... in response to Pete - Question, posted by cassius on Jun 17, 2003My wife doesn't like me to post anything personal about us.Actually she doesn't much like me posting anything.So If I do post I try to keep it possitive about us.
We have been married 3 1/2 years.I did some post a few months after we were married.Also I did alot of posts before we got married.Too bad the old archives are gone.
I was thinking of responding to Jim C's post below,since it brings up the main issue here.
My wife is a very good person.I not only love her but like most everything about her.My problem is I feel she does not really love me,at least not in a romantic sense.I just charged in and married her assuming everything would be fine.I thought I could make her so happy it would be easy for her to love me.Seems it doesn't work that way.
I get very tired and fustrated and feel neglected.
Recently I got very angry and yelled at her.This does not work at all,she can't handle the smallest critisism let alone yelling at her.After we cooled down we talked about it.She wants to stay in the marriage.I don't want to let her go.So we are hanging in there.I was ready to end it but really don't want to.So if she wants to keep it together we will keep trying.She doesn't do anything to cause me concern exept for ignoring me.We are happy to get over the conflict and are both treating each other better right now.
Time will tell.
Jims post raised the issue of do you expect or can you find love?Yes I think its possible.But there are so many motivations for a Colombian lady to want a gringo the desire for the marriage can be mistaken for love.So you can find a lady who really wants to marry you who may not feel love for you.It can be hard to distingush,particularly if you don't take much time.You may just go with the emotion of it.It might turn in to love ,it might not.The age difference has been mentioned.Thats part of it I'm sure.But there is this illusive thing in relationships that defies logic.We all have seen beautifull girls with ordinary guys.Women seem to like you or they don't.Its possible for a Colombiana to be in love with a gringo even alot older.But you need to take time to find out if that is the situation.
But where we might date someone here but never marry them unless it seemed like love we can do it differently with a Colombiana.Its hard to just date along time like here.They can't come here unless you do a spousal or fiance visa.Its tempting to just jump in and get married.I even said when I was in the process of doing this if it didn't work I would just drop her and go get another one.Maybe I should have,but I didn't.I never wanted,still don't want,to let her go.I have even approved when Junfan just ended his marriage quickly.In a way I thought thats what I should have done.
So its less than perfect.Not what I expected.But right now it seems a whole lot better than breaking up.
I think you can find love,if you take your time and are willing to accept the woman who will feel that way about you.Its also very easy to get in a relationship that looks like love but is not. If you really stretch for the hot young one and are not yourself it seems more likely.But I really believe there are good women who will really love you.
So if your not carefull you may find yourself with a wife who less than loves you but still wants the marriage.And if you love her you may accept this.
We do what we do and we accept the consequenses.Often its less than perfect or what we intended.
So right in there with determining the character of the woman is determining her real feelings for you.Those are the 2 most imprtant things you need to know I think.
As for me I would rather stay with my wife right now.I feel alot better about it than when I was thinking of splitting a few days ago.And maybe it will get better.I have learned that treating her with love works beter than thinking I have been treated badly and getting angry about it.
I will probably get in trouble for saying as much as I have.My wife doesn't understand that its imporant for me to express myself,particularly when there is an important issue.Actualy she hates me telling anything personal to anybody,let alone a public forum like this.And I feel a little dishonest for having been a possitive only poster most of the time,without telling the whole story.
Am I happy I still have he?Yes.Would I do it the same way again?No.But then there's what we tell ourselves and what we actually do.
Pete
Pete
