appears it was about the money. That was part of the problem my fault was I did not dig deep enough into her background to realize she was totally out of her element. No english skills, real work, or coping skills She need to blame somone and that was me. I made mistakes in disreguarding the warning signs. Asking for money, her inablity to keep a steady job. Her three children who she left behind. Her grandmother's terminal illness one week after she arrived. I was told by some people in Colombia that I was special for dating a girl with 3 kids because it would not happen in colombia and most American men would have run. I expected she knew my support for her children would be minimal until she worked. She expected I was going to support them fully. Including all her family and mother and 7 or so brothers/sisters. The mother supports them none of them work. So supporting the Mom I would be supporting all of them. The entire thing spun out of control. I know what I need to do and what I need to correct. I thought you could disreguard all these problems. How does the song go" Sometimes love just ain't enough" English is a must for me now so would work skills and sad to say I would not date a women with kids.
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mudd
Guest
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 10, 2003

it sure sucks dude, but it sounds like she wouldnt work through with any marriage that was a little difficult, so i am very sure it better for you in the long run. it may be a heart ache now, but later, it would be much worse. two years is a long time to date, and then go through all that, and give up in two weeks, man, i feel for you.

i met a girl and dated for a long time also, and she was very nice, but our communication was a problem, even after she studied english, and me with limited spanish, and no time to study, put a strain on the realtionship. maybe it would have worked, but i didnt want to chance it with one failed marriage with two children, so it ended. do i regret it, every day, but maybe later, it would have worked out, who knows, so life goes on and you do the best that you can.
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Craig
Guest
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: It's over, posted by mudd on Jul 12, 2003

Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm not giving up yet but I'm gonna take at least a year or so to recoup before I even think about going to Cali again ot date period for that matter. Thanks again for all the kind words. Craig
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Keith Smith
Guest
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 13, 2003

Hi Craig. May I make a suggestion? Please consider looking at other places. I'm NOT knocking Cali by any means, but always keep your options open. Good luck to you.
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mudd
Guest
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: It's over, posted by Keith Smith on Jul 13, 2003

i like that idea, but i think most men, me included, go to colombia because it has a lot of agencies, compared to othr countries, like brazil,venezuela, mexico ect. i thought about russia or ukraine, but after talking with a frend of mine who is from ukraine, i keep looking south. this whole process of finding a girl and finding the one with the right personality is more work than most people will  ever know. some get lucky and just pick the first good looking girl that they see, and others take their time, meet a lot of girls, find one that they think will ake a good wife and friend, meet her family, figure out her personality and then go through with it, and still fail. it sure is heartwrenching sometimes, but we go on, me included. maybe ill try mars, i heard that the women from that planet think just like the men :-)
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Keith Smith
Guest
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: It's over, posted by mudd on Jul 13, 2003

Hi. I agree with you. What I meant was that Craig SHOULD try other places in Latin America. Personally, I love traveling to Colombia, but I want to see other places (Brazil, Peru, Ecuador-I'm going to Panama in about two weeks). Take care.
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surfscum
Guest
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's over, posted by Keith Smith on Jul 13, 2003

The board would like to hear about Panama, I'm sure.
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Keith Smith
Guest
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Be sure to post a report!, posted by surfscum on Jul 13, 2003

Most definitely!
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Michael B
Guest
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: It's over, posted by mudd on Jul 13, 2003

Wasn't there a soft-core science fiction/porn spoof movie several years ago titled 'Earth Girls Are Easy'?
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mudd
Guest
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's over, posted by Michael B on Jul 13, 2003

Yeh, but I think it was a documentary :-)
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Edge
Guest
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 10, 2003

Craig - you have my sympathy.  I know the perserverence and hard work it takes to get the fiancee over here to the states, especially after 9/11.  Also the emotional toll to have the relationship unravel after she gets here - must be real tough.

Take it day by day and do the best you can.

Hang in there and good luck to you.
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cassius
Guest
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 10, 2003

What do you mean when you wrote:

"Now trying to raise the money to get her back."

Seems she had one vision of you when in cali,  which changed
when she saw the reality of your 'lifestyle'.

Why get into an endless consumer debt trap when all she wants to have most is a certain affluent lifestyle? (Well this is what i understand of her motives from your post.)

Either she likes and cares about you or she doesn't.

Even if you do a remortgage or visit the local 'money shop' in the mall, it will run out sooner than later. Then what?

Lots of guys here have detailed the fact that it costs thousands to bring a latina over. Even when she is willing to contribute.


Best wishes.
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DaveyRich1
Guest
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2003, 04:00:00 AM »
... in response to It's over, posted by Craig on Jul 10, 2003

Craig
Did you meet her while staying at Norm's My name is David I was staying their with my buddy Ron from Tennessee I think we went to the Movie together the girl I was with at her sandwich my sandwich then sleep through the movie if this is you you have my sympathy you are a nice guy and I thought you guys would make it for sure
                    Good Luck
                            Davey
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