Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Scary!, posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

You know my Mom never got Americanized she still does a lot of the old ways.   My sister too 2nd generation is very different than her married friends.   Da Pinays here have not changed too much in the 3 years the have been here.   So i will let it happen naturally and hope for the best.  I don't like to drive!  And no i don't want her to work outside the house.  The career women are a dime a dozen here that is why i looked 9000 miles for a date.  She can be mature and stay at home.   Oh well you may be right but i will try to keep the filipina old way if i can.

[Esiang]

... in response to Scary!, posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

I love driving.....he..he...

[Esiang]

... in response to Re: Re: Yes, they are all different, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003


My parents also have a big age difference....
too bad they didn't last so long as my father's time were
running out. We're just lucky to have a tiger Mother ....he..he....(joke)

Where in Mindanao is she from?? just  curious.....
Looks like it's nearby Cebu.....

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Yes, they are all different, posted by Esiang on Feb 8, 2003

Kibawi dead center of Mindanao 2 hectors of land growing bananas, mangoes,corn, papaya and guava.  Mom had 4 siblings all girls. She is the second her older siste is married the other two are still in school.  Her mom to get to Cebu had to get on two ferries [over night trip] jeepnee and 5 hour motorcycle ride to the farm.   They said it would be safe for me to go next time and i would like to go.
I know about those tiger mothers i got one German one oowch.

[greg]

... in response to Re: Sounds fair..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

If Your 19 yr old baby isn't like all other Filipinas, then why on earth would you consider a Prenuptial Agreement??? Your 59 in good health, She's a 19 yr old. What are the Pros and Cons of marriage to such a wet behind the ear kid??? Well, you would be getting your wish of a Trophy wife. Your Cons would be tons of headaches, later your not going to be looking at her youngful beauty, but at the pain that your going thur. In fact at her young age it won't take long for her to learn the AW trade and herself become a dread AW. It's diffult finding a good Pinay as it is, soo why make things difficult on yourself by wanting a child young enough to be your daughter?? You maybe healthy now, you don't know how your health going to be a few years down the road. No guarantee that shes going to stay with you after getting her green card, she may even leave sooner. It's  a huge risk bringing a Foreigner over here, so you better take your time. Oh well, your mind is set anyway, and my advice to you is useless.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Prenuptial Agreement???, posted by greg on Feb 8, 2003

I would consider a prenap coz I am practical.  Remember even students of mine who married here with similar age are now divorced.  There is no guarantee so even the perception that they get nothing when they leave can be a deterrent.   We already joked about her giving me headaches that is to be expected.   But with your philosophy why would any one have kids?   They are going to be tons of headaches too but we have em any way.    The AW thing, you got a good point, but I have examples of Filipinas married to guys here in town and after 3 and the other 4 years looks good, not much AW.  Ya it was difficult to find a good Pinay.  The older ones are set in their ways they are smart with lots of experience from past failures with e mail and phone calls.  They have tons of information from friends who dated and communicated with Americans.   Young enough to be my daughter? Ya or old enough not to want to do anything but go to the Mall.   I am just tired of gals who are older who don’t want to do stuff.   I was paralyzed for 2 years from an Army parachuting accident.   I lost a fiace then I feel I got a better chance than then now for this one to stay.   If she leaves Oh well better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all LOL.   Taking my time?  I think the INS got that covered you think?  Is my mind set yes it is.    But don’t forget I will see her again in July we will e mail INS will take some time.   I can pull out even when she comes here for her 90 days.   So my mind is made up to go the next step.   If nothing happens along the way to change my mind then it is a go.    Your advice is not useless, I didn’t hear this advice from my friends or parents.   They just wished me luck   so thanks I needed to be told.

[greg]

... in response to Re: Prenuptial Agreement???, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Good Points. At your age and her age, the public is going to give you a difficult time. I'm healthy, a body builder, look much younger than my 48 yrs, but when I was with my ex AW Pinay from Guam living in California, people gave our relationship a hard time, she was only 16 age difference at age 28 at time of our relationship. Soo think about your own age and the age of your girl, your family, friends and public is never going to accept it. They are going to feel that your taking advantage of a girl from a poor country and that she only agreed to be with you for America. I know that maybe you do not care what they think, but huge age difference especially her young age is going to be a problem. People may even lose respect for you. I really feel that a huge age difference would work if you both stayed in RP, but not in America. I know many past and present PL Posters that tried it with these much younger Pinays ending in divorces at short marriage time or had to deport his much younger Mahal. She's going to recieve pressure at school from other students and teachers if they find out she's involved with a much older Man. There are just tooo many negatives involved with being with a girl young enough to be our daughter. I'm a single Parent of a 29 month old Pinoy boy, so I love caring for my baby. I just wouldn't want a wife with the mind set of a child for a wife. With her, your going to have to teach teach teach, your going to need looooots of Patience, just like taking care of a child. Later she may think of you as a Father instead of a Husband, becuz your going to have to say baby baby pls do this pls do that...It's going to get on her nerves, make her angry, cause plms. About her doing things for you AWs won't do for you at this present time...Well, she may start off doing a few things AWs wouldn't do for you, but later AWs going to feed her mind..Ask her why are you doing this for him??? Blab Blab...You said older Pinays are set in their ways?? I agree with you on that...I am not talking about getting a much older Pinay, I am talking about getting one in a good age range..This is only my own opinion, anyway my Son's Mommie is 32..myself 48..I think a lady in the 30's would be a more safer bet than a 19 yr old wet behind the ear child. Ask yourself what can she do for you?? Most of it would be you doing this and that for her..You wouldn't be able to depend on her to help you take care of anything, becuz she may be more foused on Herself, her own needs. Good Luck with whatever you decide. Yes, the 90 day window sounds excellent..but you can be tempted into marrying her even thur red flags are flying everywhere based on your Love for her, Love will blind a lonely man. I know of a Good intelligent PL veteran that lost his home, mother, etc..becuz he got involved with a young Pinay whom he thought was the "one". I notice that you are showering her family and herself with gifts, etc..thats a huge mistake...Becuz her family is going to later expect that from you all the time.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Lolo meets little girl???, posted by Humabdos on Feb 7, 2003

Well I will tell you frankly yes I have lost my mind!  I am crazy about that girl LOL.
And age does matter, can you imagine an American gal roughing it on a sail boat in her late 30’s or 40’s.  She has to be real special if she can get time off her job that is more important than you.   I have ladies here who won’t go on my sail boat coz it is to hard and the water for the shower is not hot enough on the boat.  Wash clothes by hand on a boat are you kidding not me they say.   Every time I go to the Bahamas I get these complaints about it is too rough to stay on the boat for more than a weekend.   Excuse me!  They would freak out if they had to pump water 4 times a day and wash clothes by hand.   My small sail boat has more luxury than the house I visited in the PI for the 3 weeks I was there.  I had no running water, no water flushing toilet no toilet seat, no running water in the kitchen or shower.   My small boats stove are better and my bed has foam yes, foam to lay on at night.   And I think I am roughing it.    Most mature minds won’t be adventurous and most over 35 don’t have the energy to do stuff.  I have gone though hell in the other direction.   This little girl is 5’6” and runs the family washes clothes cooks the rice and makes the dried fish.   She goes to school in the morning and the chores in the afternoon.   Barbie dolls and watch cartoons?  What kinda 19 year old did you marry guy?   While we have heart attacks they have song attacks, I love it.   At 10 years old maturity they are not cunning and scheming yet.  I was in the VA hospital last year in Gainesville and there was some old guy in his 80’s getting pushed around in his wheel chair by his 44 year old wife loyal to the end.   I have to make up my mind as we establish this relationship if I want to take the chance of happiness against the chance of getting in for a lot of misery.  Then there is always the lottery hehehe.   I don’t wana be the “it won’t happen to me” guy.   But I was a paratrooper and I jumped it was great till I hit the ground.    You went though hell you say but no details so I got to take your word for it.   So Humados I have to say I value your input like the others.   I feel like part of the family with people who care.   Thanx but I have been through hell without getting married already there is no guarantee so I am going to go for it.  Anyway the way the INS is working she will be in her 20’s by the time we get to the interview.    I would like to know more details of your hell and misery story so I can learn from others.  

[Humabdos]

... in response to Re: Lolo meets little girl???, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 7, 2003

Just one question does she get sea sick? LOL

Some people might have gotten offend by my post. I love your attitude dude! Is there room for Sallie and I on that boat? I like to sail in the nude so no need for washing clothes! he he he

Happy sailing!

Hum & Sallie

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Lolo meets little girl???, posted by Humabdos on Feb 7, 2003

Well I will tell you frankly yes I have lost my mind!  I am crazy about that girl LOL.
And age does matter, can you imagine an American gal roughing it on a sail boat in her late 30’s or 40’s.  She has to be real special if she can get time off her job that is more important than you.   I have ladies here who won’t go on my sail boat coz it is to hard and the water for the shower is not hot enough on the boat.  Wash clothes by hand on a boat are you kidding not me they say.   Every time I go to the Bahamas I get these complaints about it is too rough to stay on the boat for more than a weekend.   Excuse me!  They would freak out if they had to pump water 4 times a day and wash clothes by hand.   My small sail boat has more luxury than the house I visited in the PI for the 3 weeks I was there.  I had no running water, no water flushing toilet no toilet seat, no running water in the kitchen or shower.   My small boats stove are better and my bed has foam yes, foam to lay on at night.   And I think I am roughing it.    Most mature minds won’t be adventurous and most over 35 don’t have the energy to do stuff.  I have gone though hell in the other direction.   This little girl is 5’6” and runs the family washes clothes cooks the rice and makes the dried fish.   She goes to school in the morning and the chores in the afternoon.   Barbie dolls and watch cartoons?  What kinda 19 year old did you marry guy?   While we have heart attacks they have song attacks, I love it.   At 10 years old maturity they are not cunning and scheming yet.  I was in the VA hospital last year in Gainesville and there was some old guy in his 80’s getting pushed around in his wheel chair by his 44 year old wife loyal to the end.   I have to make up my mind as we establish this relationship if I want to take the chance of happiness against the chance of getting in for a lot of misery.  Then there is always the lottery hehehe.   I don’t wana be the “it won’t happen to me” guy.   But I was a paratrooper and I jumped it was great till I hit the ground.    You went though hell you say but no details so I got to take your word for it.   So Humados I have to say I value your input like the others.   I feel like part of the family with people who care.   Thanx but I have been through hell without getting married already there is no guarantee so I am going to go for it.  Anyway the way the INS is working she will be in her 20’s by the time we get to the interview.    I would like to know more details of your hell and misery story so I can learn from others.  

[Jeff S]

... in response to Lolo meets little girl???, posted by Humabdos on Feb 7, 2003

Tell us what you really think.

- Jeff

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Don't hold back, Hum., posted by Jeff S on Feb 7, 2003

Ya lets not hold back! LOL

Round 2 Ding !

[Humabdos]

... in response to Don't hold back, Hum., posted by Jeff S on Feb 7, 2003

n/t

[Frank2002]

... in response to Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 5, 2003

[This message has been edited by Frank2002]

Hello Peter  

I will be in Cebu in a few weeks hopefully. If you want or need some help email me at HT1281@hotmail.com

I don't feel you need a lawyer for marriage. I just think you should slow down abit though Peter. In about 6 months or so once you know her a bit better and you have one more time spent together and if this lady turns out to be a keeper here is some help with your paper work.

Marrying in the Philippines

When you want to marry in the Philippines the groom needs the following papers:

* Birth certificate
* Registration certificate
* Extract of the Family history
* Certificate: "Legal capacity to marry"
* Certified "divorce certificate" (when divorced)

The first two documents have to be translated into English and be certified.The first two documents you will get from the registration office of your birth town and your current home address. The third one is available in the marriage office. With this document you have to go to the USA Embassy in Manila, they will issue the English document: "Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage". This procedure will cost you the equivalent of U$10 in Pesos and is valid for 6 months. In addition you will need two copies of your passport.

In case that you plan to marry in the church, you need in addition:

* Baptism certificate
* Confirmation certificate
* Single certificate (from the City Hall)
* Certificate "Free for Marriage"

All these documents are available form your local church with the exception of the single certificate. In case your are protestant and your bride is catholic, you will need the "Dissmissoria", a paper which allows you to marry in the catholic church. Again you will get this in your church, but usually the Bishop is involved too and has to give his OK. In case you are catholic and your wife is protestant (unlikely, but possible), you will have to confirm with the priest that your kids will be raised as Roman Catholic. A plain letter is sufficient, but it should be titled in large letter with the string: "Free for marriage". Not all priests in the Philippines will ask for that, so you should better check with him before you go to the Philippines.

All these papers should not be older than three months to stay valid.

The bride needs:

* Birth certificate (certified)
* Single certificate (certified)
* Copy of passport
* Parental Affidavit (if less than 25 years old), (certified)

The procedure:

You need the "Marriage License". This you will get either from the major or the priest. In case of a wedding in the church you need to participate in a two day wedding seminar where the priest teaches you how to produce many little mixed Filipinos and Filipinas :-). Furthermore the announcement of your wedding will be published 4 weeks before the intended wedding date, so take your time. If you only marry in the city hall you have to be registered 10 days before the ceremony. As the process to do that takes 2 days, this means you should be in the Philippines at least 12 days before the ceremony. Even more, as they do not work ton the weekends but the wedding typically takes place on the weekend, you have to calculate that as well. For the wedding ceremony itself study the the respective chapter in the book "Culture Shock Philippines", this describes the details quite accurate.

Some more information: In case that you do not want to marry in the local church where the bride is living (registered), you can check with any other church of your liking. Still the announcement of your wedding has to be published in the original church as well, and you will get the "Marriage Bands" in both churches. But again, this procedure has to be approved by the Bishop. In case this results in a problem, just move the residence of your bride to the new church.

Philippine weddings, especially when done in the church, are a big festival. To help there are some companies and organizations which offer some services like making a video and taking pictures.

After the wedding:

With the marriage certificate you will have to go to the city hall for a certification. A further certification is required from the marriage registrar of the NSO in Manila. These again have to be legalized by the Ombudsman (Malacanang Office) and the DFA (Red Ribbon!). These certificates have to be legalized by the USA Embassy in Manila (will cost around U$25).

"keeper" during your many experiences with "ladies of the night" or you meet a local salesgirl at a shopping mall etc here's what you need to get her back to the States.

Marrying in the Philippines

When you want to marry in the Philippines the groom needs the following papers:

* Birth certificate
* Registration certificate
* Extract of the Family history
* Certificate: "Legal capacity to marry"
* Certified "divorce certificate" (when divorced)

The first two documents have to be translated into English and be certified.The first two documents you will get from the registration office of your birth town and your current home address. The third one is available in the marriage office. With this document you have to go to the USA Embassy in Manila, they will issue the English document: "Certificate of Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage". This procedure will cost you the equivalent of U$10 in Pesos and is valid for 6 months. In addition you will need two copies of your passport.

In case that you plan to marry in the church, you need in addition:

* Baptism certificate
* Confirmation certificate
* Single certificate (from the City Hall)
* Certificate "Free for Marriage"

All these documents are available form your local church with the exception of the single certificate. In case your are protestant and your bride is catholic, you will need the "Dissmissoria", a paper which allows you to marry in the catholic church. Again you will get this in your church, but usually the Bishop is involved too and has to give his OK. In case you are catholic and your wife is protestant (unlikely, but possible), you will have to confirm with the priest that your kids will be raised as Roman Catholic. A plain letter is sufficient, but it should be titled in large letter with the string: "Free for marriage". Not all priests in the Philippines will ask for that, so you should better check with him before you go to the Philippines.

All these papers should not be older than three months to stay valid.

The bride needs:

* Birth certificate (certified)
* Single certificate (certified)
* Copy of passport
* Parental Affidavit (if less than 25 years old), (certified)

The procedure:

You need the "Marriage License". This you will get either from the major or the priest. In case of a wedding in the church you need to participate in a two day wedding seminar where the priest teaches you how to produce many little mixed Filipinos and Filipinas :-). Furthermore the announcement of your wedding will be published 4 weeks before the intended wedding date, so take your time. If you only marry in the city hall you have to be registered 10 days before the ceremony. As the process to do that takes 2 days, this means you should be in the Philippines at least 12 days before the ceremony. Even more, as they do not work ton the weekends but the wedding typically takes place on the weekend, you have to calculate that as well. For the wedding ceremony itself study the the respective chapter in the book "Culture Shock Philippines", this describes the details quite accurate.

Some more information: In case that you do not want to marry in the local church where the bride is living (registered), you can check with any other church of your liking. Still the announcement of your wedding has to be published in the original church as well, and you will get the "Marriage Bands" in both churches. But again, this procedure has to be approved by the Bishop. In case this results in a problem, just move the residence of your bride to the new church.

Philippine weddings, especially when done in the church, are a big festival. To help there are some companies and organizations which offer some services like making a video and taking pictures.

After the wedding:

With the marriage certificate you will have to go to the city hall for a certification. A further certification is required from the marriage registrar of the NSO in Manila. These again have to be legalized by the Ombudsman (Malacanang Office) and the DFA (Red Ribbon!). These certificates have to be legalized by the USA Embassy in Manila (will cost around U$25).

Hope this helps Peter
Your friend Frank

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Finished a Trip to Cebu with questio..., posted by Frank2002 on Feb 6, 2003

thanx Frank i will check it out