Meeting the Right Women

[Mita]

I beg to differ with Mars on his claim that statistics on this board will show a poor rating for Fil-AM relationships.  Let's do a poll and see what we come up with.
As for meeting the right women, Filipino or not, online or through an introduction service or through personal introduction, I want to remind every guy here to use your big head - the one with 2 eyes.  I met my husband online quite by accident.  Through our chats and conversations, I could discern he was a good man.  He said he felt the same about me (good woman not man!) and decided to visit the Philippines and meet me.  Honesty, brains or half a brain, class, common sense and all that will come through in your letters, emails and chats - just as it does in this forum in all our posts.  
When you find someone who does not seem honest enough for your tastes, I suggest you  run in the opposite direction as fast as you can to avoid further heartache and expense.  HOwever, if you like playing games go ahead and pursue the other players.  Be warned though, you are wasting your time - time you could have used for happier pursuits.  
I really feel bad for those men who were duped by Filipinas or other women.  I hope you will not let the experience embitter your view on life and love and all the good they offer.  There are valuable lessons to learn in every negative experience we've had - open your eyes and find those lessons to get out of the vicious cycle. I promise you, it's worth the effort.
Why do I even bother to post this? Cause I'm deliriously, unbelievably happy in my marriage and so is my husband (I ask him constantly and that's how I know) and sincerely wish everyone can have the same experience.

[SteveG]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

Mita,
 I better join in this survey before it drops down so low on the board nobody will see it!   I first started writing  Melly back in Dec 1992, we 1st met on Oct 31 1993, got married in Aug 94.  So it's been 10 years now that we have known each other - married for 8 1/2 years.  

 Other than the occasional beating that she gives me for not picking up after myself, things have been great!    Seriously, I can't imagine life without her now.  So I think we have to be considered a success!

                        SteveG

[Dave H]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

Hi Mita,

Very good post! As for me and my wife...married since October 2001. Happily together since June 2000.

We watched "Wild On E: The Philippines" on TV a few nights ago. They focused mainly on the night life in Manila, Cebu, and Boracay. I saw hundreds of the type of women that I had no interest in meeting when I was single...

Dave H.

[joemc]

... in response to Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by Dave H on Dec 11, 2002

Hi Mita,
    I have been married since 82, my life has been
    good to me with two teenage kids. How did you
    meet your husband

                              joemc

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by joemc on Dec 11, 2002

We met by accident online.  We were both not looking for a mate but found one.

[SJ]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

18 months into a marraige and almost three years into a relationship.I follow her advice..."beware of filipina, what you give her, she will give in return 10x back" I make it a point to give the best and all that I can.  The first 4 Fil/Am couples that befriended us after her arrival here had over 120 years of combined healthy/happy marraiges.

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by SJ on Dec 10, 2002

How is Annaly?  Are you still in TN?

Best regards,
Mita

[SJ]

... in response to Re: Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 10, 2002

Hi Mita, Still here in Tenn. still dealing wih AOS problems, you might have caught on Mag. Annaly's got a good job at Panasonic, We'll e-mail in a couple of days. Going off line while a D-way internet dish is installed. Be back on maybe by next Mon.

[Carl]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

will be 3 years come March 10,2003 and still going great.
We were together the first year 100% of the time with exception of time spent in the CR!. Never any arguments. We have real love and simply could not be any better. My Filipina is the sweetest thing I have known in all my near 72 years. Carl & Vemila

[nealt]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

Jessica and myself are very happy almost 4 years now
tneal

[The Walker]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

Vicky and I were married in August of 1999 and we are still going strong. We are happy and well-settled into matrimony, and I love her more than I can tell.

Don

[Bear]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

I meet Honey online too.  She found the "name" I was using interesting and chatted in.  Funniest thing was when I saw her "name" requesting to chat I thought with a name like that this has to be the one.  The rest is blistful history.

Honey was smart - I saw it almost instantly by a counter question to one of mine - she clearly out foxed me.  I was so impressed.  She wasn't going to be fooled by a sweet talker.  And she seem to welcome my questions and my responses to them too.  We had so much in common by the way we pictured things, our beliefs.  Still we some differences too (like our radically differences in color preferences and what we think is "pangit and maganda" in people), we even have one common weakness that surely one day will be our downfall.  But we knew it all before we got married because we discussed it.

I am amazed at the "trust" AM's have for women.  They fail to ask even the most simpliest questions.  Maybe they are afraid that might cause them to fail to get to the next base and the thought of starting over is just too harsh to deal woth.  The trust that surely "everything will be alright", or "she so pretty and I think she likes me" often gets shot down in flames when reality of hard choices occur. If only the important issues were discussed before...  Even Jesus "decided" before he was confronted with the choice.  He simply had to say "no" because he had decided in his mind first (note the events of the 40 days and nights fast, test and trials).  So two people find an attraction to each other but come from different points of view and they try to adjust to each other without knowing how each other will react.  Sometimes it succeeds but for some reason here in America if fails more often.  Selfishness, self-determination, the thought you can be all you can be without anyone (individualism), pride, political and social pressures that make family seem unimportant and many others all play a part.  In reality "family" is all that's important.  It is the smallest unit and increditably strong when all members love, respect and support each other.

A Hymn from my church called "Love at Home" starts...

There is beauty all around
When there's love at home;
There is joy in every sound
When there's love at home;
Peace and plenty there abide
Smiling sweet on every side
Time doth softly, sweetly glide
When there's love at home.
Love at home,
Love at home;
Time doth softly, sweetly glide
When there's love at home.

Too many people think that "individualism" is strong but in reality like the parable of the sticks is easily broken when separated from others.  But when bound with others it is near unbreakable.

But how can can you adjust to each other without asking, knowing what will happen when the hard things you fear occur?  How can the other person know how to react without knowing what your fears are?  Expectations are with us and somehow we know how we be challenged by God so discussing them ends any trepitation and adjustment before it occurs.  Still pulling teeth without anesthesia is easier in America than to get people to discuss their expectations.  How does a person know they love you till they know what makes you strong and weak?  How do you love them if you think their strengths counter yours and your weaknesses are the same as theirs?

The failures Mars notes in each case were expectations not discussed which in each case made "love" impossible.  No love, no family.

Bear and Honey

[SteveB]

... in response to Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 9, 2002

Hi Mita,  Long time no talk,,,glad to hear your happy!  So are we, Julietb and Steveb.  I use to spend time kicking myself for letting someone hurt me emotionally or personally.  I would also think bitterly towards them in my heart.  I got extremely lucky or God was looking out for me, I'm not sure which.  I chose another pina, the wrong pina for me, but somehow Juliet and I found our path.  I show her as much love as I can.  She has given me so much in return,,,,the fears, doubts, and bitterness from my past have disappeared.  Could I get hurt again?  You bet!  Anything could happen.  Could she get hurt?  Yes, life is tough.  I only know it's not so tough with her and I hope to grow as a person with the passing of each of life's trials.  Best of luck to all.

steveb and julietb

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by SteveB on Dec 9, 2002

Hi Steve!
Any babies on the way?  We're just neighbors, right?  I still haven't gotten used to the cold and ice and snow...brrrrr!  How's Juliet taking it?
Glad to hear you and your Juliet are happy.  You certainly recovered from that one bad experience fast.  I'm happy for you both.
Mita

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Meeting the Right Women, posted by Mita on Dec 10, 2002

ONE BAD EXPERIENCE??LOL,,,you forget I am an old fart!  I have had many good and bad experiences.  On the radar screen of life that one bad experience was just a tiny bleep,,,,I learned much about myself and moved on,,,God helped us a lot....Juliet is doing ok with the cold weather,,our biggest weather problem here is it can be 50 or 60 degrees here one day and 20 the next.  We had 8 inches of snow last week,,,juliet wanted to take pictures of the snowmen,,so I guess she is getting in the spirt....