Can an American woman hope to compete?

[katy]

I am an attractive, educated, American (white) woman who would like to be a traditional wife. Unfortunately, in my social circle, women are supposed to pursue careers. I don't mind working, but I would rather devote myself and all of my energy and talents to my husband and family.

I am afraid that if I tell a man this, he will think I'm some sort of needy gold digger or something. That's not true - I just happen to think that devoting myself completely to house and home and husband is a noble calling. Naturally, I'd like to have a hobby and interests of my own. I'd even like to work in some light capacity when there is time (for example, before children are born, or after they've grown.) I just don't want to join the American rat race of dual-income living.

I love to pamper a man and take care of him. I like to slip out of bed a few minutes early and start the coffee, and have my hair and face ready when he's up. I like to do little thoughtful things that make a man's life easier, and make his home a refuge. My last boyfriend enjoyed the attention, but after we broke up, he started dating a super-busy surgeon! Well, that's OK, but where do I find men who want a traditional wife and partner?

I've thought about Internet personals. I suppose that I could plainly state what I've said here. I'm just worried that I might attract only pigs and insecure men who will expect me to be utterly submissive. I may want to devote my life to his comfort, but I still have a sharp tongue and some attitude... and I'm quite intelligent.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice you men could give me. I've decided to just ask men what THEY want.

Thanks!

[katy]

... in response to Can an American woman hope to compete?, posted by katy on Jun 14, 2001

I spent some time today looking through the archives,so I sort of feel like I "know" some of you, now.

Anyway, I hope to find a man who is not afraid of the responsibilities of the traditional male role.

Here is what I envision:
I continue to work until we have children (I'd like to be married for four years or so, first. That would make me about 36 or 37, and I only want one child.) ALL money earned by me will go into a retirement fund. We will NEVER (except under duress) live off of MY income. We will live within the means of my husband's income. In four years, I can probably sock away $100k, where it will gather interest for the future... The job I will have, btw, will not be something demanding. Perhaps secretarial or even waitressing would be fine.

Stay home with the child, of course. I am even considering home schooling, but to be honest, I might find myself craving some private time after five years! LOL!

Later, when the child is older (HS?) I might find a part time job, just for fun and maybe a little extra cash.

After 18 years, send the kid to college and enjoy myself (and my husband) with the money saved long ago.

I just wish there was a way that I could go into a situation with these assumptions.

I mean, you guys can ASSUME that the girls are A) looking for marriage and B) intersted in a traditional situation. I can't assume any such thing, and AW must NEVER mention the "M-word" to a guy! LOL!

[rmalach400]

... in response to Thanks, all!, posted by katy on Jun 15, 2001

You just don't get it. Money, money, money.Submissive? Get to know some Filipinas. You could only dream about being as strong. What happens if your flawless financial planning runs into a few obstacles. Suggestion: Find a board where the people practice Judaism.

[katy]

... in response to Re: Thanks, all!, posted by rmalach400 on Jun 17, 2001

I think my post made it sound like I wasn't interested in
contributing financially - what I meant was that I didn't
want to neglect the home and children for material things. I
see couples that work so hard to make ends meet, when they
should just live within their means.

And, I hope that if an emergency arises, I will be able to
help in any way possible. For example, if we save all income
earned by me before the children are born, it can provide a
safety-net for us later.

My scenario was just an idealized dream. I know that life
isn't easy, and that it rarely works out the way we plan.

Other than that, I think your antisemetic remark was
uncalled for. Jews may be careful and prudent, but they
don't strike me

[rmalach400]

... in response to Well, I hope we can overcome obstacles, posted by katy on Jun 17, 2001

Sorry Katy, Today I was reflecting on my life with my ex and how terrible and materialistic life was. After reading what I said I really must apologize not only to you but the entire group for generalizing the way I did. That wasn't me. It was an angry person. Actually I must tell you that my marital crap was a blessing because it allowed me to follow a dream that I've had ever since I returned from the Nam, but it cost a couple hundred thousand for that blessing. I should have said it in a nicer way but my rose colored glass es broke a long time ago and sometimes I don't think. What I tried to get across was mine and no one else's feelings. I  was fortunate enough after trying the pen pal route to be introduced to a beautiful Filipina. From day #1 we hit it off and she seemed like everything American girls were not. Soft spoken (never raises her voice) of course Filipinas have what they call "TAMPO" and every guy who has experienced that deals with it in his own way, but it is still not like a screaming match. Her and I have been e-mailing one another minimum 4 a day besides a phone call every day to Hong Kong. Most of these girls come from poor families where the average income in US dollars is about 1200 a year so they are incredible at dealing with life and actually have no problem with working. As a matter of fact some work far from home and put their own lives on the back burner because of their obligation to the family.Assuming she is a good person, the only way to loose a Filipina's love is to loose her respect. You have to really be a jerk in other words. Now I'm not saying that there aren't bad ones and I'm only trying to give my humble view but I haven't found any American women as giving and unselfish as my girlfriend or some of my friends' wives. If you are really a good and unselfish person you shouldn't have any problem finding someone. Just be careful in your selection process. Again I am sorry( I had to put up with years of anti-christian comments from her, her family and friends) for not controling my bitterness. You know in a way it's kind of funny cause some Filipinas are concerned that us guys are more attracted to girls like you and you're trying to figure out what they have that is so special. I hope my apology is accepted and I wish you lots of luck. Ron

[humabdos]

... in response to Thanks, all!, posted by katy on Jun 15, 2001

Ummm Katy would you mind living in the philippines in a nipa hut?

[cc]

... in response to Re: Thanks, all!, posted by humabdos on Jun 15, 2001

Didn't you build a nipa hut in your back yard ;-)

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: Re: Thanks, all!, posted by cc on Jun 16, 2001

Well it looks like bamboo is quite expensive it would cost as much as a new house by the time I was finished! I guess i will have to move to the Philippines where I will build my nipa hut in a tree. I am not so sure Katy would be happy on a coconut pickers wages! lol O well I know there are plenty of good women out there who aren't so materialistic and only seek (TRUE LOVE) I will wait...

Humabdos

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Thanks, all!, posted by humabdos on Jun 16, 2001

Hum,

Build the thing out of pine and stain and paint it to look like bamboo (easy to do), while you're waiting to move to the Philippines. Then put bamboo furniture inside. Or move to South Florida, where it's as hot as the Philippines and bamboo grows like a weed. You just have to pretend the Latinos are Filipinos.

Dave "Bamboo" H.

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Re: Thanks, all!, posted by humabdos on Jun 15, 2001

Hi Hum,

Finally a woman that doesn't have to stand on a ladder or tree stump to kiss you. ;o)) Katy is too tall for me...she can see my bald spot. ()

Dave H.

[katybird]

... in response to Thanks, all!, posted by katy on Jun 15, 2001

Of course, I'm flexible - we never know what life will hand us.

And as far as it being "my" money - I only meant "the money I earn" - it will be "our" money.

I just don't want to get into the habit of thinking we "need" two incomes! I mean, people who bring in $50k a year think they "need" a second income of $35k to make ends meet. No! You don't! You just live within your means!

My mother was an engineer for the phone company (AT&T before they were split up) when she met my father, who was an artist. She made more than he did, but she decided to quit her job when she had kids. He became a high school art teacher, and we lived on what he made. I remember feeling poor compared to the families around us that lived on two incomes AND carried heavy debts (something my very shrewd mother abhored.) But, now I appreciate the fact that they had better values AND my both of my parents were home all summer, Christmas, Spring Break, and Thanksgiving week! I was so lucky.

I'd like to have similar for my kid, although I confess a desire to set him or her up to belong to a better social class than I did. That's my own baggage from living in hicksville! LOL!

[Carrisse]

... in response to Thanks, all!, posted by katy on Jun 15, 2001

Some of the keywords maybe causing men to turn away:

Katy:
"ALL money earned by me will go into a retirement fund. We will NEVER (except under duress) live off of MY income. We will live within the means of my husband's income. In four years, I can probably sock away $100k, where it will gather interest for the future..."

MY and NEVER should not be used specially when you are married.  It should be WE, US, OURS and YES, can do.  Marriage is a team work where MY, I, ME don't exist.  Please remember that.

Carrisse, the untypical Filipina

[Jeff S]

... in response to Be a little more flexible, posted by Carrisse on Jun 15, 2001

.. but why do you call yourself untypical?

[Carrisse]

... in response to My thoughts exactly, Carisse., posted by Jeff S on Jun 15, 2001

Pinays being demure and docile---I'm one of the few who kick butt!

[Jeff S]

... in response to Because contrary to general misconceptio..., posted by Carrisse on Jun 15, 2001

Yes, general misconception, I'd say. Most I know, anyway, are more like you than like the meek, submissive stereotype.
-- Jeff S.

PS Did you see Michelle Malkins latest editorial:
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/michelle/malkin061301.asp

Great one!