... in response to Craigjjs Vietnam, posted by stefang on Jul 8, 2005Hi Stefang,
It is always hard to speak in generalities. I will try to stick to impressions I received from the majority of the women I came to know. There are, of course, exceptions. There are Vietnamese women who are quite similar to western women, but they are in minority. It is also easy to fall into the "cheerleading" mode because I met such a wonderful woman. I will try to avoid that.
I think that Vietnam retains more of the Confucian family-centered cultural influence than most, if not all, Asian countries. As a result, there remains extremely powerful motivation for women to marry and have children. Family is the highest priority, by a very great distance. In my experience, the women are genuinely, honestly happy to have a relationship. They receive their fulfillment from marriage and family. The benefit to you is loyalty, unfiltered, unrestrained love, a great mother for your children, and a wonderful partner. But, you will also shoulder more resonsibility for her happiness than with most western women. She won't tell you that, but it is the situation. A decent guy will realize that this is a significant responsibility. So, you should be prepared to invest a great deal of your time and energy in your relationship and family. If you are a guy who has many outside interests and a wife's role is rather limited, a relationship with a Vietnamese woman will be difficult. She will understand your outside responsibilities and interests, but will wish she had more of your time and may be unhappy as a result. If the thought of a woman putting her happiness in your hands is not comfortable, Vietnam is probably not the best place for you. When I look back, the common themes I found were genuine concern for my happiness and health, willingness to give a great deal to a relationship and extremely strong family orientation. I guess the positive things that I find in western women that I did not often find in Vietnamese women were independence, interests outside of the family, and the willingness to say what they are thinking.
I am not sure what you are looking for in terms of culture. There are websites with useful information about customs, etc. Try www.loveofasiavietnam.com to start. If you want to read about history or cultural issues there are a couple books I can recommend, but they are pretty academic. The language is very difficult. Fortunately, they use our alphabet. But verbal communications are very tough.
Obviously, this is the tip of the iceberg. If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me (craigjjs@nospam.com).
Craig
