I'm in a foul mood as of now.  I mean a FOUL MOOD.  I never imagined I'd be this upset to post it on the board.  But it's better than banging walls or breaking windows.  I thought I was pretty much on the right track for improving my life and then I get ridiculed.  Laugh at me if you will, it's my fault to post stuff here in a place where I'm not welcome and don't belong.  2 days ago, I thought life was normal and things were gradually improving.  I'm trying to climb the mountain of acheivement and well-being in life, to repeatly be pushed and shoved to the ground emotionally.  In particular, Ray Snyder, comes to mind.  I have had it!!!  Anger is seething from within.  Over the past year, ever since the cell-phone incident pertaining to Analyn, Ray Snyder in spite of what he claims, has done nothing but repeatedly poke insults at me and then accuse me of insulting others.  I have the right to be angry.  It's manifested itself too much.  After the end of the week, I not only feel shoved to the ground, I feel on the vberge of breakdown.  Maybe no matter how hard I try not to be a jerk, I'll always be a jerk.  I'd better be careful of my own shadow.  If I could jump out of myself, and become different from the person I've always been, maybe I'd be a happier person.

I can't beleive I'm saying this stuff.  This is the mood I'm in right now.  I'm stupid, too emotional!!!   I've got to keep all manifested hurt and anger inside.  No, I can no longer.  I'm beginning to lose sense of myself, my thinking and what I beleive in and the ideals I strive to acheive out of life.  I'm totally disgusted!!!

- Kevin

... in response to Re: venting, posted by Jimbo on Sep 8, 2002

Hey Jimbo,

It's a good thing that Ray's real name is Bill Johnson...Whoops! Tim's 24 hour rule may be boring, but it sure beats having to say your sorry to a bunch of people. BTDT! I agree that it's best to blow off steam in emails or by talking to someone before all control is lost. If that fails, pull the emergency plug and dump the tank before it BLEVE's! (boiling liquid expanding vapor explosion)  Ray got on my butt a little once or twice in what I knew was out of concern...it was just what I needed to get the K-1 paperwork completed and my wife over here. Remember how much we all get on Darrell to get on that d@mn plane...so much that he finally did it! Amazing!!! Ray and Kevin actually share a lot...a love of Filipinas and farts. )))
They have both caused me to spit out pieces of my lungs on many occasions.

Dave H.

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002


There sure are large chunks of life that can pretty well
be horrible...a lot of us here have seen some of them.
Yet a nice block of the heart that is beyond being disturbed or abducted by rats in the race or some of life's other slings and arrows is pretty priceless. A serene corner of the heart is worth keeping and defending. When I am forgetting that, it is worth going back and finding again...yes there actually were moments when I might have counted just how many times a green mango might bounce when it fell from the tree and hit the tin roof...

Nathan

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

Kevin, I find hard to know how to react venting these personal intensities,(man, your starting to make me feel really good today! hehe joke) but consider at some point you might draw the line and preserve some for your own internal reflections too. I think everyone, me included need to sometimes go back to the basics of reasoning and motivations for why we posted here. A simple reflection on what people want or get out of it can help it be brought into perspective. I remember when I first started posting about my situation, it was not really to start taking sides or to somehow paint a picture towards the virutious side of my personality and character. Hell, if I wanted to do that I could make up all kinds of lies and boosts, who would ever know. Cause like most of you also, no one knows me personally here, no one walks beside me in life and understands my past, and frankly I don't want it that way. Why cause hopefully we all have our own personal lives, families, pasts and futures and often enough crap to deal with inbetween relationships, work and other problems that come our way in living day to day.  Anyway, below, I listed a few of the motivations I thought were why people usually post here. But lately I think, at least for me that the balance has gone way off into the personal a bit and I agree with Jay, it's time at least for me to take a step back, I hope this somehow helps you too. Have a better day..

Some motivations for Posting;

1. We want to relate some very useful, pertinent, relative information for others to be able to utilize and learn from related to our own Asian - American experiences. (I think this was originally the more practical and intended purpose for creation of the board, but surely not just limited to it)

2. We just need to release our frustrations in writing form, while at the same time some people actually may want to draw others attention to our own situation/experiences/relationships in life and get feedback and impathy from others while cathardically feeling comforted by airing this stuff.

3. We some how feel we owe it to the family of those posting here to relate information that includes both of the above, but often gets interwoven and then we feel it is good for all to hear it, cause it keeps things flowing.

4. Some have nothing better to do than irritate,(trolls), etc.. antagonize, take sides and feel they have the most admirers and or feel they need to do verbal, intellectual battle with others wits in order to build up their own self image.

Zeb

... in response to Hey Kevin., posted by shadow on Sep 7, 2002

I agree with Shadow. Hum

... in response to Kind words . . ., posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

hidden in some of what you say.  Someone who is secure within himself (or herself) would not get easily offended because someone else has a different opinion. With Ray, he is offended by everyone who is a threat to his own ego.

In my 'dysfunctional family' post, I was purposely trying to get a reaction, any reaction, out of people. Reactions I got, all of them positive except for Ray's. Ray was offended. So what does that tell you about his character?

I think you know the answer, as does most everyone else. I needn't elaborate, he has already done that for me.

There is more to this than many people want to admit. Yes, there are factors involved including making the right choices on our own parts, and paying attention to details. But there is also an element of luck involved. Anyone who thinks differently is blissfully ignorant of the facts of life.  

Over and out.

Larry.

... in response to Re: The truth is.., posted by Jimbo on Sep 8, 2002

A portion of my post was meant to confuse, and require the reader to think.

It was not meant to suggest ALL MOB seekers are misfits, just an unusually large percentage of Americans I've met in the Philippines were.

The Elements of Style is a good book.

I've also read 'On Writing Well' by William Zinser. Ironically, I didn't feel it was well written.  

Brevity rules!

Larry.

... in response to Well..., posted by Dave H on Sep 8, 2002

..thanks to Hum, at least I know what kind of misfit I am - a weird skinny guy -LOL!  But when I'm next to my wife I almost look fat.  When she was being wheeled into the operating room the nurse looks at me and says solemnly, "She hasn't many reserves to go on."  I just smiled at her :-)

Jim