Hey guys and gals,
I thought I could stop your disagreements for a bit by keeping you in good humor with my latest update.  Remember I am the one who is engaged to an almost 20 year old Filipina and I am 59 years young.
It is 85 more days till I get to see my sweetheart again.   She has graduated from school and is heading from Cebu to Kebawi in Mindanao.  We chatted on yahoo and the next day I called her and we talked for 45 minutes.  Then no word, no email for 4 days, I got worried and tried to call but the cell phone said out of coverage area.   She had told me ahead of time she was graduating and would be very busy.  I tried again to night and the phone rang, it was exciting to hear her voice again.   She was in Mindanao on a jeepney and just got off the ferry heading to Lanao and home.  She has 4 more hours with the jeepney and 5 hours with a motortricyle before she gets to her dad’s farm.  Once there she will be out of cell coverage and we won’t be able to talk unless we make a date for a certain time so she can email me or I can call her.   She said it takes 2 hours of riding to get to the closest email café from her house.  We laughed talked about the usual I miss you and love you stuff and were happy to communicate again.   She said that she mailed me a snail mail with pictures of her and her 3 sisters Mom and Dad.  I felt a genuine feeling of love and affection over the phone.   But I am in love and won’t see any red flags even if I try.  That is why I write this board, you guys don’t hold back anything and some of you have been raked through the coals.   I know I am taking a big risk but remember I was in Vietnam 2 years as a paratrooper risk was a day to day thing and a least no one is shooting at me this time.  I wonder sometimes if I did not meet this girl I would not be in this risk business.  Had I not met her I would have gone home and never experienced the feelings I have now.  I am surrounded by people and feel lonely without chatting or talking on the phone with her.  In other words I am in deep trouble and will not see warning signs.  After graduation she was to go to a 2 months seaman’s school to be qualified to work on a cruise ship.   Although the fee for the graduation school was about 3500 pesos per month this 2 months school was 48,000 pesos.   I ask her why it was so much and she said it included fire fighting and lifeboat rescue that the crew has to know to get the job.   We discussed it at length and it seemed a waste of money to do this if we were going to get married.   She agreed and was willing to work later if the immigration papers would take very long.  She was willing to add her payroll to the expenses of getting married.  I wondered about the high fees for this part of the course.  The school is Concord Technical Institute Cebu City and I seen it down town in Cebu.  It seems there is 5 months per semester and 5 semesters total.  The last phase, Phase III Shipboard Experience which is 2 months she did not complete because of the high tuition fees.  It sounds like they are raking these gals over the coals by not telling them till later that the last semester is so expensive.   When I asked her how she could have paid for this she said her uncle is a chief engineer and would front her money coz he knows she is a good girl and could get the job would pay it back from her paycheck.  I had used the ATM idea that you guys gave me and had $200 in the account to see what would happen.  Nothing happened and she withdrew money for school expenses and to get her passport.   Then I checked the bank statement and it showed that all the money was withdrawn right after her graduation.  When I asked her about it in the phone she told me that not all ATM machines accept my card and she was not sure if she could have access to the money once she left Cebu.  This sounded reasonable so I asked her how much she had left and I was told 6000 pesos.  She said the graduation had more expenses but she had received an honor medal of some kind because of her high grades.  This money was discussed to last her till the end of June till I get there.  Any excess money would be used for our wedding or honeymoon.  It was my idea through this board that I have a church wedding and not just a civil wedding as she suggested.   She did admit that she would prefer a church wedding but wanted to save me money.  She will ask her Mom and older sister to help put a wedding together for us in Cebu.  She said again that Lanao was not safe for me to have a wedding there.  
I want to say to the ones that read this that is very hard to write these things as I see them.  I have made public knowledge of my personal affairs which few people would do even on this board.  I know that there will be difference of opinions and I am ready for the worst.   I realize I have made mistakes in this relationship and need to know what direction to go now.   I will have to send money for the wedding sooner or later and I am still in an attitude of trust.  How should I handle this situation from here?
Thank you all.

Actually from my experience, it means something quite different.

From what I have observed over the years, “pilosopo” is a Tagalog slang word that is usually used to describe a person who overuses reason or tends to be very argumentative on a variety of subjects, like a smart-ass or pain-in-the-butt. I always thought the word was derived from and has a similar meaning to “philosopher”, but used more in a derogatory sense to describe a person who always “philosophizes” too much, if that makes any sense.

Maybe we could hear from some of the native Filipinos on the meaning of “pilosopo”?

Ray (pilosopo)

Bear and Honey

Your girl sounds like she just needs some guidance, i guess, and like the rest of the guys say, limits, the cultural diffference and distance makes this whole process very difficult.

Even though i am very much more cautious than some of the guys here, it does not mean i am necessarily happier. Heck, i think the guys who just go over for a week and get engaged, most of those guys seem to be very happy, so maybe i will have to finally decide to take the plunge like you have . thats the one thing i have not done, take that final leap, i admire you for that. I have spent so much time with my gf but not gotten engaged, I guess i am scared to death of the prospect.
Anyway, hope my comments were not out of line,

Best of luck to you and your New Wife.

I haven't had any such problems with my in-laws that Bear describes. It's easy to ass-u-me that ALL Filipino families will act in the same way, which is simply stereotyping.

Ray

If emergency occurs with my sisters that I could help but in a small way.

I am glad to hear your relationship is getting on the right foot.Maybe now you can give advise to newbies about establishing relationships instead of just warning about how terrible families are.

tito Matt