Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Frank2002 on Feb 5, 2003

Thanks for the quick reply.

    I am x military been to Thailand Japan Okinawa Korea Vietnam so I like Asian type women.  The age is a problem I am 59 she is 20 in March.  I am a Karate Instructor and keep in good shape and I am told I don't look my age.   I have my own school here in Florida for 25 years.   I teach the women's Tae Bo so I get 20 women in a class and get em in shape.   I ride my bike daily and eat healthy.   So I am not your average 59 year old.   I have never been married.  
    She is outgoing enough for me.   When I ask her what she wants to do she says it is up to me but would prefer to stay at home like her Mom.  She is not that familiar with Americans and doesn't seem to know if I am rich.   She saw me on my bike riding around town.  I rented a small house close to her and I lived like they did, so she didn't see too much of if I had money or not, she never asked.  Her Dad asks that if we get engaged I should help with getting her through school which is 3500pasos per month she will graduate in 6 months.   Her Aunt's husband is a chief engineer on a ship and gets above average pay for Philipinos.  I had to have the parents sign the permission notarized by an attorney for any future fiancé visa application.  She had to go home to Mindanao for permission for both parents.   Her dad says if she really loves me he will not stand in the way and give his blessing.  Her mom took the long trip to come see me and check me over.   The mom was worried at first but when she seen how much in love we were and that I was a responsible guy she agreed with the dad.   This family is very proud and I have to pull teeth to give them anything.  The bike I purchased I gave to the mom for her dad and she didn't want to take it at first but l got her to take it back to their farm in Mindanao.   I purchased a pair of shoes for dad.   The Aunt seems well off compared to most and she tries to get all the nephews and nieces to school as her house in Cebu is close to all the schools.
I am going slowly and this was all my idea to start with.   But because she is so young never been kissed etc.  She has fallen in love with me.  I am her first experience in a relationship.   Her dad only question to her was are you mature enough to handle a marriage and she said yes.  Don't forget her mother married at 16 so there is a history.   I was a little disappointed with her chat at yahoo or e mail in real life she is alive and open.  But on the computer she is very inexperienced.  This was to be expected her profile is not out there.   I have an exclusive courtship and it seems too good to be true.   Before I left I  found out from the other siblings that she has asked her mom for extra money for a test in school.   She would not ask me for the money, I tried to get it out of her but she refused to tell me and said she would handle it.   About getting to know her better I feel if I was with her for a year she would still be the same simple girl.   Don't forget I met over 8 girls while I was there and did the test on them that I read on your site.  One test was to go to the mall see if they want you to be Santa.   I can date women here with no problem back in the U.S.   But for some reason I can't get this one out of my mind.   We are e mailing each other every two days and I told her to have my letters printed out so she can show a history of our relationship for the interview if it ever gets that far.   I ask her about going to the U.S. and if she was happy if I retired and lived in the Philippines.   She seemed to like the idea of staying in the Philippines close to her family.
I don't have another trip planned yet.   I did talk to an immigration attorney on the phone he recommended that I go with her to the interview because of our age difference.  He said this would make a lot of difference.   I didn’t know you could do that, I thought you had to stay outside while they question her alone.   He said it would show that I am not so old that I require a nanny and that it is a legitimate marriage also it would show that I had enough interest to be there with her.   .  Parents were concerned about if I wanted to have kids I said yes and they were happy.  I don’t have a problem with that, it is accepted when movie stars do it.  If I go to meet her again for 4 weeks the courtship thing is a killer.   We hold hands and when we went to the movie the last day her mom went along.   4 weeks of dat would kill me, but I understood their position.  
    This is not easy showing my life and romance history public but I feel this is the one.  Which poses all the problems, yes I will do what you advise and plan on another visit in June or July.  I want to see the rainy season and visit her dad on the farm talk to him face to face.   What chance do I have when she goes for the interview?   This age difference is a real problem I know.   My fiancé visa will go through Texas which I am told is frozen right now.     On another note:   While I was in the American Console in Cebu I talked to a few Filipinas who were there for various reasons.   One told me that her husband is in the USA and comes to see her every 6 months 30 days at a time.   I didn’t want to break the news to her but it didn’t sound good to me.    So I will take your advice and go another time before anything else happens.   In this case do you recommend that I get an immigration attorney?   I think the paper work is designed to slow guys like me down and it works.    But if I process everything now it would probably take close to a year before she can come over any way.  If she passes the interview with the age difference thing, do you have any experience on that problem?   I know I am an unusual case that is why I will value your advice.    Looking forward to your next reply thanx.

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with que..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Hi Peter Lee,

Any relation to Bruce Lee? )))

I'm glad you had a great trip! I really enjoyed reading how you did things a little differently than most people (bought Mt. bike, rented nearby house, lived like a Filipino). But, you had me holding my breath when you wrote about the Aunt chatting for her 17 (supposedly 21) year-old daughter. I had visions of "Howard's 1st Adventure" running wild throughout my head. When she said "I got a good heart and I should have a good wife, she will help me find one" I just about passed out! You are a good catch and few families in the Philippines would want to lose you. Thanks for the additional info. I was happy to read that you had your eyes wide open and chose for yourself. You can find roses among the thorns if you are observant and know what to look for. You are wise to take your time to get to know each other better. Additional trips are a great idea for everyone. You are OK with having kids so that is one big issue down. The only other big thing is...can you listen to Britney Spears and N'Sync all day? LOL Patience!!! Don't waste your money on an immigration attorney. You will do most of the work anyway. There is plenty of information here and on other websites. Good Luck!

Dave H.

P.S. Your case is not so unusual. I know several other very happy Fil/Am couples with similar age differences. I see no problem with the interview. You should know each other well and have much relationship proof by then.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to A Public Life... ), posted by Dave H on Feb 6, 2003

Hi DaveH,
I don't have much choice to take my time to know each other the system takes care of that, i believe Texas is frozen since Oct of 2002, is that right?  So i am thinking instead of just dead time putting in paperwork and while i am waiting get to know each other.  Can phone cards give you proof that you called your fiance for the interview.  I will after reading your advice take another trip in June or July.  About the Britney Spears and N'Sync all day thing.  What do kids listen to here.  Rap and hard crapy stuff.  One of the attractions was everyone was locked into what we had in the 50's and 60's.  We have heart attacks here, there they have song attacks.  Some taxi driver or anyone just breaks into a song and knows all the words, I loved it.  Thanks on the advice about attorneys.

[Esiang]

... in response to Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with que..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Age difference is not a big problem in a deeply inlove committed people. As the saying goes Age doesn't matter....he..he...

About the age interview, it's really not a big deal as long as she can answer it sincerely after all Consulate people doesn't care about both of your age all they wanted to know is how real your relationship is. All I know they just asked personal questions between you and her.

Dont worry your not an unusual case in fact mostly Filipina's are married to half their age.

Good luck on your processing....

[Peter Lee]

... in response to age difference, posted by Esiang on Feb 6, 2003

Thanx for the advice,
When i called the attorney he said i should go into the interview with her and said that 40 year differance was unusual and i would get a tough interview.  So i would have to fly to the PI for the interview and fly back i was hoping that was not necessary but he seems to think so.  He said if i use his service he has the questions they ask in the interview.   Only for $1000 bucks what do you think?  I was told to worry and that i needed profesional help.

[SteveG]

... in response to Re: age difference, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

[This message has been edited by SteveG]

Peter,
 I went to my wife's interview(we got married in the Phils).   It seemed to melt the ice as soon as the interviewer saw me with her.  It shows you care enough to go and be with her rather than just "sending" for her like she IS a mail-order-bride.   There wasn't much to the interview actually.   The lady asked one of us, I can't remember who anymore(this was back in Aug 95), what the maiden name of the others mother was.   Which ever one of us it was, knew the answer.   How did we meet?   How long had we known each other?   Also, we took a very large bag of letters we had sent to each other which I'm sure helped but the interviewer didn't actually read any of them as I recall.  

 What it boils down to is that they can ask anything they want to in order to judge if you know each other as well as two people would if they are really in love.   If it is obvious that you do, then they won't bother you much - if they think something isn't right, they can grill you hard.  Like the others said, the best way to prepare for it is to jump in and have the fun of getting to know each other and the interview will take care of itself.

 Ray is exactly right about not using the lawyer.   There's no reaon why anybody who can read and is willing to do some research on the INS website can't do all this paperwork yourself.  Heck, I did it, so it can't be too hard!  LOL
                        SteveG

[Esiang]

... in response to Re: age difference, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Wow...that's a lot just for the Questions that they have???
yikes....
Just better ask these guys here who had gone for fiancee interview....

I used to researched before on the internet about the experiences of these women/men who had gone fiancee/espousal interview. All of them have different kind of questions depends on each cases, some may have similarities some dont have......
But in general it's really more on personal questions like How did you meet? What's his name? how long have you known each other? When was the last time he visited you? What's your fiancee occupation? Do you love him??What's his favorite pet/food /flowers ? etc...etc.....some are really deeper personal questions.......

This interview is not a big worry, all you need is yourself
for the processing and for goodness a thousand dollar bucks for their service...you could have a rt ticket to fly back to PI and get along with your lady....

I could say it's very rare for Filipina's married to a foreigner ten years older than her or below ten years.

40 years age gap shouldn't be any different at all for a usual fiancee interview.

About you being there at the interview, I think it would have been nice if your there to support your fiancee. Mostly are actually nervous but if your fiancee is confident enough to handle then that's ok.

From the researched I've had before some were quite ok together with their husbands/fiancee at the interview as they said it didn't turn out to be like an actual interview at all.

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: age difference, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

we can tell you the questions asked at the interview, many of us have been there.
I do agree with the part about you being there for the interview.  I was there for mine and my now ex-wifes interview, and things went much more smoothly.
Yep, I married a young hottie.  I am only 39, and the 14 year age difference was definitely a problem sometimes..
Do not believe the websites that try to tell you that a hard life makes the Filipinas mature faster, that is definitely not true.

Don

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Just ask us...., posted by donb2222 on Feb 6, 2003

Thanks Don,
How could i get more information on the questions asked in the interview?  And thanks for clearing up my confusion if I can be there with her for the interview. I agree about maturity they will all eventually act their age.  But some would handle it better than others.  I think this one seems to handle it pretty well.

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: Just ask us...., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

As Ray said, they will ask questions that anyone in a true relationship should be able to answer.  That is the whole point of the interview, to see if you guys actually know each other.
Okay, get on the phone and call your travel agent.
What is a little time and money spent now when you are choosing someone to share your life and have your children?
Any time and money spent travelling to the Phils is nothing compared to your future.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Just ask us...., posted by donb2222 on Feb 6, 2003

Hi,

I would like some of the sample questions from the interview. And about going back i was just there.   I will go again in June July.   The thought of holding hands for 3 more weeks makes it tough but i will do it.   I see now why so many just married there.  But i agree with your advice and thanks.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Just ask us...., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

... with hidden cameras in second interviews (the ones after being married for 2 years) showing some of the fraudulent marriages. The interviewer would ask the husband and wife (separately) things like: How many children do you have? What city do you live in? What does your spouse do for a living? Are your spouse's parents alive? etc. They not only got them wrong, but were so far off it made for a hilarious TV show. Husband - no kids, wife 3 kids. Husband - she's a computer programmer, wife - I'm a nurse...

In my 2nd interview, which lasted about one minute, the interviewer asked my wife to look in her purse, so she opened it for him. The first thing he pulled out was a reciept for two suits at Eagleson's big and tall men's store - not a real popular hang out for Japanese. That ended it right there since he'd met me and shook hands when she went in and I was wearing a suit. They didn't even bother talking to me.

There's no practicing (unlike the movie "Green Card" - funny, but not very life like) so as everyone suggested, it'd far better to concentrate on getting to know your sweetie and don't worry so much about the interview. If you know her, you'll do fine. Don't sweat it.

- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Re: age difference, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Peter,

I think it's a waste of money to pay some attorney $1,000. He doesn't know what the questions are in the interview and to claim that he does is pure horse crap.

You are going about this all wrong I think. Instead of trying to guess what questions they may ask in the interview, you should be working on building a solid relationship.

The main purpose of the interview is to determine if your relationship is bogus or not. Are you filing a fiancée visa petition only to help a young lady enter the U.S. and avoid the immigration laws? Any questions they ask are primarily aimed at determining how well you two know each other, what the young lady knows about you and your personal life, and why she wants to marry you. There are no standard questions. All she has to do in the interview is answer the questions truthfully. If they think that she is not being entirely honest, then you are going to have trouble getting it approved.

The attorney was correct however in that it may help for you to attend the interview. I think recent fiancée visa interviews have been running all of 3 minutes or so. Last year they didn't even do interviews for fiancées. Where she is more likely to run into some real tough questions is in her CFO seminar.

There, I just saved you a grand (LOL)

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Nonsense!, posted by Ray on Feb 6, 2003

Hey Ray,

You also saved me a grand or two several years ago with similar advice. I just want to THANK YOU one more time! I agree with everything you said!

Dave H.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Nonsense!, posted by Ray on Feb 6, 2003

Hey Ray!
Your my kinda guy, thanks for the savings and good advice.  This stuff was my gut intuition and you spelled it out for me.   Could you tell me more about her CFO seminar?