In the past year I have spent 8 months in the Philippines.    I love the country very much, and I think the people and the culture are wonderful.   But,  a very big problem that I saw in all parts of the Philippines- the big cities as well as the small cities, is that many times foreigners are viewed as easy targets.   Many Filipinos feel that foreigners can and will give money, and expect absolutely nothing in return.
Many of my fiances neighbors and co-workers would ask how much money I was giving to her, and would then encourage her to lie to me for me to give her more money.  In the big cities and in the provinces it is common knowledge that many foreigners are giving money, buying houses, cars and more for filipinas and her families.   The attitude is that every foreigner is a millionaire that can easily give much money, and no consideration is ever given as to whether the man can afford to give away money.   Filipinas are encouraged to lie about medical bills, stolen property, and more in their quest to receive more money.   Filipinas are raised to believe that they are wholly responsible for for the financial well being of aging parents, and a tremendous pressure is placed upon the daughters to send money to the parents.  
I do not blame the many Filipinos that view foreigners as meal tickets.  I blame the foreigners.
Money easily obtained is not respected, and the source of the money is always viewed as limitless.
Too many men send far too much money to the Philippines.   Some men view it as a way to play the "knight in shining armor", and think they will be loved and respected for throwing money around.  Some men see the Philippines as a kind of "Wal-Mart of trophy brides", and think they can buy a young, beautiful bride on the cheap.  Some men see the poverty of the Philippines, and try to buy their way out of the guilt that they feel they when they think of how much they have, and how little the Filipinos have.
The problem with all of this is that Filipinos love to gossip.  Every Filipino knows exactly how much money every other Filipino is receiving, and they try to receive more.
I have visited small villages at the top of mountains, the people have no electricity, running water, or telephones, but they all know of Filipinas that have married foreigners.   These people talk about the houses the foreigner bought for the Filipina, and the money that is sent every month.
Again, I do not blame the Filipinos.  I blame the man that is sending so much money.  The men that send so much money are ruining it for the rest of us.   The girls are encouraged to ask for money.   The girls are encouraged to marry for money, and not love.  For the family it is like winning the lottery.
Do all Filipinas marry for money?   Of course not.   But the more money that is given by foreigners will only create more pressure on the women to ignore a man that they may love, and marry a foreigner to provide for her family.
While I was in the Philippines my fiance and I met many filipinas engaged or married to foreigners.  Almost all of the women would ask my fiance how much I was giving to her and her family because they wanted to compare.  It is not considered rude to talk about money in the Philippines, and it is a constant topic of conversation.  Fortunately my fiance would refuse to "compare" with the other filipinas.
The more time that I spent in the Philippines, the more disgusted I was with how easily and often I heard of men sending money.
The reason that I spent 8 months in the PI was to learn more about my fiance and her country and culture.
Many Filipinas do want to marry for love, and I have spent enough time with my fiance and her family to know that she is one of them.   I sat with my fiance as she explained to her family that America is a very expensive country in which to live, and that all we can afford to do is send a very small amount to her elderly mother every month.   All the family was happy that the mother would be helped a little, and none of them expressed an interest in money for themselves.
I think many men start off a relationship with a Filipina that has good intentions, but after the man starts giving away a lot of money, her family and friends will encourage her to marry for money, not love.
So please, let her love you for who you are, and not for how much money you have to give.

Don

... in response to Money changes everything....., posted by Carrisse on Mar 25, 2001

You have now gone to the top of my list of filipinas
on the board. you have my utmost respect.

... in response to Re: Money....., posted by Cecil on Mar 24, 2001

That sounds like a nice girl. Good story.

... in response to Money....., posted by don2222 on Mar 24, 2001

"Every Filipino knows exactly how much money every other Filipino is receiving, and they try to receive more" ??So EVERY filipina is out for nothing but mo' $$$$$

... in response to Money....., posted by don2222 on Mar 24, 2001

Don:

Good observations about Filipinos BUT you are talking about Filipinos in general (that's what i don't agree)

Not all americans are like Bill & Hillary, some are honest and noble. Not all blacks are like Jessie Jackson.

Good luck to you & Vilma.  It is good to hear from you.

Tess

... in response to Money....., posted by don2222 on Mar 24, 2001

Well said, Don, I admire your guts for telling it like it is. Hope things are well for you and Vilma.

Regards, Tim

... in response to Re: Re: Money....., posted by don2222 on Mar 24, 2001

Well, there are a few things we've done to ease her homesickness. Some of them may not be an option for you, but they seem to have worked for us. I'll itemize:

1. Set aside a monthly budget for phone calls to friends and family in HK.
2. Set aside a budget to fly her home to visit friends and family. The real trick to this is to get her Advance Parole from the INS. She went back in December 2000, and she's going back for two weeks next month.
3. Invite her friends and family to visit us. This is viable since HK Chinese can get US tourist visas. We had two of our HK friends visit us last November, when we went to Disneyworld for our honeymoon.
4. Make sure your TV gets the International Channel. Most advanced basic cable packages carry it. They have alot of Chinese and Tagalog-language programs. Wendy watches the evening news in Cantonese each weeknight on the I.C., and it helps some. Especially to hear the news of Hong Kong events.
5. Encourage her to get on the internet and bookmark  websites with news from the Phillipines and ethnic foods for sale. This is a big thrill for Wendy.
6. Find the ethnic food restaurants of her country and take her there as often as you can.
7. Find another American-Filipina couple living near you to do social things with. Of course, pick this couple with caution (you know what I mean, make sure the influences on Vilma will be good ones).
8. Give her ALOT of attention. I've found that Wendy suffers the worst homesickness spells when I am away at work. When I come home in the evenings, she is fine. I have found I can compensate a little for this by giving her alot of extra attention in the evenings, and especially on the weekends.

That's all I can think of for now.

Regards, Tim

... in response to Homesickness.......tess, posted by Stephen on Mar 24, 2001

Just trying to add a bit of corny humor.  When feeling down think of something funny or read something that might make you laugh.

I love and I hate this board.  This board can really put me in a bad mood sometimes.  Sometimes this board can give practical advice.  Sometimes it's a social outlet when people share their trip stories.

And sometimes this board can be a vehicle for laughter.  I've read posts that have made me choke with laughter.  That's one reason why I love this board.

One day at work, I read something on this board that cracked me up.  It was quite a challenge to not laugh, and I kept bursting out the first laugh, but caught myself.  tears came out of my eyes because I was trying so hard not to laugh.

Through this incident, I e-mailed Analyn.  Itold her about having to restrain my self from laughing. One of the next e-mail replies from her said something like, "It's good to know that these people are making you laugh.  It means that you're happy.  That you already fogot about your past problem."

- Kevin