How different life is now.

[Bear]

... in response to bear, if you dont mind, posted by Robian on Dec 28, 2003

26 years.  Age is a factor but not as important as here in the states.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

[Peter Lee]

... in response to bear, if you dont mind, posted by Robian on Dec 28, 2003

Hi yan welcome to PL

There is a 40 year gap between me and my wife.   She is 20 and I am 60.   And yes age does matter!   We are not based on a physical relationship and we plan on having children.  I am sure that some couples would have problems while others would not.  We have been married since Sep 2003 and have known each other about one year now.  I am very happy with her and she seems happy with me.   I am a Martial Arts instructor so I may look younger than most as I am in good physical shape and have never been married.  There are other Filipinas married here at home with your age difference 30 years and seem to be very happy.   I have been told the risk is greater the more the age difference.  But similar age differences have not guaranteed successful marriages either.  With me we took a long 2 month motorcycle and ferry trip all over the Visayas.  In that time we bonded, it was so strong and powerful that I can't see life without her.  I felt the bonding happened to both of us.  I feel love takes years to grow, I have seen it in my parents.  She is not here yet so I can only tell you what we have done up to now.   Our email snail mail chats and phone calls are great.   I have seen her two times in Dec 02 and again in July to Sep 03.  I guess it is the ultimate test that most couples who meet and marry locally never go through that ultimate test..  By the time she gets here we will know more about each other than most couples who have married locally.  Any way that's my 2peso worth.   Hope you get more responses it would be interesting.  But really Yan after you meet and court awhile if there is any question or doubt stop.   My wife said to me that if I had any doubt to marry her to stop.  She said she is still young and can find another mate if I reject her.  But to get married when I have regrets or doubts would be worse.  I felt free to really think about what I was doing.   So when I made my decision to ask her to marry me I was committed 100%.   The reason I said that age makes a difference is there are more challenges and roadblocks ahead for big gap marriages.   Yes like your sister my wife's papa is younger than me.  Many negative problems come up that don’t come up with less age gap couples you know that.  But the rewards are there too, older men are more mature, financially stable, and know what they want and are more committed.  The older guy has got his playing around days over with and wants a stable loving relationship.   Younger guys may do that too but more risky.   But you know that already and it depends on the guy and you right?   So if you have never met don’t get so mushy and intimate with your chats and email at first.   The whole reason for them is to meet first and see each other face to face and go from there.
I had a nice Filipina in Davao and got to see her after chatting and emailing for several months.   When we met it was a disaster, her picture was nothing like what she sent, she was rude and I didn’t think she liked me either.   But I left with lots of experience and embarrassment.  
It would be interesting if you told us about your sister who had married someone as old as your papa too.  It sounds like she was unhappy otherwise you wouldn't be asking.  Good Luck in finding happyness.

Bye
Merry New Year
Peter Lee

[Robian]

... in response to Re: bear, if you dont mind, posted by Peter Lee on Dec 28, 2003

HI peter! thanks for the post, it's great.
I already gave up last May on searching for that someone and im glad i did gave myself the second chance to search again coz i wouldn't have known such a great man as Bob.
My fiancee and I met last june 08, 2003 and all we know we've been spending each day together before he left on the 25th.By that time we've known each other but not that much, so he decided to come back by October. Email, chatting, and calling me for almost everyday made him anxious and impatient to come back here in Cebu. So he came back last August 19, 2003 bringing his eldest son ( maybe to see if i could be a good stepmom ) ooops...his son is 4 years older than me. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend.During those times i told myself that this man is the one want to be with and grow old with.They left on Sept. 06,2003. He came back last October 15 and stayed until nov. 20. That's the time when our relationship was really tested. My parents are too strict that wherever we go, we had a chaperone and Bob can't adjust to the culture that he thinks my parents dont trust him with me. I dont like his being cranky at times as well as he dont like my pouting all the time. But later with his stay here, we were able to work things out.
You are right Peter, older men is done with his playing around days, thats why i choose to be with one coz im tired of being fooled and broken hearted.
Bob has shown me a lot of things. One thing i like most of him is that he takes good care of me. He respects me and he always tells me that im special and that he's so lucky to have me. He made some poems for me too. Life would never be the same again without Bob.
We are planning to get married next year, no fix date yet but i'll post here when the date is set.
bob and yan

[Peter Lee]

... in response to our story, posted by Robian on Dec 29, 2003

Hi again Yan,

These replies can go on forever hehehe but I did want to comment on Bob's son being 4 years older than you.  Here in our town there is a couple married and the Filipina is 25 and her husband's son is 20.  The husband is 57 and they are married 3 years now.  They did have some problems in the beginning as the son still lives in the same house as they do.  The problem was lack of respect from the younger son.  Remember the attitude and upbringing here in the USA is different from the Philippines, this son was very, very rude and disrespectful and resented his dad marrying someone so young.  The father has a problem choosing which one to side with and sometimes makes the mistake of choosing the son's side of a disagreement.  Well she ran away for a week and finally came back after a long talk.  Now a year later everything is ok again.  I am sure that Bob's son is not like that but I wanted to share the story so you could get the part of him having to choose sides in a disagreement.  It put her in a very bad situation in a strange land away from her family and friends.  I don't think the husband knew how bad it was till it was too late.  But the story had a good ending as they are back together again and they are my best friends and help me with anything when it comes to questions about my wife. I was in Cebu in Dec 02 when I met my wife.  I was disappointed with a few chat mates I visited and was invited to a house by my now wife's Aunt.  She lives in greyhound village Cacu.  I was invited to meet the Aunt's daughter but Maricel caught my eye.  We were introduced and the rest is history.  Like you the courtship was with the whole family tagging along hehehe I didn’t mind.  Yes I wish there was not so much age difference between us but we became sweethearts fell in love and bonded.  I have the feeling that it will be the best thing I have ever done.  But Yan I am limited with my advice coz I have not been married long.  My wife is still not here with me, others with a longer track record than I can give other examples like Bear and Honey.  But I am just a few months from where you are now and I can say that I was very nervous at the civil wedding in Cebu.  I had never been married before and it was a big step for me.  Even though we are apart I have never been so happy before.  
So good luck keep posting and Merry New Year

[Robian]

... in response to Re: our story, posted by Peter Lee on Dec 30, 2003

Hi peter! im glad you shared your bestfriends experiences with the son.
Josh( Bob's son ) was very kind and respectful to me. We get along well and he's fond of calling me names. Like " poutster, pout master, jelly bean, etc. " Before they left Cebu last sept.06,2003. josh whispered something to me. He said " You got a yes vote from me  " it made me cry coz i really didnt expect he would say something as nice as that.
And also, Bob's all by himself at home since he already built a house for each of his children.
thanks for your post peter, i really appreciate it.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Hi peter!, posted by Robian on Dec 30, 2003

Yes many wish they were lucky like you.   Good luck and see you next year.

[greg]

... in response to Re: bear, if you dont mind, posted by Peter Lee on Dec 28, 2003

Your gonna need it once she arrive here. The Age problem isn't in her native country, but may happen once she's in America. My age difference with my Ex AW Pinay was only 16 yrs, she was knock out beautiful. I myself is into health fitness, body building..even through I look good for my age..people thought I was her Father, our age difference later became a Problem for her.. When we courted, her age was 28, mine 44.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Hi Pete!! Good Luck with Your Marriage, posted by greg on Dec 29, 2003

Well today we chatted and had the web cam and decided that we are both ugly.  So our chances to stay together is heightened LOL.

Yes, you are unfortunately right, but what can you do.  The options are not to have loved at all.  I did not plan on falling in love with such a young girl.  But it happened and I plan to make the most of it.  I plan to continue to post so you can follow the disaster that may befall me.  But I have hope coz it has been done before and I feel I may be able to pull this off for about 30 years.  I know the risks and I am a paratrooper so I’m jumping.  Not just any couple could pull this off but some have in the past so it can be done.  I know I will have plenty of help from PL.  Others in this town are doing it with similar age gaps and seem happy after 3 years of marriage.
Greg, you didn't say what happened, you left me hanging.  What was the end of the story and what can we learn from what happened?
We have chatted and talked about what will happen if she is called my daughter.  If they ask her if I am her dad?  She seems cool headed about and looked at it with a bit of humor.  I almost thought about retiring in the PI I know then the chances are better so that wouldn't happen.  
Any way thanks for the post and Merry New Year

[greg]

... in response to Re: Hi Pete!! Good Luck with Your Marria..., posted by Peter Lee on Dec 30, 2003

rode horses for a living part time. Anyway, People think that I'm much younger than my old age LOL. When I met my ex AW Pinay at her Mother's 3rd wedding..I lied about my age, said I was 34 instead of 44..she was 28. So later I told her the truth, thats when my "Age" became a Problem. Welcome to the Good USA..As You know, Americans make a Stink about AGE..Anyway, I feel that Americans gonna MESS with Your Wife's Head concerning Your huge age GAP. Happened to me...As I said..I look good for my age, but People was always asking Her if I was her Father. A funny thing is that She didn't Leave me, I left Her for My Son's Mother in RP. I count Bear and Honey as a Successful Story for those with Huge age GAPS. Bear did an Excellent Job preparing Honey for life in America..Maybe that is partly why their marriage is successful. To be Honest with You, I see red flags in your Posts concerning Your relationship..From following Bear past Posts concerning his relationship with Honey, I didn't find any red flags in their relationship. The only plm was with Honey's family circle concerning $$$$$$$$$

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Hi Pete, I used to be a Wrangler, posted by greg on Dec 31, 2003

Yes and a merry new year Greg, and from your post I see that I need to work on getting my wife more prepared to come here.  I have done what I could with my limited knowledge and read all the posts to get more ideas.  Any ideas or comments will be welcome, I can take the hard knocks if you gotem.  Red flags are always a problem coz I won't see them.   So any help would be appreciated I am learning as we go.    
My friends tell me even the ones happily married that the most financial risk you can take in your life is getting married LOL.  
It was encouraging to know that you left your former wife and not the other way round so the age gap wasn’t the problem.  I already get the looks when they hear 20 and I am 60.   You can see what they are thinking; they just don’t see how it could last in the Western perspective.  Yes I will get “is he your father?”  Thing or “is that your daughter?”  But my friends here in Daytona don’t run into that problem they are married 3 years he is 57 and she is 25 and he knew her when she was 19, she is from Mindanao also.   I have been watching them closely to see red flags.   But they have become good friends and some how Filipinas are immune to the social barriers of the age thing here in Daytona.  Maybe it is more of a tolerant place, they call this town the “The Red Neck Riviera” LOL    
It seems I have lots of time still to get ready and under these circumstances it may be a good idea to go back one more time and visit with her before she comes over if I can afford it.   I have in the past always dated younger women at least 15 to 20 year’s difference.  This time it is more serious coz it is double that and us being married but the commitment is there and like it was discussed on this board before this may be my last chance to marry a young virgin and make it work.   If it was not for living examples around me that show me it can be done I would have doubts.   What I have observed the Filipinas here have endured abuse from family members and lived with stepsons that had no respect.  Any one else would have given up.   I see also that although the culture is very tolerant as a whole they are all individuals that make decisions on their own.  But I will not really know until my wife  gets here and is settled down if all will work out.   Yes I trust her and I know she is very tolerant to hardships.   The  2200 mile motorcycle ride in the Visayas showed me that.  
I ask my wife if a few months ago why don’t you leave our motorcycle with your papa.  Oh no, papa has bad arthritis and bad knees and he can’t ride it.   So I ask how can he harvest the crop on the farm?   Well sometimes he gets up very early and he doesn’t do so well.    
My wife so far has no demand from her Family to ask for $$$$$.   I was surprised on the phone when I talked to her papa who is one year younger than me.   He is a farmer and had limited knowledge of English and spoke very humble and seemed very un-streetwise and polite in his actions and words.   He has 2 hectares of land he makes a living from and has supported 4 daughters and a wife.   So he is and still works hard harvesting and planting.   There is something very honest about the old way of farming and a clean way to make a living.   I know that money would be hard for him to come by even though they will always eat well.   Why do I go into all this?
Well I have to say my heart was softened by this situation.   Papa is to proud to ask for help.   The Aunt in Cebu is very well off and paid for my wife’s Collage. But she will only help in a limited way.   As is the custom they don’t ask for help but say poor papa he is in a sad situation.   The house must come down it is on the widening part of the highway.   He will have to get into lots of debt to build another house.   So at first I said “no way” and that was that no one bothered me any more on the subject.   But like acid it burned a hole in my head thinking of the situation.   I noticed the men on the board advised me not to do it but all the women said “do it”.  I reminded myself that my wife wanted a civil wedding to save money although I was ready to pay the expenses for a white wedding.   She insisted on just a simple civil wedding and it worried me for a while.  Maybe she had on her mind that in the future if help was asked it would be better to spend the money on family hardships?  I see now that this woman I married is very practical.   I remember when I wanted to buy her a gold necklace last Dec after our engagement.   She said no, but would it be ok to buy one for mama?   That way of thinking is for the family and I liked it.   So to me it was not that much money $1900 in increments of 500 Oct, 700 Nov and 700 Dec.  I added $100 for her expenses except for Christmas I added an additional $100.   It was sent to my ATM and she withdrew it $400 at a time.   As of now there is still $500 in her ATM from 1st Dec she has not withdrawn yet.   She takes it out as she needs it for material for the house.   Carpenters get paid by the day and if it rains they get paid if you start them and don’t do a day’s work coz of the rain.  I got to the point of saying what the heck just do it and see what happens.   I feel justified to never have to help them again if I want.   If more money is suggested papa will have to take care of the rest himself but the bulk of the burden is lifted from him.   I also figured out that it is not to my best interest to see papa get into any situations that he can’t help himself.   So I did go against most the member’s recommendations by helping to pay for the new house but I sleep better at night.   I also went against most members recommendations by telling my wife after I had helped them that now I did not have enough money to visit her as planned in February.   She was upset about that but I explained to her that how would we feel seeing each other knowing papa has no house and is in incredible debt to try to build another house with no help.   How could we enjoy my visit knowing the price of the ticket could pay a new house?   Well she agreed on that and sad to say it was really true.  Because I am doing so much at the same time building 2 apartments paying the end of the year property taxes and paying back my Mother a partial loan that helped buy a new house, all this at once  got me into a jam.   I am digging myself out of debt a step at a time and I really look forward for the time she is not here to get out of debt.   I had 5 apartments not rented and now only 2 left to rent and just one more to build so things are looking up.  
I have to say Greg that by writing this down I am more aware of what I have done and share with the members to see if  what I am doing is salvageable.  .  
Because I don’t hold many personal secrets members are more likely to have constructive suggestions that can help me or show me the red flags.
The last 2 chats I had with my wife have been the best yet,  She is happy and cheerful and her mama is smiling which she rarely does.   Her wanting to get a job is in my opinion her frustrating way of trying to help and get away from a boring Bansarvil situation.   But a lot of things she says and does is testing me to see what I would suggest her to do.   Her last chat she said her mama told her to follow what I suggest as it will keep her out of hurt LOL
Peter Lee

[greg]

... in response to Re: Hi Pete, I used to be a Wrangler, posted by Peter Lee on Jan 1, 2004

to my Ex AW Pinay nor to anyone else for that matter(49, still single going on 50). God Bless

[Jeff S]

... in response to Hi Pete, I used to be a Wrangler, posted by greg on Dec 31, 2003

My wife is older than I and still people think I'm her father. She's not out chasing younger men though.

- Jeff

[greg]

... in response to That's OK, Greg, posted by Jeff S on Dec 31, 2003

Happy New Years. :O)

[Ray]

... in response to That's OK, Greg, posted by Jeff S on Dec 31, 2003

:-)

[Jay]

... in response to How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 28, 2003

Fantastic post Art,

I hear ya!!!

Did nobody else catch this post??

hardly, were better word's ever written on this board, COME ON people, Let's hear some feedeback!

Bear and Honey have already passed the "Jay" full of sh1t test. Not that they needed to. However, let's hear some comment's on a "from the heart" post. The Mf'er has finaly learned what it feels like to be loved. And Honey was the key, isn't that worth something???

PS- hey Art, my dad is dying out in katy, so I think I wiil be in Houston soon, So if you will allow, I will come with hat in hand to ask for Honey and your forgiveness.

God Bless,
Jay