"Frank O" seems like a bad guy to me

[LP]

... in response to Re: Good grief...., posted by Frank O on Jun 30, 2005

[This message has been edited by LP]

...you didn't answer the question: If the child is yours what do you intend to do?

Your mistakes are indeed impressive in that they bordered on lunacy when you ignored the signs. *Why* you chose to ignore them is still puzzling however. After all, it's not as if we're talking hindsight here. All I can do is hope you're a wiser man but, frankly, I have a feeling the lessons learned will not match the price paid. Sorry, but you just strike me as a guy not in control of his judgment at even the basic level when it comes to women. You need to ask yourself why that is, what is the underlying cause of it. In fact you'll do well to look in the mirror and ask what your real goal in getting into MOB was.

I don't see getting married over there as a mistake other than the immigration problems you suffered. I see your mistake as marrying a child, someone not mentally equipped to be a wife, let alone emigrate to a new country. Her decision to "try again" makes that even more clear. Many of the comments she made that you posted were also very telling. Not to mention you failed to listen to objective and experienced observers on the sidelines who had met her and could plainly see it was a bad match. Hell, I could see it through the tiny cable I'm using to write this.

So OK, you were 36 and succumbed to the taste of tender vittles. Its something I've also been guilty of but hey, marrying someone 20 is just nuts, even if you yourself are 20. The stories about young FSU girls I hear from the folks I know in the Fed would make your hair stand up. At your age I'd stick with someone 26 or greater, 30 would be even better. You may want to consider one with a kid, they tend to be a more reliable and stable. You do want a family and not a trophy right? If not I'm wasting my breath.

I commend your efforts to be a faithful and good husband under difficult conditions. I hope you'll one day find someone who'll reciprocate but until then you need to always put your own best interests first and never, I mean never, allow a decision to do otherwise be guided by what you think is love on your part alone. Love is mostly an illusion Frank. A happy one I'll admit, but an illusion nevertheless, especially if it's unrequited. Remember, even "real" love has nothing to do with your heart. It's all in your head and until you come to understand that you'll always be a ready victim, usually of yourself. Make it unrequited love and you're already circling the drain.

[Frank O]

... in response to Well OK, but...., posted by LP on Jun 30, 2005

LP well like I said everything WAS fine till September when she "changed" into Mrs. Hyde. Yes, in retrospect like Jack told me "you thought your girl was NOT like all the other 20 years olds, she's DIFFERENT". Yeah right!! That WAS stupid. As for now of course I'm looking at say 24 or older & even with children. Heck, I'll be honest if she would have TOLD ME "Frank I'm sorry but I'm pregnant I f***ed around." MAYBE there would have been a chance if she would have said that. But no she TRIED to pin it on me. It's IMPOSSIBLE for it to be my child. Simple as that. I'll TAKE the DNA test but cmon, if it's not it's not.
Now if by some miracle she could get pregnant with MY child having NOT had sex with me, let's hypothetically say that, IF , IF it was my child of course I'd take responsibility.
BEFORE all this (before her arriving here) She asked me a question that raised some flags to this situation "Frank if we WERE to have a child & it DIDN'T work out for us & we were to DIVORCE, would you want to KEEP the baby?". I thougth perhaps she would fight me for it in the future. I said "Of course I'd like to it's my child". Her response?! "Good because I'm NOT good with children. I would let you keep the baby. Who knows maybe in 5 years I'd CHANGE MY MIND & we'd get back together & I could be a good mother to our baby & a good wife to you."
Now tell me would THAT raise red flags? Now look at our situation? Was it intentional? I guess we could sit here & debate my pathetic situation but what's the point at this time? I DID make my mistakes but I never set out to play with anyone's emotions or screw somebody. I also NEVER went on ANY sex trips "looking" for a wife. She is the ONLY Ukrainian I've ever been with. I know many a men can't say that about their current wives.

[fathertime]

... in response to Re: Well OK, but.., posted by Frank O on Jun 30, 2005

"She is the ONLY Ukrainian I've ever been with. I know many a men can't say that about their current wives."

I do not know that this quote of your is a good thing.  On my trip to UK I became intimate with a woman who will not become my wife.  It is a part of the process for me and I do not feel bad about this or lesser for it. Is there a reason why being with another Ukrainian girl before your "Wife" is a bad thing?

After one trip to Colombia and One trip to UK I have come to the conclusion that most of the UK girls were not sincere and most of the Colombian girls were but it only takes one in either case.  I have also come to the conclusion that I was not as sincere as I thought I was although now that I have seen both sides of the world I think I am prepared to move forward with the right gal.  I have also changed my standards a bit.  Orginally I thought under 24 years old, no kids, and perfect body.  Now my standards are under 32, with or without kids, and a nice figure.  Of course our personalities have to mesh as well.
The process has taught me a little something that words on a forum could not.
Good luck
Fathertime

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Re: Well OK, but.., posted by fathertime on Jun 30, 2005

I also have "expanded" my "requirement" for a prospective wife. I have a 29 year old I'm already corresponding with that also has a 3 year old child...she's Colombian & also was the victim of infidelity so we had quite a bit to talk about. Also for the FIRST time I actually laughed about my situation while talking with her on the phone. She laughed & I just couldn't help myslelf. I guess the healing begins...

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Re: Well OK, but.., posted by fathertime on Jun 30, 2005

Perhaps you misunderstood what I said. What I MEANT to convey was I do NOT go there for the PURPOSE of getting laid. If it WERE to happen then so be it, like it does with you. But I do NOT go there with the INTENT to do that. Also when it DID happen with my wife, SHE was the one who initiated it. I did NOT go over there to take advantage of a young lady. Of course when offered I did NOT say no, LET ER RIP!!

[LP]

... in response to Re: Well OK, but.., posted by Frank O on Jun 30, 2005


...fair nuff Frank. It is indeed a sad case and based on what you're saying she is even worse than I pegged her to be. "Not good with kids?" And her own kid to boot? Nice.

If it's not your kid than move on, a wiser man. How much wiser remains to be seen but I agree: there is no further need for anyone here to bang on you and I for one won't do it again.

You should have sampled more. In the future I would sample many before chosing a few. Then spend at 6 months to a year developing and least 1 month total living with them, preferably more, before making any other move. If you say you can't do this then find a way you can. Anything smells bad, walk away. There are simply too many to choose from and not a one of them is special. You may think so at the time but believe me, no woman on Earth is special. Read that again.

Considering what is at stake the sacrifice in time and money to do this is peanuts. Otherwise you're rolling the dice and will have no one to blame but yourself if it blows up again.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Good grief...., posted by Frank O on Jun 30, 2005

Hey Frank, you're OK.  You made some terrible mistakes and are paying the emotional price for it, having hopefully been through the worst of the financial part of it.  I may even jump back into the game myself.  But for me, I'll try age appropriate again...which actually made no difference my first time around.  A hottie here or over there...it's still a 50/50 roll of the dice.  Plus, I still look at marriage to anyone as the "hope vs. reality syndrome" which means, ya needs lots of luck, if everything else is perfect.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Re: Good grief...., posted by Globetrotter on Jun 30, 2005

NT

[Robert D]

... in response to "Frank O" seems like a bad guy..., posted by lawcom on Jun 30, 2005

hummmm why not tell him how you really feel.  Was it so necessary to be so hard on the guy?

[Craigjjs]

... in response to Re: "Frank O" seems like a bad..., posted by Robert D on Jun 30, 2005

I was originally very sympathetic to Frank and bought his sad story.  But, unless there is another "FrankO", check out what he is doing on the Latin forum.  Right back to the candy store, ready for Peru, Columbia, Panama ....

Frank, did you ever thank that problem might not be 'just' geography?

Craig

[Frank O]

... in response to Enough with the tears for Frank, posted by Craigjjs on Jun 30, 2005

The ladies I've been speaking with BOTH have 3 year old children. One is 25 the other 29 so I woudn't exactly call that back to the "candy store". I reckon I DID learn sumthin.

[Frank O]

... in response to Enough with the tears for Frank, posted by Craigjjs on Jun 30, 2005

Seriously I don't need ANYONE's tears man. I've shed enough of my own. I'm also NOT waiting 6 months or another year before I can work up my "courage" to move on. Just had a great conversation with a Colombian from Bogota. You know I'm FLUENT in Spanish. Still NOT sure how I wound up with a Ukrainian. Believe me I PLAN on being a lot more cautious this time around. However with latin women at least we understand each other a LOT better. I have to admit the cultural difference with certain things in Ukraine WERE EXTREMELY difficult to overcome. As a matter of fact that was one thing me & the lady were talking about tonight. Do I plan on marrying any time soon? NO.

[Craigjjs]

... in response to Ya gotta get back on the horse man!!!, posted by Frank O on Jun 30, 2005

It's not about courage.  It's about judgment.