Chapter 1: What happened?
I am a normal person – at least I think I am. I was raised by my mother to be a good husband, to be a good provider, considerate and loving. Never hit a woman I was told. Never be a drunk or cheat on you wife I was told. Be loyal. Go to church with her. Work hard and don’t ask for much and you’ll see that she’ll provide your needs as well as you have provided for hers.
What a crock!!!
Shortly after my heart attack when I was trying to decide what was the right course of action for me to take and guarantee health and a long life. I had heard on TV and read in the local newspaper that a study had been completed that showed the importance of hugs. The study had shown that touching was extremely important and that to be healthy one should be hugged by a loved one everyday – four times. It went on to say that the healthiest people seemed to be stay-at-home Moms with young toddlers who get many hugs every day. I remember the shock I felt because I hadn’t been hugged four times in the past year. The last time I was hugged my “ex” was trying to get me to give in on going out to eat when I was sick and very tired from a bad day at work. This made me think about how much I was loved? No one had said they loved me in quite some time, I actually couldn’t remember when I had heard it. I knew I had been saying it but I couldn’t remember anyone saying it back?
My “ex” of 24 years slept, watched soap operas, and talk shows that destroyed our marriage while I worked as many as four jobs. I could barely leave for work when our children were “toddlers” because I knew she would stay in bed and allowed he children to do whatever they pleased rather than get to get up and be a responsible parent. I put the children in day care so that I could work without fear or worry for their safety. The “ex” responded to that action by getting a maid to help clean the house (what?). She never made breakfast or any other meal for that matter – at least without my having to ask or complain. Most of the time we had to eat out. She rarely found time for me (if you know what I mean). The re-runs of Nakita on USA channel meant more to her than my needs. Matter-of-fact, I was second to everything you could think of, even the dog. I remember once, on my birthday, she refused to make me one of my favorite meals, liver and onions; because she didn’t have the ingredients and she didn’t want to go to the store (even though it was my birthday). Later she got up in the middle of the night to go to the store and get the dog some “baby food” because it was sick.
Eventually I had a heart attack from the stress all this and some pretty naïve beliefs had caused me. I lost both of my two best contract jobs when they learned of the heart attack, about $87K/year worth of income and all our medical benefits. I was devastated. I was going to lose all I had, but if she, the “ex”, would work part time for a little while I might be able to recover enough to get back in there. Her response was that in our faith “no woman should work unless her husband had two jobs” (a complete exaggeration on her part). Needless to say we lost all when I had to declare bankruptcy.
My life was one of begging and pleading. Never getting anyone to support me or help me take care of the responsibilities or burdens of having a family. Every thing I wanted I had to ask, every time I wanted it. Breakfast, sex, the house cleaned, a hug, well I guess you got the idea.
I tried marriage councilors, psychiatrists, church councilors everything I could think of. Her response was that “I needed those things”? I guess meaning she didn’t.
The two days that hurt the most were when I found out I as diabetic. I showed her what the doctors explained and how I would have to eat. I showed her the pamphlets the doctors gave me. She looked at the books for a few moments and then threw them back in my lap and said, “That’s your problem. I don’t want to eat like that!” Then she got up and made brownies. The second came when she called me from the hospital saying she was getting a “hysterectomy” and if I wanted to visit her this was her room number. When I asked about how we would have more children she said it was her body and I had no say. Even to add insult to injury she had been refusing to have sex with me for some time before the surgery knowing it would be months before she was able to again. She later admitted she did that intentionally because she was mad at me for not letting her get the hysterectomy sooner.
I tried hard to understand and to stay with her but as soon as my children graduated high school I gave her the ultimatum. I had always given in for the sake of the family unity. So she didn’t take me seriously. Several months later when I realized the ultimatum was being slowly ignored and changed back to the previous lifestyle, I left. I was called everything in the book and held up for all kinds of “benefits” in the divorce but I figured anything just to get it over.
Even after all that she still refused to sign the agreed upon divorce. It was then I showed her I was not weak, but I had been a willingly and loving giver, giving in to her out of belief that it was the right thing to do (per my mother’s teachings). When she refused to sign the agreed upon divorce after extorting from me thousands, I took all the money out of her bank account, took her name off the storage, “repossessed” the new car, (I left her the used car that needed $2k worth of work and had the higher monthly payment) and sent a letter to the IRS pointing out discrepancies on her tax return. I had several more ideas to put into action when she called about 3 AM to complain about what I had done; she signed the at 6 AM that morning calling me the cruelest person that ever lived. It was actually one of the happiest days of my life to actually be free. But I had lowered myself to her level. In many ways that hurt me more than I wanted to contemplate.
Well I guess it wouldn’t be right to blame all our problems on her. I had studied law and noticed write a few constitutional discrepancies. So, wrote all my congressmen and other involved parties including Supreme Court justices and the president. I got nowhere so I filed lawsuits - against everyone of them, the President included. When I started getting audit requests from the IRS and OSHA lockouts, I filed against them also. I fought them for 13 years never getting my day in court and never winning, but never losing either. I am not in jail so I must not have done anything illegal? I actually dropped all the suits when I became diabetic and became too tired of the pursuit.
But it wasn’t till I met Marissa that I knew how cruel the government could be. The government refused my passport request. Even though I had stopped my actions many years earlier, and they had supposedly dropped theirs, I found out that they had placed a lot of harassing things in files they kept on me. Yep, for requesting my elected officials obey the Constitution I was now considered a subversive.
Ahhh, but this time I knew I could win. It was the worst mistake they had made in our years of struggle and I had proof. I was on my way to being a millionaire and possibly some political office of my own. But it meant losing Marissa for the duration of the court fight, which I estimated at about 7 years because of another acquaintance, who had done the same thing. I didn’t think it was right to keep her hanging on for what took a friend of mine seven years to accomplish. That’s when Honey posted the “Foolish Girl” posts that I broke up with her on Planet-Love.com. Wow!!! I decided that Marissa was more important and ended the conflict by simply recording one of the officials lying to me and sending him one of the copies of the tape. He got the incorrect info taken off my record and I got my passport.
I know some of you do not understand but I waited years for that mistake and when it happened I knew I was finally there. I just hadn’t expected to have someone as wonderful as Marissa in by life. It was in creditably easy to drop it all. All she had to do was tell everyone on the Planet-Love bulletin board that she loved me and actually chewed me out on one of the post for saying I was “stupid” for doing it and sang me a song (by way of post on the board – I had told her not to e-mail me anymore and planet-love was the only way she had to contact me). Fellas I had never been loved like that in my whole life. She was the right girl for me. I do not care if we hadn’t met in person.
What a courtship too?
Different!
