Question to the group

[KenB]

I have been writing to a women who works in Shenzhen, China. I found her profile on the Cherryblossoms site. I am of course very cautious in this endeavor and are aware of the usual scams. She is a very attractive 32 year old. In her second letter to me she mentioned that she has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin wanting to save herself for her future husband. Now I did not coerce this from her and actually this is of little import to me. My concern is that in fact this raised a major red flag in my mind. Other than that statement our letters have been fine and cordial and we've written about 6 times already. I think the odds of finding an attractive 32yo "virginal" oriental women is the same as finding a similar AW in this country. Very unlikely. So now I think this women is probably a scammer but I will continue to write her and wait for the hints of economic help. Am I wrong in my assessment? Is it possible?

[Troy]

... in response to Question to the group, posted by KenB on Mar 12, 2004

I may be in the extreme minority here, but I have no desire to marry a virgin.  Such a woman has no experience in a very important facet of human existance.  As such, there is no way of knowing what she enjoys, and what she doesn't.  And once you've married her, you're stuck with her opinions and mannerisms on the subject.

Another concern is that we, as humans, are inquisitive by nature, male and female.  The myth that women aren't as intruiged by sex is just that- a myth.  And since women get just as horny as men, who's to say your virgin wife won't want to enjoy other experiences once she's had you?  Can you honestly--honestly-- see your self just having had sex with one woman for all of your life?

Lastly, there's the real concern that older virigins have serious issues with sex and sexuality.  If all their life a woman has been brainwashed into thinking that sex is dirty, religiously hampered (bible thumper humper), and/or only for baby-making, then such a woman will be what I call a 'sex-washout'.  Sex-washouts are women who are reluctant to engage in oral sex, different positions, experimentation, or any of the other common sexual pleasures that are necessary to spice up a couple's love life. Sex- washouts are women who only want to do it one way, with all the lights out, and they want to get it over as soon as possible so she can go back to reading her favorite novel.  These women have no sexual desires because they've been taught to not have them.  There's nothing more aggitating then to have a girlfriend or wife who's a cold-fish when it comes to sex (can you say, time for an affair with the hot pinay at the gym?).

Don't get me wrong, I don't want a woman who's been stretched out by every tom, dick and harry she has encountered.  But you can definetly keep your virgins. Keep 'em.  Maybe that's why I'm more into the more sexually liberated latins???

[greg]

... in response to Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Troy on Mar 14, 2004

that us Listers are looking for a Virgin?? Why are you so concerned about Virgins on both the Latin and Asian forum??? Maybe Your speaking of Yourself loool

[Jeff S]

... in response to Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Troy on Mar 14, 2004

Well, I didn't marry a virgin - she had an 8 year old daughter, though she claims it was an immaculate conception. I don't agree that people have to sort out their sexuality before being able to perform well. I've read all the posts about "trying her out" before marriage to make sure you're not hooked up with a dud, and I think that very concept is rediculous. Now, if you're a player looking for a lot sex from different women, that may be the way to go, but sex within the context of marriage is an entirely different matter, in my opinion.

In the case of marriage, making sure you marry a good sex partner is putting the cart before the horse. Great sex comes from complete committment and trust - things that only come from marriage. This is not to say there isn't great sex outside of marriage. Being single and traveling the world on an expense account from my early 20s to my mid 30s, I know all about having great sex with strange and exotic women, but in marriage, things are different. Pleasing your partner is what marriage is all about.

If anything great pre-marital sex gets in the way of making a decision about someone you may want to hook up with. The little head's thoughts cloud the big head's reasoning. So I guess what I'm saying is: a great marriage begets great sex, and the reverse is obviously not true - great sex does not beget a great marriage.

Just my, never to be hunmble, opinion.

- Jeff

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Jeff S on Mar 15, 2004

nt

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Jeff S on Mar 15, 2004

Well said

[Carr]

... in response to Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Troy on Mar 14, 2004

...but we do stash a copy of kamas*tra under the bed.  Ya know, just in case we land that cute American boy that we love so much.

Shows how much you know about Asian women.  You should go and talk to these men who are married to these Asian women. One comment that I always hear whenever I meet with Fil-am couples is "How do I turn her off?"

[Troy]

... in response to We may be virgins..., posted by Carr on Mar 15, 2004

Ah, and this is my point.  What happens if a man marries a virgin and, unlike the Asian women you refer to, she HATEs sex.  What's a married man to do?

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: We may be virgins..., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

if a woman is passionate without bonking her. I'm surprised that someone as experienced as you doesn't know that.

And just maybe being with a man who has unequivocally committed himself is a real turn-on for a woman. I'm surprised that someone as experienced as you doesn't know that.

[senior citizen]

... in response to Re: We may be virgins..., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

From all accounts I have heard and others I have talked to, that will not be a problem. To use a rather inelegant old Marine Corps term, they don't call them LBFM's for nothing, you know. Finding an Asian woman, especially a Filipina who does not like sex is like finding a woman who despises chocolate, roses and jewelry. They do still make 'em, but they are darned few and far between. The problem is more likely to be with the masculine clumsiness than the feminine frigidity. If you are both virgins you have a lot to learn, so get busy with that "homework". Things will work themselves out. They usually do.

[Ray]

... in response to Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Troy on Mar 14, 2004

[This message has been edited by Ray]

That’s fine Troy that you aren’t looking for a virgin. Most of the guys here weren’t looking for a virgin either and that wasn’t one of their requirements in finding a mate. However, I think you have some serious misconceptions about sex and sexuality.

What makes you think that Latins are more sexually liberated than Asians? Have you ever been to Japan, Thailand, the Philippines? Just because a lady is more inclined to display her “wares” in public doesn’t mean that she will be any better in bed. Didn’t you know that most Latin women were probably raised as Catholics? Is THAT what makes them more sexually liberated than say, a Buddhist girl???

You seem to think that because a woman is religious, that automatically means that she has been brainwashed to think that sex is dirty. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Teaching that one should save sex for marriage is not the same as teaching that sex is “dirty”. You said “These women have no sexual desires because they've been taught to not have them”. What??? Taught by whom? I’ve never heard that before! I don’t think that someone can be “taught” not to have any sexual desires.

Also, the fact that a girl lost her virginity at an earlier age doesn’t mean that she has any more sexual desire than one who lost her virginity later in life. Believe me on that one!

I am certainly not claiming to be an expert on sex and sexuality, but I can assure you that from some of your comments, you are certainly no expert either :-)

Ray

[HaroldC]

... in response to Virgins are a bad idea , posted by Troy on Mar 14, 2004

I can testify that you are 180 degrees off- and rather pathetic.

You are claiming that I would be much better off if my wife had had sex with you before I did. Yup, that's pathetic.

Can you honestly--honestly-- see a sexually liberated latin just having sex with one man for all the rest of her life?

[Troy]

... in response to Despite your elaborate rationalizing ..., posted by HaroldC on Mar 14, 2004

There's a difference between an experienced woman and a wh*re.  

To answer your question---yes, I can.  After she has a had few experiences that have allowed her to fully understand her wants and desires, and, consequently, she is able express her wants and desires to her partner, I am fairly certain a liberated latina can stay monogomas.

Now, what is pathetic is the hypocrisy of men like yourself who demand virgins but are not virgins themselves.  So, its okay for you have had a few sex partners, but not for the woman...that's pathetic.

[nealt]

... in response to Re: Despite your elaborate rationalizing..., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

you sound like a pervert i think you should go after latinos you 2-3-4 or an orgy can play burn out

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Despite your elaborate rationalizing..., posted by Troy on Mar 15, 2004

"hypocrisy of men like yourself who demand virgins"

You said "Virgins are a bad idea." I simply told you that every one of your speculations, in my experience, was completely wrong.

You seem to be approaching this on a very theoretical basis.
For example, you accept as given that a woman would "fully understand her wants and desires" "After she has a had few experiences". Yeah, sure. Maybe you should open a clinic.

And what's wrong with having those 'few experiences' with her husband, hmmm?

Your whole attitude just has that 'I read about it in a book, so I'm an expert' feel to it. You remind me of those arrogant young doctors who have just started to practice. I'm going to call you Dr. Troy.