Being married this time is so different.  I am so surprised how it escaped me in the first marriage but this time I actually know love and feel loved now.  That was something I never experienced before.  I know I harp on communication a lot but with me it made a difference.  Things will come up now and I can honestly say, "We discussed that" and recall some of the details.  Man has that stopped some "tampos".  Things I used to worry about that always left me insecure I can't even recall now because knowing I'm love keeps me from making those sad possibilities/concepts part of my 'it'.  The change in my married life has made my work life tremendously more successful.  It is amazing the differences from past jobs to where I work now.  I worked for major corporations before and got absolutely no respect and we were ranked in the top 5.  Now I work for a small family owned company and we are ranked #1 (do more business than the next 4 put together) and I am treated like the company guru.  That confidence has to come from my confidence being married to Honey.  She gives me so little to be concern about it did actually allow me to do my job better.

Her confidence is better too.  She still argues that,” by Filipino standards I'm ugly", but I can say, "but that’s such a small part of the world and no one believes that anywhere else".  Honestly fellas I can't look at her without knowing God made the beautiful creature just for me.  I fall in love all over every time I see her.  I tease her all the time and tell her (since she’s so much younger than me) that I was depressed with all my choices when I was in my early 20's that I put in an order to God and he made her for me - I just had to wait till my mid-40's to get delivery.  She gets along tremendously well with my mother and other family members (as opposed to the "ex").  My Mom is so proud when she tells me, "She calls me 'Mom'".  Neither my "ex" or any of my brother’s wives calls her that and "Mom' really likes it.

You hear people say that some try to live their lives through their children by seeing those things they experienced when they were young a second time through their children activities.  Which I admit I do too.  But I get a completely different point of view that is like icing on the cake with double fudge chocolate ice cream on the side.  I get to experience things again, in a more mature aspect, through my wife.  Things I forgot I ever experienced before.  Talk about feeling young again.  But this isn't solely because she's so much younger than me but because there's so much in America than she had no concept of and it’s a wonder to her when she becomes involved or has a chance to participate.

Gosh the parties and activities.  I say she experiences America but I experience the Filipinos too.  We have so many good friends now, people that want to be around us and do things with us (didn't experience that with the "ex" - she was virtually excluded from everyone’s list).  We have been to 7 parties through the Christmas season, missed 2 and still a few more days left!  One of our friends I talked to last night about a party said he wasn't coming because he was all partied out?  Sorry, but that’s a concept I can't understand.  I never laugh so hard and enjoy so much good food and company as I have at these parties in my whole life.  Seriously - I have been to more parties in the last 2 years than I have in my previous 40 plus years.

Not all has been uneventful.  We still have that "tampo" thing (I call it "a thousand questions").  What a stupid event.  Every single end to a tampo session has been easily explain or resolved without hardly any effort.  Not one has been life or marriage threatening but more a simple misunderstanding, minor lack of knowledge of the other or a language or culture difference that only needed detailing.  Another series of events is one or two busybodies who feel they can't possibly move on in the world unless they make snide, cruel remarks about others.  The fat girl who was our chaperone continues her maligning comments from 9000 miles away, Honey's poor mother hasn't learned yet to just tell her to shut up so we are always inundated with disparaging remarks said by this evil skunk and her whole family.  Happily Honey has started fighting back.  Other than that the family back home now has some respect and approval of Honey and treats her much better than the times after out marriage.  As for any such events occurring here - well yes.  One of our "previous" friends decided after Honey babysitted for her to make numerous derogatory comments about her.  Out-and-out lies!!  I am in shock because I thought this girl and Honey were going to be such good friends, as well as her husband and me.  Not anymore.  'The crowd' shunned her and from what I saw they only got invited to one of the many Christmas functions.  'The crowd' came to Honey's defense and showed her she really does have good friends now who won't accept others who would treat her so.

Back to the Lil' Bear.  Honey is a picture taking..aholic.  I do not think that a single day of the last 10 months plus that Honey hasn't taken 10 or more pictures of AJ.  Entering them in all kinds of contests too.  Unfortunately we lost but out of nowhere we were asked if some of our pictures could be used in a new book.  I was skeptical but hey they paid us so I guess, sure, why not!?  The little guy doesn't stop moving either.  I never felt my other children move in their mommies belly but AJ was moving every time I touched Honey's.  Now that he's out he is living up to that example.  Finally getting to be more acceptable to others holding him.  I was shocked on Christmas when his older brother picked him up and he cried when he put him down-that was an unexpected surprise.  I am simply amazed at the comments we get.  Strangers come up to us and tell us how cute he is!?  I really believe that Amer-asian kids are gorgeous comment now-its true.

It is not understandable that we stereotype cultures and make wide class defining statements.  They just can't be true.  But yet I sit her writing this and say and believe that Filipinas make the best wives and Filipinos as a culture are truly good people and friends no matter how many negative comments they get.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

Bear Honey and Lil' Bear

I think all women have a problem with compliments, not just Filipinas but you still have to and you had better mean it too.  

Her/our picture is posted on Jeff S's Asian Sweetie site.

I married my "ex" on the rebound from my first dying in an auto accident.  She was attractive (at that point of her life), but quickly "fattened up" and decided all chores were beneath her.  She was pretty much one of the girls who decided that the best of everything belonged to her and the worst of life was mine (and all the implications that go with that.)

I don't need help putting on the weight but I do enjoy going to those parties.  Honestly you just can't help laughing.

You'll know when you get tampo.  She won't talk even to tell you what the problem is.  That’s what makes it such a problem because you can't resolve it without knowing what occurred.  An example was once she had tampo at me for raising my eyebrows at her?  I didn't even know I had done it much less know what I had done.

The part about people making comments about the baby is just odd to me.  I happen to think all babies are cute, period.  But having so many make comments about it is what's so surprising.  I see a cute kid I just smile and go on but people will actually come up and tell us which blows me away.  I had not experienced that before.

When I say they make the best wives I am serious because I know so many now and all I can compare to is the AW's I've seen and there is just no comparison - Filipinas win out big.

The lies are really childish.  They were things that were literally said to belittle and degrade Honey's status to hers.  Things like how much she was paid as to what she was actually paid and the way she treated her child as compared to our own, etc.  The Filipinas' way of apologizing was to tell me she missed taking care of her pigs and goats and is homesick.  She said nothing to Honey or recanted any of the rumors that she started.  Since she had done this to others in the past she was ignored when invitations went out to the parties.  I really feel sorry for her because her husband just went to Iraq to work and it left her and her daughter very alone for the holidays.

I have had Filipinas including my wife wonder why we looked there (in the Philippines) rather than AW's here.  I tell the truth - Filipinas are prettier and make better wives.  Of course most Filipinas think that AW's are prettier? so they are skeptical.

I didn't take anything you said in a bad way?  I am not easy to aggravate - I had years of my "ex" so you aren't even in the competition.

Bear Honey & Lil' Bear

Your comeback showed real class and nice info for me thanks.   I see that you knew I didn't mean anything in a bad way and I didn't.  It was really the most sincere letter I have read in a long time.  Like I said an inspiration to all of us.   About the babies, well coz I work with them each day when they are 5 and up I enjoy em more.  Still have to wash my hands though they get sticky hehehehe Thanks for filling in the details.  I don't have your experience yet with a live in wife, but I chatted with my wife tonight and she was on the web cam.  She was so happy and full of smiles and good humor.  I was depressed coz I couldn't get her on line for almost a week.  The rain and brown outs closed the email cafes a few times when she got there.  It is hard not to be able to pick up a phone and not be able to talk to her anytime I want.  She has to travel almost an hour to get to a cell phone coverage area.  But finally seeing her and being able to talk to her on the phone made up for it.  So I got into a better mood after that.   Still in the background I hear the Mosques chanting and wonder if I will ever be able to visit her home?  She had that problem with compliments again but I like to do it anyway like you said it should be done anyway if it is from the heart.  Sorry to hear of your previous spouse fatal accident.  But I had been lucky with previous gf.  All were very good and were good wife material.  I was not ready for them and many times I can kick myself for letting any of them go.  I was not ready then and now they are all married and send me post cards of their kids.  Most of my previous gf still contact me as we parted friends.  
I talked to Maricel about "Tempo" I didn't call it that I described it as the "silent treatment".  She promised me she would not do that to me and said she would talk it out if we had a problem.   So the whole time I have known her she never used it.  We will see when she gets here if she keeps her promise.
Merry New Year

Steveb