Meet 'em & marry 'em the same weekend

[jim c]

... in response to If those stats are right, jim c will be ..., posted by Miguel on Jun 2, 2003

well well miguel

  Great math! Its a good thing I am not in a hurry!   I guess I may never find THE ONE but it is pleasant searching.
  Then again buying furniture with a two year green card  warranty, based on a bubble butt is not for everyone. Insane people think the shrink is nuts because he can't hear those voices.
   I am sure you understand that desperation and loneliness drive the business. As I said in my previous post I don't fit the profile and I don't wish to be with someone who is with me  because of their financial problems. If I were I would find a beautiful 25 year old massage therapist with one kid and marry her. Then I would put her in my will leaving everything to her if we were still married when I died of Natural causes. So if one wants to marry a sardina, he should at least buy a good one and get his moneys worth. Nothing lasts forever.  jim c

[Miguel]

... in response to Re: If those stats are right, jim c will..., posted by jim c on Jun 2, 2003

Steve and Pete are two very intelligent guys.  I've learned a lot from reading their posts.  But on this issue I think you're right.  For me at least, it's hard finding someone compatible and then hard knowing what she's really like without spending 3-6 months face time together.  If someone's going to go from love of your life to complete b***tch, better to find out before the marriage.

[Miguel]

... in response to If those stats are right, jim c will be ..., posted by Miguel on Jun 2, 2003

Once the fictional jim c in my example has gone through 30,000 women and found "The One", what are the chances she'll be attracted to him as well?  If she's just as selective, then the chances they'll marry and live happily ever after are

1/30,000 x 1/30,000 = 1 woman out of 900 million.  

So he's going to be looking for a while.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Nuts, just nuts..., posted by jim c on May 31, 2003

Even wizards have sporadic moments of lucidity...  

I figured out this behaviour on my first trip to Cali... The first gringo I met in Cali was agonizing over which of 3 girls he was going to ask to marry him... It was his first trip and he had just 1 date with each girl... He wound up proposing to a cute girl with whom he could not communicate, period, zero, zilch... He proposed using a translator and she accepted... How romantic... My first "head shaking" experience... The very first Calena I met was on her way to the states to marry a gay guy just to get her green card... She had family in the US who had arranged it... My second "head shaking" experience... All in the span of the first 24 hours of my first trip to LA...

I agree that the green card shark theory is overworked... I have heard many guys describe girls as sharks or scammers simply because they were rejected... I'm sure there are a few in LA, but nowhere near as many as in FSU or PI...

Your reference to the cinderella fantasy is correct... Uneducated girls with little or no hope in life, being whisked away to never-never land by the knight in shining armor... While a naive gringo, whose babe-o-meter is clanging, takes the pick of the litter so to speak... Desperate people can always rationalize their behaviour...

If a gringo understands the market and what is available, he MAY be able to see past the beauty and make reasonable decisions based on compatibility, common goals and chemistry... That is if he thinks with his big head...

The danger is that this process can become addictive... I have met guys that have been in the search for 5+ years... You can lose focus on the goal by enjoying all the candy... I'm not knocking it, if that's what you want... But you're right, a guy in an angency that doesn't match quickly is usually branded as a player by the girls...

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Nuts, just nuts..., posted by wizard on May 31, 2003

Hey Gandolph. The story sounds really familiar. Were you at the Crystal Palace in July of 99. There was a guy there moaning about not wanting to hurt his other two novias. It was a very  bizaar introduction to the process. There were about seven guys there and every night they would sit around and discuss their problems with choosing the right one. I confess I met one and returned four times until I finally moved in with her. I was lucky, she really taught me some lessons about reality in Colombia before we broke up.
  I guess I am now a player, its just I am tired of teaching young girls about life and a lot of the older ones have a lot of baggage. I don't pretend to have the answers, its just that it makes me crazy when one of these guys acts so nuts over there. The normal Colombians just shake their heads and the agency owners just smile and put the wedding pictures on the wall. jim c

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Nuts, just nuts..., posted by wizard on May 31, 2003

I have heard before the  comparison to picking out a puppy.The puppy,if you select a good breed,will undoubtably love you and be very loyal.I have a wonderfull golden reriever.For this dog not to love you you would have to be the biggest a--hole in the world.He even loves the mail man.
Women are more complicated.
I have seen the guys choosing fast and  have seen  players.I probably met more players at the agencies.They can go for years because its more fun to look than select.Funny thing,the players,for all of their looking,seem to make poor choices.
Seems like user guys hook up with user girls.Like attracts like it seems.When I see a guy showing us all kinds of pictures of the girls he has recently been dating I'm not too surprised to find out he made a poor choice when he did choose.
Our buddy Hoda has a point about looking within before starting the search.A sincere and carefull seeker will be almost assured of success in my mind.
But hey,its OK to play around.Just be carefull making the switch from that to marriage.

Pete

[wizard]

... in response to Pick of the liter, posted by Pete E on May 31, 2003

Yeah Pete,

I've met lots of players at agencies too... Makes me wonder though... Why do players work the agencies??? There are so many other ways to hook a babe in LA, why hit on girls in agencies who are looking for a commitment... It just makes our job that much harder, proving that we aren't ALL players... Took me a month to gain my wife's confidence for this very reason... She was very cautious as she had heard so many horror stories from her friends who were members of an agency...

I'm not knocking players... If that's what you want, there's no better place than in LA...

[Celt]

... in response to Re: Pick of the liter, posted by wizard on May 31, 2003

BECAUSE they are not players. The Player is the poor
Colombian guy with barely enough money to make the
cover charge who dances with the best-looking women
all night. He usually takes one of them home. He is
taking risks and maximizing the talents he has. He
cannot possibly misrepresent himself, or give himself
airs. The agency-players buy the most expensive rod-and-
reel money can buy, and then go to a fish pond. Only
one of the two classes above deserve to be called Players.

[Wayne11]

... in response to Re: Re: Pick of the liter, posted by Celt on Jun 2, 2003

The agency-players buy the most expensive rod-and-
reel money can buy, and then go to a fish pond. Only
one of the two classes above deserve to be called Players.

Thank you....now that was funny.

The chase is more fun then settling down and having to live with one of these girls long term.  Don't rush the chase...

[Celt]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Pick of the liter, posted by Wayne11 on Jun 2, 2003

Then, if it is a chase--which is a game--let's call a
moratorium on the mewling, simpering complaints when a CaleNa is
"untrue" or "deceitful" with Mr. Elmer Player.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Pick of the liter, posted by Celt on Jun 2, 2003

The Colombian guy you describe could be called a player,but also the gringo we are talking about,even thought they are not the same.Also,the Colombiano WILL try to decieve,it might just be harder to believe.Gringos can probably tell about any story and have it believed,they think we are all rich,which we are,relatively speaking.
The gringo player to me is a guy who probably couldn't get a date here but is going wild with all the possibilties in Colombia.Barney Fife becomes Don Juan.Its a great little ego trip for these guys that becomes more important than just finding a good girl.

Pete

[Celt]

... in response to More than one type of player, posted by Pete E on Jun 2, 2003

Your last sentence was keen. That is the feedback I got
from my conversations with the agency owners, particularly
Ricardo. He mentioned to me that most of his customers
did not have alot of self-knowledge, and that more than
the reverse situation, it was the agency women who paid
the price.

For me, Player denotes guts, self-confidence, bravado, and
daring. Players should be able to do their thing in S.
Beach in Miami, without going to Colombia.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: More than one type of player, posted by Celt on Jun 2, 2003

The player you are talking about,which is probably the more
typical type in the US,is a whole different thing. To pull it off here does require bravado.
Our Gringo players in Colombia could only wish they could pull it off here.Most couldn't even meet a girl outside the agency,but they get very upset with the agency if the agency is not delivering the right girls to them,or if anything goes wrong with their plans.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Pick of the liter, posted by wizard on May 31, 2003

Because its just so easy for players at an agency.Line up the girls.Start dating them,several at a time.If you run out of girls change agencies.A guy I met on my first trip was dating three or 4 girls at the same time,plus had a girl in Bogota who thought she was his novia.He continued this for a couple of years.Then he decided to get married.It lasted about a month.After all his dating he picked a real loser who didn't much care for him.I think he was just so in to what he wanted he couldn't read the girls at all,he was just too in to himself.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Nuts, just nuts..., posted by jim c on May 31, 2003

Jim,
There is alot of truth in what you say here.There is a little bit,sometime alot of  lonely gingo meets cinderella with no future in most of the relationships that come out of this endevour.We both want what we can't find within the people we were meeting before.So we travel and they sign up at the agency.And shasam,we both seemingly find what we were looking for.
So whats the problem with this?Having it work in the long run,or even the short run while we both find out who we got married to.Of course its better to take your time and get to know the person.But guys jump in and do what they would never do here,just marry or get engaged to someone quickly.
I remember my own reaction to this.She wants me and I want
her.This doesn't need to be so difficult.I admit to impatience.I equated it with a man crawling across the desert,gettingo an oasis and having someone tell him he should wait awhile before taking a drink.
So I just jumped in and did it.I got engaged in 6 days and married in 2 months.Thankfully my judgement that my wife was a very good person is true.I have said in he past that you can always tell the really good girls right away.Anything less than a girl who impresses you as extremely genuine and you start taking a big risk.But the problem is you are marrying an immage,a dream in your mind in a way.You don't really know the person or how she will really feel about you when she is now spending all her time with you. Its a bit of a crap shoot if you know her one week or spend maybe 6 weeks her on 3 different trips.An E-mails and trying to talk on the phone really don't make up for realy spending time together.
So how do we increase the odds of choosing the right person?In a way your in the ideal situation being able to live there and really get to know the women.I have  a friend who traveled to Cali once a month for 3 years before getting maried.Most guys could never do that.So let me suggest something that might seem radical.This is such an important decision that it may be worth taking a year and moving to the city of choice to really get to know the lady.Most guys could do it if they really wanted too.
I just remembered a guy I used to work with.He got divorced from his AW.His family was Filipino,even though he was born here.He took a year off from work and moved to the Filipeans.This was 20 years ago,before there was much for agencies.His family there put the word out he was looking for a wife.There was a constant stream  of women presented to him.He spoke the language.He made a choice,marrying a girl with a college education who spoke english.It lasted 3 years and they got divorced.He married another AW.He was still a young good looking guy.So even there,no guarantees.
I guess the next best thing is the fiance visa,but you stll have to make your mind up pretty quickly.I now 2 guys who just did this.One girl got sent back,the other couple got married and it looks OK so far.
So how they hell do you know? I guess a little bit of caution would be well advised.Take a few weeks at least to get to know them.A little bit of luck helps also.
I admit to being influenced by one of the agency owners you speak of.He got married real quick and seemed to advise it to others.I guess that made it easier to just go ahead and do it myself.We are both still married although easy it has not been for either of us I think.

Pete