Question to the group

[Troy]

... in response to Don't put words in my mouth., posted by HaroldC on Mar 15, 2004

And the hypocrisy continues.  I wonder how many men, when either dealing with AW, LW, or American Women, would hold off having sex before marriage.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Don't put words in my mouth., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

is tantamount to calling me a liar, since all you know about me is what I have said here. What's the point of continuing discussion with a liar?

The fact is that we held off having sex even AFTER marriage.

I understand why you must assume the character of others is even more flawed than your own- because you are pathetic.

And, your understanding of human sexuality is juvenile, Dr. Troy.

[senior citizen]

... in response to Re: Don't put words in my mouth., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

Having extensive experience before I married a virgin, I can tell you that if she doesn't bring it up, don't sweat it. It makes no difference except to her. If she feels better for being a virgin when she marries, good. Praise her, it will make her feel better. If she was not a virgin, good. Don't bring up the subject. If she is virginal, once the initial discomfort is over for her it will cease to be an issue in your marriage. I can truly say that my Filipina was, even if inexperienced, enthusiastic right from the start. She still is today, nearly a quarter century later.

Don't let a little thing like a maidenhead, or the lack of one, become a problem in your marriage.

[senior citizen]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

Well I sure don't have any personal experience about older Asian virgins, but Honey's oldest sister didn't marry until she was 30 and Honey says she was a virgin.
Honey has a couple of aunts who are unmarried and in their 40s and she claims they are also virgins. They were intent on their careers and never got around to marrying, had standards too high for the guys who were interested. I think it as because they were highly educated and a little on the plain side, myself. Many men were less attracted to them and afraid of their education and status. They could have been very attractive but they dress like a 1950's high school librarian and they act like one, too. A little on the strict side.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

out of the blue?

I agree her being a virgin is not at all remarkable.

[William]

... in response to Yeah, but, how about that SHE brought it..., posted by HaroldC on Mar 13, 2004

I'm with you, Harold.
It does seem like mentioning this in the second letter is odd. If she had said, in an off hand manner, "....I'm saving myself for marriage.", that would seem proper and appropriate.
She seems eager to state her virginity.
A yellow flag, perhaps.

[Bob S]

... in response to Re: Yeah, but, how about that SHE brough..., posted by William on Mar 14, 2004

is an English euphemism we use in polite company.  Perhaps her English is not so fluent that she knows that particular phrase.  If you are not conversely fluent in her culture also, you don't know if she's being rude, overly bold, or if she is expected to convey this information somehow to a prospective suitor to let you know she is a serious quality catch by her standards.  A yellow flag at most.  Not a red flag (unless you're looking for someone with lots of sheet experience).

[don2222]

... in response to Re: Yeah, but, how about that SHE brough..., posted by William on Mar 14, 2004

[This message has been edited by don2222]

Most Filipina virgins, in my experience, will proudly let you know that they are still a virgin.  On the occaisions that I have asked the question, the virgins sit up straight, and say "Yes!!, I am still a virgin!" while the non-virgins will hang their heads  and mumble their answer. I am guessing that she  just wants to make sure that he knows she is a "good girl" and that she is saving herself for her future husband.
Filipino men, in general, will try to bed as many women as possible before marriage, but then demand to marry only a virgin.

IMHO only,

Don

[greg]

... in response to Re: Yeah, but, how about that SHE brough..., posted by William on Mar 14, 2004

to most Asians in their native countries. Many of the Asian males won't marry a non virgin. I see no Flags, she got the right to feel proud of herself for being a Virgin at such an older age.

[greg]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

You bet. Don't be shocked that many Foreigner Oriental Women are older Virgins.

[Bear]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

About 4 years ago when I first started getting involved in writting Filipinas I met a guy who just married a Filipina he been writting for 4 years.  This girl lived in Hong Kong as a maid (with a nursing degree mind ya) was drop dead gorgeous - seriously put "Miss America" to shame!  She was 36 y.o. when they finally got married and she was still a virgin!  I was in shock and most everyone I told here in the good ole' USA didn't believe me.  It was a major factor in my deciding to continue looking overseas for a wife.
You may say that it isn't a big deal to you but it says tons about the girl and the marriage you will have and the morallity she will raise your children with.  Sounds to me like you have a winner.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

[KenB]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

n/t

[Bob S]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

8-D

[Jeff S]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

I'll go along with the group, too - Yes, your assessment is wrong. There are plenty of virginal girls in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s in Asia. I can say with confidence, that Asia is NOTHING like the USA. Sex isn't glorified and pasted all over everything. Sure there are "bad" girls there, but unlike here, where bad girls are considered the ideal, they're considered bad - as in not good - looked down on by society, bringing shame to themselves and their families. Ask some of the guys who spend lots of time over there how rough single mothers have it. They have little hope of ever landing a decent local man. Good girls don't do those things. Even in Thailand, the sex capitol of Asia, maybe the world, there are plenty of sweet, innocent ladies who are saving themselves for marriage, knowing if they don't their lives will be filled with shame and embarrassment. Here, on the other hand, it's a kind of badge of honor among young women to have had at least one abortion. If you're planning to get involved in Asian cultures, be very slow to compare them to modern America.

Just my rarely humble opinion, your mileage may vary.

- Jeff

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

Ken B

I just returned from China from a 2 week visit and I just got engaged after meeting my girl for the first time.  We have communicated with each other very seriously for 6 months now almost daily.

Based on my recent experience in China from what I observed  I do think it is a very strong possibity that she is a virgin at 32 still.  Chinese values and mores are very different than western values.   Mainland Chinese values are still very traditional.  Don't be surprised if she lives with her parents still either.  However Shenzen is a border city to Hong Kong which is more Western in style and maybe values.  Chinese women are not nieve either however.  If they are playing the field then they most likely are not ashamed of it either.  I would give her the benefit of the doubt --  She probably wouldn't bother to tell you this information about her virginity status unless it was very important to her.

Unless this virginity designation is absolutely crucial for your acceptance of her I would not worry about this.  It is okay to be cautious when looking for friendship but I don't think it is good to be so pessimistic from the onset either.
Just write and talk with her steadily. see how you two communicate together.  Take it easy  -- if she is a  scammer those traits will show them selves in due time as you are getting to know her.  Trust  your intuition

Windmill Boy