I wrote the following post in response to JFS regarding Chinese Women, but it got put way down low on the list, and I wanted you all to be able to read my great prose, and be dazzled by my shining wit, so I am re-posting here - so it will be up higher where you will notice it. :-D
In Reply to: Chinesse Women? posted by jfs on 09/15/2004:
Hello JFS,
I have some experience with only one Chinese woman, and it has all been wonderful! I contacted my girlfriend through an obscure site called "datehunters.net" about a year ago - it's a free site. Since then, I have been smitten! I never dated any Asian women before, although like many American men, I have always been at least somewhat attracted to the exotic good looks of these Pearls of the Orient.
I visited my girlfriend, Ping, in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, China, in May of this year. She is from a relatively small oil producing town wich is a 6 hour bus ride from Zhengzhou. Zhengzhou is the provincial capital, and has a population of about 2 or 3 million people. I flew from Los Angeles to Guangzhou (near Hong Kong), then changed planes and flew to Zhengzhou.
Ping graduated from a technical college in Zhengzhou a couple years ago with a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. Ping is 26 years old (I was 37, now 38), 5'7" tall, 125 lbs. She lives with her parents, as many single Chinese women do.
Ping was attended by one of her hometown friends, Bonny; I think Bonny was there as a chaperone. Also, one of Bonny's friends, Crystal, who lives in Zhengzhou spent a lot of time with us.
Ping is sexually open with me, although I think it is a taboo subject in general in Chinese culture. And even though she is open with me in discussing sexual issues, she is a devout virgin until marriage. It's very refreshing to meet someone who has some sexual restraint, and who has enough self respect to honor her own moral convictions; while still having a healthy sexual appetite/curiosity/imagination. And her ardent behavior outside of actual intercourse has assured me that I won't be marrying a cold fish.
I don't know how important religion or spirituality is to you, but it is moderately important to me. Ping identifies herself as a Buddhist, but I don't get the impression she is devout in her piety. But what is important to me is that she believe in God - by whatever name she might ascribe. And she does believe in God, and prays on a regular basis. When I was in China, we visited the Shao Lin Temple (the birthplace of Kung Fu). Ping lit some incense and offered some prayers while I watched. Even though I am not a Buddhist, I could feel a strong holy pressence there.
I have offered many times to send some money to Ping when she has told me of some expense she needs to pay, or when there is some item she would like to buy, but she has always insistently declined my offer. Even though she is an engineer, she only earns about $140(US) per month. Many expenses in China are much less than in USA, so she is not completely destitute - but many western type items are as expensive there as they are here. For instance, cellular phones cost about the same - but cellular service costs much less. Cosmetics are very expensive. Clothes of good quality are expensive. Automobiles are almost unheard of for common people, because of the expense. Medicine is not very expensive, but supplements such as vitamins are expensive - and the quality is suspect. And medical care is inexpensive, but the medical system is rife with corruption - so if you want good medical care, you must "grease the wheels"; that is to say, good medical care is moderately expensive, whereas slow and shoddy medical care is free.
Ping speaks very good English. So does her friend, Bonny. They both studied English all the way through their schooling, and both continue to self study. Ping and Bonny met each other while competing in an English speaking contest about 6 months ago. Bonny won second place, Ping won third place, out of several hundred contestants. They both tell me that the boy who won might have paid off the judges, because it was obvious his skill was not superior. I get the impression that graft is very common in China at every level of society.
Bonny, along with another friend of hers, own an English language school in their hometown. They tutor/teach all levels of English to school children. Both Bonny and her friend have full-time jobs, and teach the children in the evenings and on the weekends. Parents pay dearly to make sure their children learn English - I think it is seen as an important skill that will help integrate into the world economy. Ping also helps teach at the school occassionally.
Ping has written me a number of poems. Even though they are not grammatically perfect, they are very romantic and endear her to me greatly. Her poems are even more enduring because of the occasional quirkiness of her grammar and word choices. I mention this because I find artistic ability very desirable. I think it portends a wide breadth of mental ability, and shows a high level of character development.
I could probably write an entire book about why I love Ping, and why I admire and respect her. But I think this is already getting a little bit long. But before I end, I want to get to a few more things...
When I was in Zhengzhou, in May, I had a great time with Ping, Bonny, and Bonny's friend Crystal. (Of course, they all have Chinese names - but they are quite proud of the 'Western' names they have picked out for themselves - Ping's Western name is Jessie) I only saw one other non-Chinese person the entire week I was in Zhengzhou - and he was eating with a Chinese woman at a Pizza Hut restaurant!
At times, I felt almost like an animal from the zoo, that had been let out to be paraded around by my hosts. Chinese people seemed awestruck to see a Westerner in their central Chinese city. People would stop on their bycicle, stand and stare at me with their mouths open. I would sometimes smile and wave; but just as if the gorilla from the zoo had waved and smiled, they just continued to stare in practical disbelief. Of course, this happened frequently, but it was only a very small (tiny) fraction of the people who would do this. Younger people would often want to try their English with me - but usually they could only say a few basic words such as "Hello" and "Goodbye". But these younger people were very friendly, and found it quite fun to see and speak with a Westerner.
The food was good, and relatively inexpensive. We ate out at the full range of places. We sometimes ate food from small carts where enterprising Chinese would cook some snack-type food and sell it on the sidewalk. Sometimes we would eat at a restaurant that would be of average quality in America. I never got sick or felt like the food was unclean. I am a picky eater, so I often declined to eat what was suggested - but I never went hungry because there was always something I liked. We even ate at some very nice restaurants that rival the ambiance and quality of nice restaurants in America. And even at these very nice restaurants, the prices although high by Chinese standards, were still low by Western standards -- less than $10US per person.
This was my first trip to China, and I was a little bit apprehensive of traveling to a communist country. I had visions in my head of checkpoints, showing my "papers", and being detained while they investigated my intentions. But my trip was completely trouble-free. Of course, I had to show my passport and visa when I arrived, but they simply looked at me, looked at my passport, stamped it and waved me through. They never even asked me any questions about where I was going, who I was visiting, or what business I had. When I applied for the visa, I simply stated that I was going on vacation. I rarely saw any police or military - in fact it seemed like there were far fewer police and military than I routinely see here in Southern California, USA.
One thing that was very interesting was the communist control of the media. In the hotel, there was one television chanel in English. The news anchors were Chinese people that spoke perfect English. But the funny thing was that some of them spoke with an American accent, and some spoke with a British accent. The news was not openly hostile to Western countries, but it was very slanted in what it reported. There were stories about the war in Iraq, and although they weren't that much different than what I see here in USA, it seemed that they took some morbid glee at reporting deaths of Americans and any setbacks that occured. And they seemed to be reporting the "great accomplishments" of China, as if they were trying to sell me something. Which, in reality, I guess they were.
But the wierdest thing was when I was discussing some things with Ping and Bonny and we came upon the subject of the Tien An Men Square Massacre in 1989. They were completely convinced that no Chinese people were killed by the military. They had been taught that some Western spies had infiltrated the country, and had encouraged the Chinese students to demonstrate. But that the Chinese officials convinced them of the horrible motivations of the Western spies - so the Chinese students dispersed willingly. Then the Western spies, in desperation, started to riot against the Chinese military - and only then was it necessary for the military to use force, but only against the Western spies - not against the Chinese students who had already dispersed. I didn't argue with them very much about it, because I don't want to bring any harm to them if they start to question things. I have a strong moral aversion to communism, but I also have a healthy fear of what they will do to anyone who opposes them. If anyone has more questions about this subject, please ask.
I did have to search for someone to help me at the airport to make my connecting flight. Not many people, even at the international airport, could speak English. I would never consider going to China without the assistance of a translator; that is if you do not intend to visit someone who speaks English, and who will take care of you while you are there. So I would not recommend that anyone just buy a ticket and go to China with great hopes of finding a wife. I don't think you would have good luck finding even your hotel, much less a wife, without some help. Maybe in cities that have more international influence, such as Beijing or Shanghai, you might find more English speakers.
Now I want to tell you about what may be the most important thing in my posting. Bonny would like to meet a Western man to be her boyfriend, and possibly fall in love, and get married. I already introduced her to an acquaintance of mine - but there was no chemistry between them. She is a wonderful girl, is very industrious, and is quite pretty. She is about 5'3", maybe 100 pounds or so, has medium length dark brown hair, and a pretty face. She currently has braces on her teeth, so she is self-conscious of her smile, but she likes to laugh and smile when she can forget about her braces. She doesn't drink or smoke, and seems to be a very wholesome person. She has never been married, doesn't have children - and I don't think she has ever had a "serious" boyfriend (which is common in China). She has a college degree, although I am not sure in what field. I think it is in International Marketing, or International Business - you will have to ask her to be sure. She is not as outgoing as Ping, but she is still a very fun person. Right now, Bonny is attending an advanced English class in Beijing. She will be there for a couple more months. I am not sure if Bonny regularly checks her e-mail while she is in Beijing. But if you would like to contact her, send a note of whatever length you might like to me, and I will forward it to Ping - who will then call Bonny and arrange to forward it to her. Don't get too personal in your first note, because Ping is a little bit nosey and will probably read it before she forwards it - and Bonny may even have Ping read the note to her over the phone.
And if any of you other people, besides JSF, would like to send a note to Bonny, please feel free to send it to me, and I will forward it. But keep in mind, she might not be able to correspond much until she comes back home from Beijing in a few months. But it's very cheap to call China, and Bonny has a cellphone. You can buy a phonecard online (I buy mine at cloncomm.com) and it's only about $0.04/min to call China.
Well, I think I have already overloaded this post. Good Luck!
Pat Sharp
pat_sharp@nospam.com
