Pinays

[stefang]

I think in the future I will try to find a good Pinay to marry. I have continued to follow a lot of the stories and lives of people here and you seem to be the most calm and happy of all the boards this shows how good your live's are. I like how down to earth some of the posters like Feb are we she posts.

I just have to decide how I will look first. I don't know if I should write to a bunch of women or just go for a visit. I want to start slowly because I am in a new job and may not be able to go on vacation until next year.

[OUTLAW]

... in response to Pinays, posted by stefang on Jul 20, 2005

hello, my ideas on looking for a filipina are make sure of what u r looking for. what is important to u in a wife, if an when u fall in love, u hope she is what u want. i was looking for a short gal, so i tried not to write tall ones. my wife now is 4'10. (she still says she is 5'3) hehe
i would start by writing one letter a day. an u got to be organized, try to keep a copy,  if u have any questions put them at the end of your letter. like ps. they seem to not answer all ur questions if u dont do this. put 1 dollar in the letter for postage, they r very poor,
it cost me about $10,000 to get my wife here, $2,000 for my trip their to meet her, $1000 for paper work, $1,000 for her ticket here, $1000 to suport her till she got here, an about $5,000 in phone calls, hehe,
always use phone cards, it will cut u off an the end of ur $5 card so u dont talk for a hour or more, hehe

OUTLAW

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Pinays, posted by OUTLAW on Jul 21, 2005

Outlaw thanks for the info. I did the same when I was with my Brazilian fiance. I used the calling cards also cheaper and easier to control. I probably spent at least $15,000 over the past 3 1/2 years with three trips to Portugal and one to Brazil but I don't look at the cost that much if you succeed in what you are looking for in life.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Pinays, posted by OUTLAW on Jul 21, 2005

NEVER put cash in a letter to the Philippines! Not even a dollar!

With the number of dishonest postal employees over there, you are asking for trouble. Count on some letters being opened before delivery and once they find ANY cash in just one of your letters, all the rest to that address will be fair game forever.

Ray

[stefang]

... in response to Good advice, but…, posted by Ray on Jul 21, 2005

Ray I suppose these mail clerks probably have a cheat sheet pinned on the wall of certain women recieving money through the mail? Once a letter comes in, bingo they open it, Papas got a new trike to buy soon thanks to American men!

[Bear]

... in response to Pinays, posted by stefang on Jul 20, 2005

Its not all wine and roses.  In the five years I've known my wife we've had some real challenges, mostly medical and finacial.  The true test is how you work them out.  To me the key is sincerity and communication.  Don't be a wimp - they will not respect you - but don't be an @ss either.

Sounds like you think it's fast trac - it is not.  I don't think its time yet to consider when you'll go to meet them cause your not even writing anyone yet.  That event will work itself out when the time is right.  

As for how many to write?  I wrote as many as wrote me back (at one point 17 but regularly 13), that is until I met Honey.  I knew she was the right one the 1st day we chatted together.  I don't actually recommend that though (sticking with one).  I think its better to write 5-10 and then go meet 2-3.  Too many Filipinas have some serious potential life situations that you won't know about till you meet them (mostly from family) and quite a few Filipinas marry the 1st one who shows up with a ring.

Know what you want and don't settle but don't be picky either.  (like in the movie Shenadoah where he ask "Do you love her? he responded "I like her.")  My qualification was simple.  I wanted to meet someone who wasn't looking for someone (me).  Why?  Because I was paranoid of getting scammed.  If they even mentioned money I was out of there.  Honey wasn't interested in marriage and had a set career path in place.  Even after we agreed to marry she wouldn't accept money from me.  I had to "hire" her to get her to accept money to finish college (she had to give up her scholarship to marry me).  And I had to convinced her to buy "ME" a cell phone so that I could have it when I got there (which knocked $500/mo off my phone bill from her collect calls and gave me a method to call her).  

If possible get a Filipina you know to introduce you to a friend (yes you do know one!).  I still think DonB2222 had the best technique, odd how it failed so miserably.  He went to the Phils and pick her out.  Unfortuneately he picked someone looking for him and used him to get here.  I've seen quite a few guys get hurt, some of them were just flat out stupid, most were scammed by artist.  

Ask questions.  Try to trip them up.  Believe me if they are sincere they will willing participate because the good ones want a lasting marriage too.  If they won't answer your question (many won't if they don't think its not importat) then explain why its important and ask again.  Sincerely answer your own questions - but after they do.  If they know what you want to hear then you'll get that answer every time so don't be too obvious untill you got an idea she might be the right one.

Don't bring the "American" dating concept into this.  They do not pick their mates for the reasons AW's do.  Looks, wealth, age, hair, weight, musles, etc. don't bare the same emphasis as with AW's - most often those items don't make the top 10.  Most can't afford makeup so don't look at one and think shes ugly - most AW's would crack paint if they didn't have makeup on.  You can doll up anyone.  Be more concern about were her efforts are, like "trying" to be healthy and frugal.

Most of all be wary of her family and her attitude towards them.  If you are not #1 from the beginning then you'll never be.  The desire to help is good but it cannot be her purpose for coming here and it cannot hurt YOUR family.

Good Luck,

The Bear Family

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Pinays, posted by Bear on Jul 20, 2005

Hi Bear thanks for the info. I am not thinking fast track either, don't pay to much attention to  my grammar and writing skills it has always been my weakest subject. I definately don't plan sending a self adressed box with a return postage and a Pinay inside, sarcasm!

If I say your lives seem happier it is because the majority of the guys have found women willing to stick around through the good and bad times. It is hard to find today anybody that isn't flighty when the hard times come around and they will for everybody. I know one of the important qualities is finding a woman that puts her husband first it is why I canceled my visa with my Brazilian fiance. It was great at first but when I tried to call to talk to her and she wanted me to call later so she could watch her telenova I knew I had a woman that thinks for herself first. She didn't do this in the beginning just after we decided to marry. It wasn't just this some other things made me realize I found someone I was not compatible with. I don't hate her I just realized our ways of thinking are different to the point our relationship would of fallen apart over time.

[uschou]

... in response to Pinays, posted by stefang on Jul 20, 2005


Hey, Stefang...makes me wonder -- how come the only wives that post are Asian??  Ain't there no latinas posting over on the other side of the fencE?

Seriously, I jsut realize this...wow....

Say, that brings up another question: don't these supposedly "more traditional" societies have good ol' matchmakers no more??

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Pinays, posted by uschou on Jul 20, 2005

Actually a few guys here have been matched up to Pinays from other women already here. This seemed to happen in past American society. A lot of men used to be set up through a sister or friend and enjoyed a good life after. Maybe I will try this or just take an ad and let the women pick me instead.

[Jimbo]

... in response to Pinays, posted by stefang on Jul 20, 2005

I'd say do both.  But don't write to too many or you'll get overwhelmed (unless you're like Steve G who initially wrote to 257 - LOL).  I only wrote to four and that was stressful.  Having to say goodbye to the ones that "don't feel right" is a sad scene.

Being there is also a great opportunity.  And being in a place like Hong Kong is great too.  If you go to a Catholic church in Hong Kong on Sunday you're guaranteed to see hundreds of filipinas - hard working ones who go to church on Sunday.  When I went there this really blew my mind!

Cheers,
Jim

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Pinays - good move!, posted by Jimbo on Jul 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by stefang]

Hi Jim I may also just take an ad and let them pick me instead. I will wait a little while with the new job and everything. One problem with my new job is I have to travel and it makes it hard to start a family. There wasn't much work in my region for my occupation so I had no choice.

[jon]

... in response to Re: Re: Pinays - good move!, posted by stefang on Jul 20, 2005

Thats not always the best strategy, the wrong ones find you fast.  Just expereince speaking.  Just use your head.

Jon