Hey guys and gals,

You know that I have a bad hip and had it evaluated the other day by a specialists.  The doctor says they can fix it and I have to wait till Oct 13th for the special surgery for the sports related injury.  I can't tell you the pain and suffering I go to some days teaching Jiu Jitsu and the Kick Boxing.  X-Rays MRI with dye show 3 pebble like loose objects floating around the right hip and a torn labrum..  

When I courted her in Jan she knew from my limp that I had a hip problem.  Her Aunt asked me then about my hip and if I could still have babies.  I answered her with yes and I thought it was forgotten.  My problem is I tried to explain this to my fiancé and she comes back with "can you still make a baby with the bad hip?"  So I slowly step by step try to explain it to her and that it is has nothing to do with my ability to make babies.   When I said I can have sex with no problem she asked me not to talk like that.  So we got an hour on the chat and I take my time to explain it again.  Yes hon I can make babies with no problem.  After an exhausting chat I still feel she is not convinced and is worried about a future family.   Well I asked for it and now I got a certified virgin.   Has anyone had experience with explaining things to a Filipina virgin?  She is 19 and will be 20 in July and has 2 years of collage behind her.  She seems mature in other maters.  I believe I was the first man she kissed.  I believe it coz it was the worst kiss I can every remember.  Then I made the mistake about joking about this subject, hey when I get back I will show you I can do it heeheh, wrong thing to do but I joke a lot.  This was not funny to her and we are back to square one.  Now I felt this is a nightmare I can't believe this predicament.  On the other hand when we went to the mall back in Jan she was very open about being in that time of month her period.  This has got me stumped, I thought I knew her but this subject of sex  was like a taboo so I stayed away from it.  I wonder if Ann Landers has and answer for this one?  I know that some members of the board had related stories of having to teach their wives everything and they meant everything so I am in uncharted waters here.  When I chat with her again I want to clean the air about this once and for all without hurting her feelings on her lack of knowledge on this subject.  Any one got some ideas?  I will be waiting with trembling anticipation for any suggestions.
Peter Lee

... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003

Sorry no one has taken this topic very seriously.  The last time it was discussed I thought a lot of the info was pretty helpful.  

My experience was quite an eye opener too.  My wife was very willing to discuss her periods but the info she had was out of some strange corner of the world.  Luckily I was able to give her a few exanples of why her thinking and instruction of these points were incorrect.  Now she understands it and is better off healthwise and has been able to help some of the other girls.  As for sex, which covers everything from holding hands to getting it, this is considered your domain and she will expect instruction from you.  Mita is right, in the few months before marriage occurs all the women in the family will start telling her their fobias, few will offer anything to make sex more enjoyable.  I suggest that you tell her what you expect and want "right now" and be very up front about it.  If you wait till the fobiites spread their gossip/rumors you'll spend years recovering.  

Filinos think Kanos are very big comparitively to themselves and this caused alot of worry due to teasing that can occur.  Whether or not it true I don't know but that's one issue she needs to discuss with you.  Another might be the level and length of discomfort in the first weeks and again after long periods of separation and after childbirth.  Other than that I think if you assure her than you have every intention of seeing to it that she is as satisfied as you are then their won't be any major problems.  Even in the health class we were required to take the instructors pointed out many times "not to be afraid to experiment" and to be considerate of the others opinions.

Honestly when I found out that I was to be the one to "teach" her sex I was really taken back.  I strongly suggested that she talk with her mother (which only occured once after my suggestion).  When I said well what if I want "?" and "?", she responded with "OK".  I said, "But why?  She said, "You're my husband,  Why would you hurt me?"  It was at that point I realized what true trust in ones mate was.  She was right I didn't want to hurt her and discussed all sorts of thing to see what she felt comfortable with or wanted to try.  I also found later that she discussed it with other Kano's Filipinas (after we were married) and felt pretty much like they were all having similar experiences.

She expects a lot of guidance from you.

Bear and Honey

... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003

Hello Peter,
The other day you were concerned about a young Filipina with a child fathered by an American father stuck in the RP.  Now you have a 19 y/o virgin fiance that is concerned about your ability to have babies because of a bad hip.

Why do you teach or how could you teach kick boxing with a bad hip with the description that you gave?  I guess you just limp around the floor and then kick your legs all around.  How does your hip feel when you kick someone in sparing?  Absolutely impossible for you to teach this sport but okay to observe.

Your posts lack credibility and it appears that you are playing games with the board members.  There are many things in your posts that are very questionable.

But If we assume that what you are writing is true, then I can tell you that young Filipinas will often use the fact that someone is not able to have children as an excuse to say no to marriage.  She is young enough to be your great grand daughter.  Why would her family allow her to date you?

only my 2 cents
Good luck to you

Alvin1

... in response to Re: Get real!!  Quit the games, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 24, 2003

Peter,
You are correct, I have not followed your resposnes  closesly becasue I only visit the board occasionally since my wife is in the RP and I do it because it reminds me of the old congenial "Brides by Mail Board", which reminds me of when I was courting my wife.

If you are a Veteran, then you qualify for disability benefits if you are not receiving them already, esp if you were a paratrooper. You are describing arthritis along with internal derangement of the hip and you may eventually need a hip replacement.  This means that you need to live a conservative exercise life style to delay surgery as long as possible and reduce your level of pain.

Carl and Velma are board members.  Carl is 69 and Velma is 23 and they are happy according to the posts but this is the exception.  Your fiance's parents are 30 years apart in age but there is 40 years between you and this young lady.  As you get older, the age gap increases tremendously which is not well understood, ie,not in years but in physical and mental differences.  In 10 years, she will be 30y/o, more mature and independent.  If she truly loves you, then the relationship may survive.  At her age of 40 and your age of 80, her hormones will be hitting her hard and she will need more attention intimately, however at age 80, your hormones will be low and your vessels will be hard and minimally expandable or non-expandable, which reminds me of an old joke but I will not go there.

Good luck to you and take your time.

Alvin

... in response to Your Right, posted by greg on Apr 23, 2003

Sorry guys I respect this post and the help I have received too much to be playing games with the board.
And I want to thank those who helped me when I was going through some tough times.  It put reasoning back into my mind and let me know how far off center I was.
Any thing I have posted can be verified and checked if anyone cares to.  I have nothing to hide; my life is an open book.  
Maybe the misunderstanding is on the injured hip.  I can use it but with the cost of pain.   Grappling lets me be more active that the kicks and the Hupkido is easier than the grappling.  We have some submission wrestler winners here that do well in open competitions.  It is hard to explain on a post what and how I do the classes but I do the best I can and at the end of the day I lay down with suffering pain.  While in Cebu not training and relaxing was a true vacation coz it felt good not to have to kick for a while.  Bike ridding seems to bother the hip the least and it seems that I am not in as much pain as I was a year ago.  
I value my credibility on this board so if anyone questions something that I post I should be able to verify it in some way as it is all true.  I will be working on my web page to finish it soon but it is not ready yet.  

... in response to Get real!!  Quit the games, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 23, 2003

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HUM

... in response to Why her family allows it?, posted by Humabdos on Apr 23, 2003

So far so good, although the girl herself took money and since returned it all back, I have yet to see the family ask me for any money.  Perhaps it is to early yet 4 months maybe too soon.  

$$$$$$$$$???$$$$$$$$$$?$$$$$$$$$??

... in response to Hehe Pete, posted by greg on Apr 23, 2003

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Hey Greg,

As a nurse in the Philippines, my wife was constantly dealing with people's superstitions, old wive's tales, and misinformation. Some I found very hard to believe! People keep the faith healers and psychics busy. Their reputation even lures some Westerners.

Dave H.