My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Divorce

[Patrick]

... in response to Generalizations, posted by NW Jim on Apr 6, 2002

"If you were involved with a professional lady from Bogota, you would probably have a different perspective."

Isn't that a bit of a generalization itself?  I married a professional woman from Cali.  Every one of her brothers and sisters is university educated and professional also.  Bogota isn't the only Colombian city with professionals.

I agree with your other points, especially about using family (and friends) to find work and the general tendency to hire based on relationship rather than on abilities in Colombia (and other Latin countries).  I think that's one of the things that makes our economy so much more vibrant and sucessful.  It was a bit of a shock to my wife that I couldn't use my position in the company I work for to get her a job.  I'm an engineering manager and she's an accountant.  I couldn't even hire an engineer I wanted without the cantidate first passing through the interview process with several senior engineers and impressing them as well as myself with his knowledge and energy.  Not only couldn't I hire someone who I had a personal relationship with without them going through the interview process, but I would not even push him/her through HR unless I thought it was a good thing for the company.  I will always make hiring decisions based on company benefit rather than on helping someone I like.  This is a really strange concept to many Latin people.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Generalizations, posted by Patrick on Apr 7, 2002

Isn't that what the whole show was about? Years of Armando and his family hiring their relatives, cronies and grilfriends drove the company (country? humm, was THAT the point they were trying to make?) into bankruptcy and it took an ugly but QUALIFIED person to save it?

[Tai]

... in response to Re: My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In..., posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

Fingaroll...

It sounds like you are struggling with more than your "intentions for looking for a Colombian wife".

The majority of the people in Colombia are struggling financially. Unless you have JUST realized that, it should be no surprise that most women have "poor families" and would "want to send money back home".

"I think the Latinas are too family oriented to where it stunts their growth"

Are you high? The extended family support system is the means by which many Latinos and others are able to survive through their country's economically troubled times. Not to mention that the nurturing, caring nature of Latinas, that gringos are so drawn to, is born out of that same family system. -Your ignorance is mind boggling.

"Some of these latinas are just plain DUMB. They don't have a clue and are no better than the airheads here. They get by on looks, and that only works for a little while. No substance. Zilch. Some of these ladies have the personalities of a ROCK. Yeah dancing Salsa is okay, but how many Salsa clubs do we all really go to? NONE. Remember guys we are the ones changing there lives for the better."

You will have no chance of changing anyones life for the better...until YOU get a clue...or some substance.

You seem to think that Latinas are supposed to drop to their knees and kiss the ground that you walk on simply because you are from the United States. You want some gorgeous "babe" who is going to quickly English and other American customs/habits, cut all ties with her family and culture, in order to "maybe" have a life with you, someone that has little respect for her and her culture, and that she hardly knows?

-Not gonna happen....and if you find one that promises that she will, you better check her back for a fin, because she is setting you up for something.

Mike's situation doesn't have anything to do with your "issues", it just gave you an opportunity to show your @ss.

"Let your fangs show" -Man, you need some serious help.

-Tai

[JUAN]

... in response to Re: Re: Fingaroll...aka..Archie Bunker, posted by Tai on Apr 6, 2002

Great post Tai.

This guy sounds like a candidate fo bigot of the year.

[Fingaroll5]

... in response to Re: Re: Fingaroll...aka..Archie Bunker, posted by Tai on Apr 6, 2002

Hey Jerk Wad. I never said I was against the family. I said that you can become too family needy to where it stunts a persons ability to grow. Adapt to changes. Look Fork Face, no one is Archie Bunker, but I can be Mike Tyson and take a bite out of your ARSE. So keep talkin

[Tai]

... in response to The Truth Hurts, posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

..if it dropped out of your ARSE with the rest of your perspectives.

And save the WOOF tickets for your "howl at the moon, let your fangs show" buddies.

With Mike Tyson as your idol, that offers quite a bit of insight about your mindset(and in your case I use "mind" very loosely)...as if it wasn't already obvious enough.

What was it that stunted your ability to grow? Was it the "immediate family" system you espouse, or the Crack that you apparently smoked prior to posting?

-Tai

[pack]

... in response to Re: My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In..., posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

Fin5 that was a excellent post. i think alot of guys on this board and elsewhere feel exactly that way.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In..., posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

Some of you who claim to want to marry a Latina REALLY SHOULD reconsider your plans. It seems some of the materialistic thinking of AW that you despise, you are guilty of yourselves.
 
 Here's one person saying "they want to send money back home, they want to bring family members here. No way will I do that."

 In case it hasn't dawned on you, the folks that she leaves behind in SA in order to live with you are YOUR new FAMILY MEMBERS. If you never considered she might like for some of them to be able to live here someday, you SHOULD forget about marrying a Latina from a poor country, or at least you better discuss that with her at length before you marry. I don't mean ALL her family, but someday one or two people in YOUR family down there will probably be able to come here to live/work based on your marriage to her. I can't think of a better gift to her family than to help them overcome the lack of opportunity that they have in SA. Remember, your marriage to a Latina will affect both your families beyond the present generation. My niece and nephew in Peru are 4 and 3 yrs old, we are making sure they are starting to learn English now, my wife helps pay the cost of private school for them. With the proper education and a little help from us, they should have no trouble being ready to live and work here someday if they decide they want to.

 If you think that sending money to her family is a problem, you SHOULD forget about marrying a Latina from a poor country. It's very likely that the Latina you marry was the main income earner for her family and she will still be needed by her family in that respect. I think it is unlikely that you will find a Latina that doesn't want/need to help her family with financial matters, since she will be making more money here, even if she is a "cleaning lady".

 My wife was college educated, fluent in English, and much more computer savvy than me before we ever met. She had visited the US before we met, there wasn't really much culture shock for her. but marriage has still been a challenge and yes, has required COMPROMISE from time to time. I have given up a few things I used to do in order to spend more time with her. When she comes here, you will probably be all she has for awhile, and yes it will make you feel a little pressure like JunFan said.

 In spite of the challenges/difficulties, my marriage is great and I can't ever imagine an American women being as loving, supportive, unselfish, and loyal as my wife. She has never once acted like she thought the grass might be greener somewhere else, I don't think she ever will.

 A good marriage to a beautiful Latina IS worth the effort, but you don't marry'em and then forget about 'em and continue living your selfish single lifestyle.

[JUAN]

... in response to Re: Re: Further reality check might be i..., posted by Red Clay on Apr 6, 2002

..

[pack]

... in response to Re: Re: Further reality check might be i..., posted by Red Clay on Apr 6, 2002

Red Clay, you are right on! if you marry a latina from a poor country you are marrying the family.the girl i almost married in cali said to me once in a phone conversation the following:
"when i come to america i want to work , and the money i earn from my job i want to send to my mother in cali" then two minutes later she said. "i want you to adopt my son a soon as possible"
she hadn't even gotton her passport yet and already she was laying the law down ( money to mother and adopt kid)!

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In..., posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

Great Post!!  I love it.  Someone takes the gloves off and tells it like it is.

I by no means want to paint the Colombians with a broad brush, but what FingaRoll says is most definately applicable to women in the lower classes.  Very well said.  No BS, just the cold hard truth that most gringos do not want to see because it messes up 'the dream'.

Nothing wrong with setting your sites on a pretty women, just remember, there are plenty of pretty women that are smart and educated.  And I definately think that there is a huge difference in work ethic.  Look, we will be putting a man on Mars while they will still be hauling mangos around the streets in donkey pulled carts.

Mike

[Wayne]

... in response to Well Said, posted by JunFan on Apr 6, 2002

Mike,

Did you have arguments with your wife about not learning Spanish.  I'm curious how she responded when you called her on it.  And from the sound of your posts, I'm sure you didn't let it slide without discussion.  My wife has been here for 2 months and goes to English class 3 hours a day.  She is speaking English to me.  I speak Spanish and English to her.  I could not get her to speak English in Colombia at all...too busy, this or that.  But now she is really coming along nicely.  I definately worried about this issue before she started getting it.

Also, it seems like to dropped alot of cash, and she wasn't sensitive toward your spending.  That really has to piss you off a little...  A girl that isn't appreciative has to go, simple as that.  Looking back, do you think you threw too much cash around in the beginning.  Could you have handled the materialism thing better.

Hope you are doing OK,
Wayne

[Wayne]

... in response to Well Said, posted by JunFan on Apr 6, 2002

Yea,

And while they are hauling mangos around in carts, we developed nuclear weapons to incinerate the entire earth without the intelligence to even keep the information secure enough so that other countries don't get it.

Technology without common sense.

My vote is for more mango hauling, and less technology.

Oh, and by the way penicillin was developed by a Colombian in colombia.

These are not stupid people.

Wayne

[chevy]

... in response to Mango hauling / Well said ?, posted by Wayne on Apr 8, 2002

penicillian was discovered in 1928 in London by Alexander Fleming.

[colman]

... in response to Re: Mango hauling / Well said ?, posted by chevy on Apr 8, 2002

Chevy, first of all great car, second of all I believe Wayne was alluding to Dr.Pattaroyo's DISCOVERY of a vaccine to cure and prevent malaria. Dr.Pattoroy a COLOMBIAN doctor developed this vaccine and OFFERED FREE of charge to the world, everyone is benefiting from this except of course the U.S. government who is trying to patent and STEAL this amazing medical breakthrough and PATENT it......hmmmmmm I smell greedy a-holes trying to profit from something that surely helps us all, ALL of us---COLMAN