Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Frank2002 on Feb 6, 2003

Hi Frank,

I don't know where you got that information, but I would say that about 80% of it is dead wrong.

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Huh?, posted by Ray on Feb 6, 2003

Hi Ray could you please send me any corrections as it looks as though I may go back in a few months and marry her in her home.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Huh?, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 13, 2003

Peter,

Are you planning to have a simple civil wedding or a church wedding?

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Huh?, posted by Ray on Feb 14, 2003

I would like to see her in a white dress with family and friends.  She is going to see her cosine in March get married in a church.   Her sister was married 3 years ago in a church and she says it cost 250,000 pesos in Mindanao Lanao.   I hope it was exaggerated.  You got any idea what I should be paying for a modest white dress wedding in Cebu or her home town Lanao in Mindanao.  When I ask her, it is the old “as long as I am with you” and “it is up to you”.   You got any ideas on this? You know I am pretty new here and I could use the help.   So far getting married in July in PI and putting in for the K3 visa in Sep after the honeymoon sounds like the best I can agree with from you guys.   That way the interview when the time comes they might ask the question, “When did you meet your husband?  Was it the first time when you got married?”  She can show I was there courting her in Jan 03 for 20 days emailed called and chatted for 7 months and came back to marry her in front of family and friends.   It will be as legit as it gets except for the age factor 40years apart.  Meanwhile I will have some more time to see how the relationship develops.  So far so good!   But you know, if it looks to good to be true.   I am looking for red flags but 19 years old according to you guys is a red flag LOL.   Can’t see the forest for the trees scenario.  I am still willing to gamble on this one coz the rewards are worth it for me if it works out.

[Howard]

... in response to Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 5, 2003

Pete,

Nice Story After just coming back from Davao myself, I am well aware of the emotions you must be going through.  The people are very, VERY accomodating and every one has an interest in the visitor from a strange and distant land  The attention is addictive, even for someone like me who is quite used to the spotlight and attention.  (I am a Professional Musician  Personally, were I not there to meet someone I had gotten to know well for a year prior, I could have fallen in love several times and found myself in the same situation as you.

I feel compelled, as most others have, to let you know that you are in a very high risk group with your particular situation.  We have heard stories similar to yours before, you are not the first and probably won't be the last.  Sometimes these things work and sometimes they don't.  The speed at which you are moving is not nearly the concern to me as the age difference.  I know the intoxication of being a normal joe and having attractive young women seriously interested in me.  I have been there and it was a very pleasent distraction.  Anyone who says that they weren't flattered by the attention is either a much more down to Earth guy than I am, or a liar

I know more than one Filipina in her early 20's who married guys near twice their age who claim to be quite happy.  I believe them and they also happen to be excellent wives to their deliriously happy husbands, so I'm not gonna say it doesn't work because that would be untrue.  

What bothers me is the fact that you don't know her.  Everything is new and wonderful right now.  For you it may always be that way.  For her, the reality of the situation may drasticly change her attitude after the dust settles.  Now she is swept up in the Pocket Book Romance of your courtship.  It may well last through the entire K-1 process and into the marriage.  Don't think that Filipinas aren't competitive when it comes to a foreign suitor.  They are and it's a huge feather in her cap that you chose her. This is her designer wardrobe, her fancy sports car, her indestructable SUV...  YOU are what she her parents brag about to her friends parents.  This is the way it often is with a dreamy young girl.  I have seen it and speak from expirience.  The competition for your affection is fierce over there.  Something you may not be used to.  Something I definitely wasn't prepared for when I began.

Use your "cool head" and think it through.  Use your "cool head" and think about her.  Think about how she will fit into your life, because that's what it will be.  She leaves everything she knows behind and becomes part of your life.  Your friends will be the friends she has at first. How will she fit in with them?  What will she do while you're at work? How will she handle the time she has to spend without you?  It's inevitable, she will have to spend time apart from you.  This will be new for her, she's from a completely different family enviroment.  There are ALWAYS loved ones around.  Now she has only you.  Is she mature enough to handle that?  You get the idea, I could ask similar questions all day.

I am NOT trying to rain on your parade!  I would just advise that you take the time necessary to get to know her.  I mean really get to know her.  If everything works out, GREAT!!!  But, if you find things change with time, you might avoid a world or heartache for BOTH of you.  Unlike other realtionships you may have had, you are in complete control of this one.  Make wise decisions for BOTH of you

Keep the Faith!

H

[Esiang]

... in response to Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 5, 2003

Congratulations......
      for being in love......
but are you sure she's in love with you?....
      I agree with all these guys here......
just take your time to really get to know her more deeply and in that way you'll have more proofs to show of your relationship whether your going to apply for fiance or espousal visa.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Esiang on Feb 5, 2003

Take my time take my time ok the reason i seem in a hurry coz the darn process takes so long to begin with.   If i process the paper work now i will have 6 or most likely more months of getting to know her.  And from adice from this board have another visit for 4 weeks or so.   Meanwhile each day goes by something is happening.   I don't mind getting to know her more if i know that the time spent is also time closer to getting her fiance visa.  What say you?

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with que..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Hi Peter,
 You said "I don't mind getting to know her more if i know that the time spent is also time closer to getting her fiance visa"

Um, how about getting to know her more as a person, just to make sure that you two are compatible.  You have waited 59 years, why the big rush now?

It would really help for you to spend more time in the Phils.  The more you understand about her country and culture, the better you will understand her.

Don

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with..., posted by donb2222 on Feb 6, 2003

You are very right, i plan to visit again in July and hold hands in the mall for 21 days LOL

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with..., posted by donb2222 on Feb 6, 2003

Hey Don,

I couldn't agree with you more! Most of us here marry an almost complete stranger as far as time spent together. Next the women come to a strange foreign land, with an unfamilar culture. Then we spend a year or so of married life trying to get to know each other. Something most American and Western couples have done prior to marriage. Some of us get lucky and some don't. Extra time spent together and communicating can make all the difference in the world! It cuts down on the need for luck in determining if it is a good match. I used to be...itch about the long immigration times and Ray would remind me that it was for my own good...and now I know he was right!  

Dave H.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Time!, posted by Dave H on Feb 6, 2003

So now that i have decided to marry in the PI if i come back in late Aug and process the paperwork in Sep, what is a good projection time considering how slow things are going for the K3 visa?
I will feel very confident that when she goes to interview she will be over 20.  She can honestly say that we meet in Jan courted and married in July of 03, a total of 7 months.   We are chatting and e mailing and an occasional phone call [i use 101 5335 and they bill me at Souther Bell.  It is going better than i thought.   I have fedex her a atm card, the card has a separate savings account that i could put any ammount in.   It cost over $35 bucks to send it.   It will get there in less than 4 days.   I will have her withdraw $10 bucks to see if it works.   If that works ok i will put my whole life savings on the card and trust her to do the right thing.   Joke joke just kidding!!   But as one of you suggested tell her she can draw from it what she needs.  If she is a true filipina who is bent on marrying me i got a good feeling that she will take out just what she needs and no more.   Any way in order not to be charged that $5 monthly i have to keep $300 in the account.  Lets see what happens.  Thinking with the Big head in Daytona.  Thanks guys for the help

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with..., posted by donb2222 on Feb 6, 2003

Thanks Don,

I plan on going again in June or July but it will kill me to just hold hands and have a chaperon follow us to the movies.  I will have to buy another bike to ride to transfer that nerveous energy into seeing the rest of Cebu.  Hehehehe

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Esiang on Feb 5, 2003

So i have made up my mind to do it.  The system is set up so it takes a long time to do anything anyway.  It seems that i am in a hurry but to get the job done you have to do a lot of paper work and running around. Is she in love with me?   I am the first guy she has had a romance with so i would say i am in control right now and it is worth the risk to go on.  Ya more proofs to show our relationships but if i wait on the paper work it will be that much longer.  So what about some advice on which is better in my case fiance visa or espousal visa.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Esiang on Feb 5, 2003

while i am taking my time i thought i could kill two birds with one stone.   The way the fiance visa looks frozen i hear in Texas it will take a long time anyway.   Don't forget it is only for a fiance visa and i can ignore it or do it when the time comes.   But at least if i start now 8 or more months from now i will have a choice.

[Esiang]

... in response to Re: Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with que..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 6, 2003

Now I can see more of her story not just the cousin.....

It seems to me that she's a nice extremely beautiful lady...
nice to hear of her story, and I bet this is the one you've been waiting for all your 59 years of life. Man you must have been looking for that nice special woman for so long.

Congrats!!!

Hope fiancee visa nowadays dont get so long but it shouldn't be more than a year.

Additional I dont think Immigration Attorney is pretty needed for the processing as long as your papers and everything is complete and that you followed every inch of instructions of these INS people.

I've learned from some experience of other people, it's either it can get worse,dont follow all of their rules, some dont really know what's the latest regulations of
INS, just better do your own research,go to the INS website.