... in response to Money Issues and Filipinas, posted by Mita on Oct 9, 2003

I am German and I helped support my Grandmother till she died in Germany.   When she came here to visit I bought her new teeth knowing she didn't have much time to live.  We tried to get her to stay here but she wanted to die in her beloved country surrounded with the few friends she had.   My mother is very stable financially and doesn't need my help.  There has been times when she has helped me with lending me down payments for a house.  She knows I or my sister would take care of her when ever she asks.  
Maybe coz we are from the old country but that is the way I was raised.
It really breaks my heart to stand by and not help my wife's parents on the farm with the lose of their house right now.  
I will wait till February and see for myself after the house is built and the debit is signed of how the best way I can help.  
Because of my complex business dealings it would not be the wisest thing to let my inexperienced wife on the business checking account.  Unfortunately the personal bills are all mixed in with the business.  Trust in my wife is one thing, trust in her experience is another.  
I believe that experience has to be earned in time.
I told my wife I would not help her parents at this time, she has not mentioned the incident since unless I bring it up.  She understands that we have our problems come first.  I offered to give my round trip plane ticket money towards the house.  She said she would rather see me here in February than use the money for her parents house.  If she would have decided other wise I would have a totally different attitude towards her now.  
I know it is not what you believe but that is how I feel..  Once married my wife and I come first, others come second.  In the long run her parents will benefit as I will help them in time.  
My $0.02

... in response to Money Issues and Filipinas, posted by Mita on Oct 9, 2003

Thank you Mita for helping me to understand more about Oriental culture. Good day!

... in response to Re: Money Issues and Filipinas, posted by Febtember on Oct 9, 2003

Feptember,
Even I would draw the line there.  Fortunately, none of my siblings in the Philippines have ever called us for monetary assistance.  I did send money to a sister whose husband is out of work when their little boy got sick.  
We do help each other out still...it's a difficult situation when you know a family member is going thru a hard time.  I say if you have the capacity to help out, you should.  It's not every person that has that capacity in the family.  Besides, I believe in karma - what you sow is what you reap; do unto others as you would have done unto you - it's just basic human kindness.
Mita

... in response to Re: Re: Money Issues and Filipinas, posted by Esiang on Oct 10, 2003

My family are very close and whatever problem arises in one family they must to share it to every one of the member. Yes, it happened to me... My brother sent me text on chikka and says he want me to call him, so I did call. He wants to borrow money and I just laugh when he said that on the phone. I couldn't believe because they are working in the government the wife and the husband, and I know how much they earned. But, before that I talked my sister in law and she said they are in a hard time for now because they also help some of my relatives back home who are really in need. And I also know that my brother can pay us back. So I talked to Ken and we agreed.

It is not bad if one of our families asked to borrow some amount if we know he/she is capable to pay back. And also we know who is in the family can’t pay. I don’t believed that if we are in PI and marry a Filipino and know that one of our family needs help and we just watch them because we know they are working in government and earn good money. Not me, my heart is big and can’t stand. But, so far none of them take advantage on Ken and me. And I have one sister said she will borrow money and I told her…. No we won’t, but instead we gave her because I know she can’t pay back. And I don’t want Ken and me to expect the payment. Nancy

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Money Issues and Filipin..., posted by Esiang on Oct 11, 2003


my family has a small business backhome  and  they asked me
that they wanted to venture  another business coz what they had  
at that moment s not doing well. Damn pautang the business s all
gone now. The people like to utang, pay  1/3 of the utang and
utang again until the capital's gone.  

Esiang, you are right that some people magkadaiya ang pa-guapa
kay sa kan-onon. Credit s here and there coz they wanted a new
clothes, new shoes. It's fiesta so we need to utang  para naay
igasto. Most of the time it's just jealousy, sena-sena.  Bahala na
magkandarapa sa utang basta kay naay ipasiksi, naay
ipanghinambog.  

I just remember, my friend told me that there are a lot of  Flips
(That's my shorcut)  who has cellfons, pagers and other electronic
devices tucked in there waistline and yet when they go home
there's nothing to eat.

Peaches

... in response to speaking of "pautang", posted by Peaches on Oct 11, 2003

"there are a lot of ... who has cellfons, pagers and other electronic devices tucked in there waistline and yet when they go home there's nothing to eat". How true!

But no problem. Now they can call Pizza Hut and they'll deliver (on credit)... :-)

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Money Issues and Filipinas, posted by Nanz on Oct 11, 2003


Thanks Nanz,

You can imagine how sad I feel knowing my wife's Daddy is losing their house with this highway expansion.   It is cause for suspicion because of the timing.  She ask me only once to help them and the only time she mentioned it again was when I asked about it.   I don't know her family and I have never seen their farm coz she lives in an unsafe mountain area in Kapatagan, Mindanao.  She always tries to save money when we go someplace, cheaper hotel or less expensive places to eat.  On our 2200 klm trip around the Visayas in our motorcycle she probably saved me more than $1000.  We saved a lot of money when she insisted on just having a civil ceremony instead of a church white wedding.  Now I said “no” to helping her Dad as he is borrowing 60,000 peso at 20% and using his land as collateral.  Every bone in my body wants to send her the money.  Reading the different ideas on this forum has made me stop and think about it.   Her Dad is doing what he has too when there is no outside help.  I don't think he expects any help.  I will discipline myself to hold off and wait till February and try to go there myself and without telling them help them then.  
I read your letter and see that there are times when help is needed.  I wouldn't want her Dad to pay me back but signing a note for collateral to me and their daughter rather than a stranger for 20% would take off a lot of hardship.  That way he keeps some self esteem by getting the money in an honest way.  If ever he can’t pay the payments in the future it could be forgotten or paid back indirectly by using his payments to buy him more cows or pigs or something.  
I am in the middle of paperwork to get Maricel to the US.
My idea is to do one thing at a time.  
Your letter tells me that there are times for tough love and wait or say no.  Am I on the right track?