It is enough to make you cry

[Peter Lee]

Well guys and gals,

I finally got to chat with my wife today.  She is still sick and I spent half of the chat time to see if she had a kidney infection coz along with back pain she has a fever.   She had that in Boracay when the bladder infection went to the kidneys.   Antibiotics cleared it up very fast within 48 hours.  I ask her if it was the same and she said the back pain was worse than when we were in Boracay.   I had left a few strong pain pills behind and she took some of them coz she was in so much back pain [Darvacet].  The doctor only comes to the place she goes for the email café every Friday from Iligan.  Her parent’s house will be torn down this month and little material can be used for the new house.  The old house had a concrete floor that can’t be moved, the roof was rusty and the walls can’t be used again.   I had to wrench this information from her with a crowbar.  They are selling the cow which they used to breed and make some side money.  On the phone a couple of days ago she said that they will sell a Caribou and what I can gather borrow the rest with a loan for 20% interest.  She did not know how much will be loaned.  I ask if the aunt would help and she said they have not talked to the aunt and they know she has her own problems.  The new house will be built soon coz the highway is coming and the old house will be torn down this month.  I have not been asked for money yet and at first it was puzzling.  I now feel that the parents may think it is not an option to ask me as they may feel it would jeopardize the relationship between me and their daughter.  Because she is sick she can’t go to Cebu and take money out of the ATM.  That is the 100 to 200 $ I said I would send her per month.  I feel she wants to save money by not going to the Doctor thinking she will get better by herself.  But with bladder and kidney infections they usually don’t get better by themselves.   I wonder what happened to your grandparents when that happened before antibiotics.  She is taking some juice from a tree for the infection?  So far the parents have not asking for help, their attitude is that every one has there own problems and they are acting as if to have the situation under control.  It seems like there in for a harder life getting into debt at their age.  I can’t help to feel how lucky I am having a chance to live in this country.  It is times like these that make my contribution of 20 years in the Army and Air-force justified.  
I feel like I want to help but not sure how just yet.  It may be a better idea to wait and let them do what they can by themselves; I can always cut in later if things get out of hand.  They still have 2 of her younger sisters to raise that are going to school, one 12 the other 15.  Maricel said she will chat again tomorrow but she says that and never makes her appointments.   It was my idea to send her to her parents to wait on paperwork.  Who was to know the house was going to be taken down.  I feel responsible coz I had drilled in her that I am not rich and to save as much money as she can.  Well it has backfired and now I am worried that she won’t use the money she has to see the doctor.   I have to say that chatting with her put tears to my eyes.   Right now it is a wait and see approach.  I have always expected to help her family; this forum prepared me for that.  Sending a little boost once in a while would be ok with me, I am sure most do it.  But I am not prepared for not being asked for help.   Her older sister is married and they do not own their own house.  I know they are not in any position to help the parents.  So I guess the parents do not expect any help from any one.  I am writing this forum coz maybe some of you have had some experience with this and can talk to me about it.  I have instructed her to go to Cebu and get the paperwork done as on the list I gave her.  Going there is the only way she can pick up the monthly allowance, so sooner or later she has to go.  Well I wanted an innocent country girl and I got one, a city girl would have been easier.  With the rewards comes problems, so far I have no regrets.  

peterlee7772000 (9:50:18 PM): Ok it is still early in the morning for you are you going to a doctor this morning
maricelbandiana (9:50:38 PM): nooooooooooooo
peterlee7772000 (9:50:47 PM): WHY?
maricelbandiana (9:52:01 PM): maybe tomorrow coz you know doctor is to set on time coz sometimes thy came from ILIGAN CITY and just visit here mostly Friday only
maricelbandiana (9:52:24 PM): but I gonna try peterlee7772000 (9:54:55 PM): If you can't get a doctor till fri that is to long to wait with bad kidneys
peterlee7772000 (9:55:41 PM): You don't understand how dangerous it is not to get antibiotics right away if it is the kidneys
maricelbandiana (9:55:44 PM): no it would be fine i gonna wait anyway i just sleep here
peterlee7772000 (9:56:09 PM): so you gonna sleep where?
maricelbandiana (9:56:50 PM): in our house coz the widening ,,,maybe next week ha ha h a
maricelbandiana (9:57:51 PM): coz they said if you have so many problem and even how hard it is...dont forget to smile and you well be fine and feel better ...right??
maricelbandiana (9:58:14 PM): so i did it always
peterlee7772000 (9:58:21 PM): honey i am confused coz i am so worried and you are sick not going to the doctor and your house is a problem and your laughing
peterlee7772000 (9:58:37 PM): well ok I understand
peterlee7772000 (9:59:02 PM): I will trust you will do the right thing with the doctor
maricelbandiana (9:59:25 PM): well yes,,,,, i know and thankssssss
peterlee7772000 (9:59:31 PM): tell me about your parents problem with da house
maricelbandiana (10:00:45 PM): well as what ive heard what they plan,,,they gonna sell there cow and owe money\
maricelbandiana (10:00:56 PM): thats what i know
peterlee7772000 (10:01:17 PM): Did the cow give milk
maricelbandiana (10:01:40 PM): coz thy widening is these month coz its starting in the other place
maricelbandiana (10:02:07 PM): or town
maricelbandiana (10:02:31 PM): nnnnnnnnooooooooooo
peterlee7772000 (10:02:45 PM): so what did you use the cow for?
peterlee7772000 (10:03:37 PM): did it do work like the caribou
maricelbandiana (10:03:54 PM): just to grow and give a baby
maricelbandiana (10:03:58 PM): no
maricelbandiana (10:04:08 PM): it wont dso like the CARABAO can
peterlee7772000 (10:04:28 PM): ok so to make money with a calf
maricelbandiana (10:04:45 PM): coz CARABAO use to plow a land but the cow noo...
peterlee7772000 (10:04:46 PM): I am sorry honey i know so little of those things on your farm
maricelbandiana (10:04:51 PM): yessssssssssss
peterlee7772000 (10:05:51 PM): i wish we would have talked more of these things before now i feel so stupid about not knowing about your farm
maricelbandiana (10:12:01 PM): well honey my father is working in the farm when he is ok....most of the time he awake at 4;30 in the morning and make a rice to eat and then my mother too wake at maybe 5;00 or 5;30 and then my father gonna go to a farm w/a food w/him to eat for a lunch he is always doing these things since before and then when he reach thre he gonna pastured the CARABAO and COW and then he gonna worked in the farmed coz we have corned and and othere plants there
peterlee7772000 (10:13:39 PM): How is this house moving going to affect him, can the house be taken down and the material used again for the new house?
maricelbandiana (10:13:53 PM): but then when he is feel bad he go there and not worked so hard you know what honey LIFE is not easy more here in the mountain i know you dont know what im talking about but life here is not so fine
peterlee7772000 (10:14:48 PM): k tell me more
maricelbandiana (10:15:13 PM): mostly no coz the floor is all concrete and the wall you cannot break and put it again in the other place
peterlee7772000 (10:15:32 PM): so what will happen honey?\
maricelbandiana (10:16:00 PM): and the roof maybe but not all of it coz the roof is already rust coz no paint
peterlee7772000 (10:16:11 PM): yes
maricelbandiana (10:16:27 PM): well they gonna build it knew too live too
peterlee7772000 (10:16:47 PM): how is selling the cow going help
maricelbandiana (10:17:45 PM): they gonna borrow money in a person who let lend his money w/ 20% percent interest
maricelbandiana (10:20:24 PM): i dont know as long us they gonna build the house coz they should do it quick coz there are coming to break the house
peterlee7772000 (10:20:48 PM): ok
peterlee7772000 (10:21:13 PM): are you better there or in Cebu honey?
maricelbandiana (10:21:34 PM): well its really a problem but nothing we can do its all there so we have to solve it
peterlee7772000 (10:22:45 PM): What does Aunt Lita say about all this?
maricelbandiana (10:24:04 PM): well i dont call aunt lita for 2 weeks i called one last time but not now
peterlee7772000 (10:24:46 PM): yes I know dear that is why I though it was good for you to wait in your Mom's place but now so many problems and you are so far from the email or phone
maricelbandiana (10:24:58 PM): well i dont what she would say but you know honey they have also there owned problem...
peterlee7772000 (10:25:11 PM): yes I know
maricelbandiana (10:25:25 PM): yes thats the problem
maricelbandiana (10:25:44 PM): we have all deferent problems
peterlee7772000 (10:25:59 PM): Well first you have to get well and not be sick
maricelbandiana (10:26:50 PM): but you cannot see an entire happiness w/out any problem and troubles i know that
peterlee7772000 (10:27:06 PM): yes
maricelbandiana (10:27:21 PM): right???
peterlee7772000 (10:27:30 PM): right honey
maricelbandiana (10:27:52 PM): so be safe there and be happy honey always coz i love you so muchhh
maricelbandiana (10:36:04 PM): and hope and faith is always there that one day you well come back in me again and it make me feel ok and i know you love me and i love you so much and that senough

[Peaches]

... in response to It is enough to make you cry, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 6, 2003


Yes, let her drink lots and lots of water. A lot of people are having UTI  because of
not drinking fluid until it worsen and infect other parts of the body  specially bladder
and kidney  . Lots of people also don't like to drink water. It's very important.

peaches

[Peter Lee]

... in response to water, posted by Peaches on Oct 6, 2003

Thanks Peaches, I will tell her to drink more water.  I wish she would listen to me sometimes, she has a hard head and this time she needs to listen and take antibiotics.  But you know years ago when there was no antibiotics people didn't die from kidney infections did they?

[Humabdos]

... in response to Re: water, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 6, 2003

I'm not sure if she can find it but it's the best cure for bladder infection.
Hum

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Cranberry juice, posted by Humabdos on Oct 6, 2003

Well Hum thanks for your concern, I didn't see any cranberry juice there except in the expensive mall supermarkets.  I know when I drink coconut milk I have to pee every 5 minutes.  I believe it is better than cranberry juice coz in the bottle you buy, it is mostly sugar and called cranberry drink.  If her symptoms are correct it is past the bladder and infected the kidneys.  This could be dangerous and harder to cure.  When I had it I had a fever with it like she has and my back ache was unbearable.  I know she is smart enough to seek a doctor if it gets real bad.  It will get worse if she doesn't get antibiotics.  But all this is speculation, all is wait and see.

[Febtember]

... in response to It is enough to make you cry, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 6, 2003

Hey Peter,
About Maricel being sick let's hope she never exaggerate it being really sick.If I chat with you I can just easily tell that Oh I'm sick or  even talking to the phone she can still act like really sick.Remember filipina sometimes can be really dramatic.She can got to local doctor in her town becuase every town in philippines have local doctor and never cost her any to go there.I'm sure the doctor will do some test on her then give her prescription.Maybe part of it why she is sick because she's over stress thingkin the whole things happen.raquel

[outwest77]

... in response to Re: she can go to local doctor in her to..., posted by Febtember on Oct 6, 2003

LOL Febtermber you just describe my gf exactly, haha
i noticed many dramatic filipinas when i am there

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: she can go to local doctor in her to..., posted by Febtember on Oct 6, 2003

Hello Raquel,
I see you’re on yahoo chat a few times but you looked busy.  Yes your right I should be careful but these small towns get a doctor from Iligan once a week.  It sounds like she is in the mountains, there is no cell phone coverage there.  So the doctor comes this Friday, I hope she sees him.  She says it is hard to straighten up and the pain is above the hip in the back.  She says she has a temp. That indicates a kidney infection.  Of course she could be making it worse than it is but for what reason?   She has not ask me for money and the money she can get in the ATM she is not getting coz she is sick?   The first thing comes to my mind was get her to a doctor.  The second thing was it a coincidence being sick and house problems.  I talked to her sister one on one when she was on the phone at her house and ask her how sick she was.  The sister seemed to think she would be ok.  So if it is exaggeration it is not helping her get money.  It is getting her a lot of attention and after all she is not fully mature yet being 20 years old so it is hard to tell.  Well I will wait this one out and see how it develops.  It is too early to tell just yet.  If I find out it is all true then I could always get her dad out of debt at a later time.  Being in debt at 57 at 20% is close to slavery.  I am sure they sign their land over as collateral for the loan.  Right now I don't know how much the loan is for or anything.  I want to help and I agree with you I need to check it all out with out getting anyone upset.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: she can go to local doctor in he..., posted by Peter Lee on Oct 6, 2003

Peter,

Like Harold, you’re making me nuts too! I’m listening to all this crap about kidney infections, cell phones out of coverage area, ATM cards that don’t work, Cinderella, etc., and I’m thinking to myself: how old is this guy, 60? Excuse me for saying so, but I thought that you should have figured all this stuff out by now.

Take the ATM card. You say it won’t work in her area, so you expect her to travel all the way to Cebu just to make a withdrawal. WHAT? Do you realize how much trouble it is and how much it costs to travel all the way to Cebu just to use an ATM card? THINK MAN! Can’t you come up with a simple solution to this problem? Here, I’ll give you some hints. Is there only one bank in your town that issues ATM cards? Does another bank have a card that will work in her area? How much does Western Union charge to transfer funds? Is it less than the cost of traveling round-trip to Cebu? It certainly must be a lot more convenient for her! Have you thought of using PNB or another remittance company? They can deliver cash to her door for a very reasonable fee. Try to make it a little easier on your wife!

About the house thing. I agree with your idea to wait and let them figure it out on their own. It sounds like her dad has a plan, so let him give it a shot. Like you said, you can always help pay off the loan later if you decide to. If you fund this new house up front, it may just end up costing 10 times as much.

Peter, you are married now. You are no longer weeding out prospective mates. You already made the decision to marry her and trust her, so why do you sound like you need to verify EVERYTHING she tells you? Either you believe her or you don’t. It’s too late to decide if you can trust her. She is your wife now so stop treating her like a little girl or she will never grow up. Send her a decent allowance and let her make some decisions on how to spend it. And tell her to see a doctor today, or at least go to the local pharmacy and buy some antibiotics!

Welcome to married life Peter! :-)

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Me Too!, posted by Ray on Oct 7, 2003

About the house thing. I agree with your idea to wait and let them figure it out on their own. It sounds like her dad has a plan, so let him give it a shot. Like you said, you can always help pay off the loan later if you decide to. If you fund this new house up front, it may just end up costing 10 times as much.
Thanks Ray it sounds like a voice of reason.
Peter, you are married now. You are no longer weeding out prospective mates. You already made the decision to marry her and trust her, so why do you sound like you need to verify EVERYTHING she tells you?

Talk to Febtember about that Ray LOL
She is like me trust but varify

Ahhh finally a voice of reason but !
Give me a break Ray, and I don’t want you to go nuts LOL

All this crapola is the real thing.  It is theory meets reality time and I am asking some advice and opinions on if I am on the right track doing what I am doing.  Ya I am 60 Dec and have been around the world a few times.  

Yes I knew she would be out of cell coverage area.  I mentioned it so readers could understand the problems.   I did not want to leave her with her Aunt against her wishes;  she is after all as you say, my wife.  The Cinderella analogy reminds many Filipinas of similar situations they can connect with.   I thought it was a good  analogy?  

We had no idea the ATM would not work till we tried it.  Being almost 60 years old I took it one step at a time.   I was expecting it to work in Ozamis as in Cebu.  As instructed she tried her home town then Ozamis, we were very disappointed that it did not work.  

In an emergency we knew for sure it worked in Cebu.  She still has money left over from when I left her in September.  I had planned to have her do the list of things you suggested and at the same time use the ATM in Cebu.  
So that was my simple solution to kill two birds with one stone.   The trip to Cebu is very cheap around 350 peso with the ferry plus food and jeepneys.  

Yes some of us get kidney infections and some don’t, to us as a married couple it is not crap.  What do you do when your on the phone with your wife and she tells you of symptoms that resemble a kidney infection?   I spent most of the time on the chat explaining to her what she might have.   When I was 20 I had no idea what a kidney infection was.  She decribed back pain that was hard to stand up strait, temp was up, and feeling tired.  Once the infection goes to the kidney the burning in the bladder stops and you think your ok.  But all the important paperwork and ATM access had to be put to the side till that problem was resolved.   A few Filipinas on this board understood that.  
Excuse me for saying so, but I thought that you should have figured all this stuff out by now.
Figured what out by now Ray?  That the ATM didn’t work?  That she would get sick?   But I know when you cut me down your getting ready to help me it is just your way LOL.  
If she is going to get sick I thought it would be better to be sick at home with her Parents.   I think it was the lesser of the evils.  
Does another bank have a card that will work in her area?  
I don’t know the ATM idea was from this board and it was a good idea while it worked in Cebu.  
It is a debit card from a separate savings account and the only money that can be withdrawn is what I put in it by 1st Union Bank.
It cost me $35 to send the ATM card to her using FED EX last Dec it took 5 working days .  If I do that again it would not be cost effective and no guarantee that it would work.  I am limited with the choice of local banks here in Daytona.  As you well know to get an ATM card you have to have an account with a minimum balance.  If I remember right they mail the card to your home after you choose your PIN number and there is a monthly charge and no way of me knowing if it would work in Ozamis.  
How much does Western Union charge to transfer funds?
Western Union as you know is a big rip off.   About $15 to $20 for each $100 sent, this is totally unacceptable.  If she does the paper work along with the ATM  while in Cebu the trip would be well worth it.  
PNB??   I am not familiar with that company Ray.
What is a reasonable fee?   The ATM charges me $5 per month.  Although it might be possible I can’t imagine cash delivery to her door in the mountains.  I would expect her to pick it up in a branch office like Western Union.  Well Ray, there is no simple solutions to the problems.  But I have the problems no one else, I have to deal with it, no one else.   I have done the obvious and now I have to take the next step and research what bank I can use here in Daytona Beach.  I tried City Bank but the branch is in Miami 250 miles away.  It was suppose to be connected to the Metro Bank but it didn’t work either.   After 5 or more days and $35  she will receive the Fed Ex in the mountains and drive to Ozamis to see if it works.  If it don’t what then?   Do it again?
My solution was simple, wait, go to Cebu to finish the paperwork, withdraw the allowance from the ATM while there and go home again.  One thing she has plenty of right now is time.   I will talk her into staying in Cebu once there, she likes Cebu but to her expensive.  

She last complained she was getting bored LOL well now she has a quest for the holy NSO and ATM.  There is no easy way for her right now, she chose to go to Mindanao coz she didn’t want to be with her Aunt.  Maybe now she will change her mind!

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Me Too!, posted by Peter Lee on Oct 9, 2003

Peter,

Sooner or later, you are going to have to start trusting your wife instead of treating her like your teenage daughter.

If you have her check the local ATM machines and see which networks they use (look for logo), you can get a card that uses the same network (simple).

PNB Remittance will send cash to her door for $14. If she had a PNB Bank account, it costs $7 to transfer to her account. PNB has ATM cards also.

Why do you have to pay FedEx rates to send an ATM card? Mail it and when she receives it, then tell her the PIN. The card is worthless without a PIN. (simple)

If you don’t want your wife to live like Cinderella with her aunt, then tell her to rent a room or apartment (simple). Don’t be so cheap! You make it sound like it isn’t an option for her to live in Cebu because she doesn’t want to live with her aunt(?).

My whole point was that you tend to make everything sound so complicated when you don’t have to. K.I.S.S.

Ray

[don2222]

... in response to Me Too!, posted by Ray on Oct 7, 2003

[This message has been edited by don2222]

There are thousands of Western Union offices in the Phils.
Here are the ones in Kapatagan,  you can just use the locator at the western union web site

Western Union Agent locations/Addresses  Phone Numbers

KAPATAGAN VALLEY RURAL BANK
POBLACION
KAPATAGAN , LANAO DEL NORTE  9214
(63 ) (63 ) 3822136    

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M.LHUILLIER PAWNSHOPS
PUBLIC MARKET
KAPATAGAN , LANAO DEL NORTE  9214
(63 ) (63 ) 3828097    

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Antibiotics are available in the Phils  WITHOUT a prescription. You just write down what you want on a piece of paper, and they give it to you. The only time I have ever needed a prescription is when I asked for Codeine for a cough.

Don

[don2222]

... in response to Western Union in Kapatagan  !!!   and an..., posted by don2222 on Oct 7, 2003

I did a google search, and apparently the following banks have ATM's in Ozamis !!

Equitable
China Bank
Metrobank
UCPB
PBI
Philippine National Bank

[don2222]

... in response to ATM"S in Ozamis !!!, posted by don2222 on Oct 7, 2003

fnjw

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Re: she can go to local doctor in he..., posted by Peter Lee on Oct 6, 2003

This girl is sick- probably with an infection, in the tropics! And you're all worried about some elaborate conspiracy to scam a few bucks from a Kano- and no one has asked him for any money, haven't even spent what he has given. There is a city of 300 thousand people 60 klicks away with doctors and ATMs and everything. Infections can do permanent damage. Sheesh!

By the way, here's from a Filipina in Iligan:

des382002: yes I am here
des382002: why?
halcwalker: Sorry. I am reading a post from a guy whose wife is about 60k southeast of Iligan right now. He is upset because she is sick and her family is about to lose their house.
des382002: why her family lose her?
des382002: how old the guy and his wife?
halcwalker: The guy is 60, she is 20. Her family will lose their house because it is close to the road and the road is being made wider.
des382002: I see
des382002: if that case
des382002: the government will pay them and relocate of place