Age Formula Calculation

[Ray]

... in response to You are part of the problem, posted by outwest77 on Apr 2, 2003

1. That’s not my formula.

2. I NEVER stated what age is “acceptable” or “appropriate” for you or anyone else.

3. I am NOT passing judgement on anybody.

4. I have NEVER said that you or anyone else should not marry someone because of the age difference.

5. I simply don’t care what age you or your partner is. That’s between you and your partner and nobody else.

6. If you have any doubt about my feelings on the age issue, then you haven’t been reading this forum for the past 4 years.

7. I think you should lighten up dude :-)

Ray

[outwest77]

... in response to Some clarifications, posted by Ray on Apr 2, 2003

[This message has been edited by outwest77]

"If you like to gamble on the long shots, then by all means go for it. Just don't forget to take all the factors into consideration, e.g., ....sexual function  etc. .....If your young wife wouldn’t mind picking up a box of diapers for junior and a box of depends for you at the same time, then what the hell... :-)"

Sounds to me like you are casting judgement, saying guys who go for age differences beyond the boundaries of the
"formula" are "gambling on long shots", that your "sexual function" would not be something to take lightly, (ya us 46 year old guys keep Viagra in business), Now that someone calls you on it, you deny you meant anything by it.

Where in your previous post did you say to each his own, and that its none of your business, i didnt get that impression from your post at all.

There are a few guys here who think hey, i have a wife who is 8 yrs younger than me so all you guys with 15 and 20 year age differences, god help you desperate cradle robbers. ...your post gave me the impression you fall into that category......if you are not one of those guys, my apology.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Some clarifications, posted by outwest77 on Apr 2, 2003

First, let me say that these are only my opinions as they relate to the subject of age differences. I have no intention of “judging” anyone at all. I am only expressing my personal opinions and your opinions may vary from mine. That doesn’t mean that my opinions are any more correct that yours or vice versa.

I believe that marriage is a gamble. The more you can do to stack the odds in your favor, the more chance that you will have a successful marriage. When there are a number of factors that would tend to lessen your odds of success, then that is what I mean by gambling on a long shot. IMO, a large age difference is something that has a potential to cause problems in a marriage and should not be taken lightly. Everyone has his or her own interpretation of what a “large” age difference is. Some people tend to use an arbitrary figure such as 10 years, 20 years, 30 years difference, etc. There is nothing really wrong with that, but I happen to believe that IF you are going to consider the size of the age difference as a factor in choosing a mate, then the relative ages of the partners should be considered also, along with the simple difference in ages. In other words, an age gap of x years should be considered more of a liability when the ages of the partners are relatively young than when they are older, hence my reference to the “formula”. It has a lot to do with the “generation gap”, relative maturity, and the “stage” of life that each partner is in (e.g., retirement stage).

You notice that I said “IF” you are going to consider age differences. Some folks repeatedly proclaim that “age doesn’t matter” and that is fine. I happen to disagree with that assumption and I think that age DOES matter and it is only wise to consider the potential ramifications of the age factor in future marital compatibility. For example, if the man is in his 70s or 80s and the woman is in her mid-forties, which many consider to be the “sexual prime” for most women, then it is only wise to consider whether or not you will be able to satisfy the sexual needs of your partner. Likewise, if you will have children, how old and how active will you be when your children are developing and they need the support and guidance of a father. Also, what will become of your wife and minor children if you should die of an age-related condition? Will they be provided for after you are gone? Does she have the necessary skills to support herself and your children on her own? Will she re-marry? These are just some of the factors that I think should be considered ahead of time. Again, if you and your potential mate have considered the age factors and are willing to accept them, then you will certainly get no argument from me if you decide to marry. Either way, it’s YOUR choice, not mine. If you choose to ignore age altogether, then that is your right.

I have never accused anyone here of being a “desperate cradle robber”. On the contrary, I have always stated that the ages of two partners are not my business and I have no personal interest in your marriage or your relative ages. I am not going to go back in the archives and pull out examples of statements that I have made in the past. If you doubt my sincerity and want to challenge me on that point, then it is up to you to dig through the archives and find your own evidence to the contrary. I don’t have to prove to you what I have said before because it is already a matter of record.

I only bring up the age issue because I believe that it is something to be seriously considered and not taken lightly. If you wish to debate the subject of age differences and how it might affect a marriage in the future, then I would be happy to participate. But please cease with the inflammatory rhetoric and accusations when you don’t even know my position.

Thank you,

Ray

[outwest77]

... in response to Re: Re: Some clarifications, posted by Ray on Apr 2, 2003

Ray, i appreciate your forthrightness, frankness, and
keeping the discussion on a civilized level,, even more so that i do.

Your points are well taken, i agree about the age is important issue also, taken to a different level dependent on each persons individual situation. My difference between me and my gf concerns me a bit, although not terribly, 20 yrs, however i find myself in a situation where every time i meet an older pinay late 20s early 30s, who is available, she is either separated with 2 or 3 kids, or a career woman i dont mesh with for other reasons. To each his or her own.

Regardless i think we agree on this point more than we disagree, i guess you were just being fascetious(sp) when you made the diaper comment, it was funny though.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Some clarifications, posted by outwest77 on Apr 2, 2003

I don't think we really disagree at all, when you get right down to it.

If you and your girl friend are O.K. with your age difference, then don't worry about it and don't let anybody beat you down because of it.

Though I believe that a very large age difference tends to decrease the odds of a successful marriage somewhat, I think there are much bigger issues that can decrease your odds significantly. For example, the guys who don’t take the time to learn anything about Filipino culture, the people and the language, are much more likely to have marital problems than the otherwise well-matched couple with a big age gap.

In your case, I admire your patience in taking the time to really understand your potential mate and your genuine interest in the Filipino culture. In your case, I think the age difference should not be an issue because you already put in the time and the work required.

Sorry if the diaper comment hit a nerve. Of course it was only a joke! :-)

So, have you met her parents and family yet?

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Age Formula, posted by Ray on Apr 1, 2003

Hey Ray,

"If your young wife wouldn’t mind picking up a box of diapers for junior and a box of depends for you at the same time, then what the hell..." Stop it! I just soiled another diaper. ))))))))))))

Dave H.

[outwest77]

... in response to Re: Age Formula, posted by Ray on Apr 1, 2003

Ya i am beginning to feel a need for depends, is 46 too young for me to feel that ?