... in response to Re: Re: first post, posted by Felinessa on Jun 11, 2005Felinessa, you probably have more insight into the MOB scene, as you have direct contact with a family member that is on the opposite side of the fence. Your perspective is unique in that you seem to identify all the mistakes we American men make in our approach to women of the FSU.
Some men do have a rather conceited approach to FSU women. Yes, we do approach it like we are adopting a child. In many ways we are. We are responsible for just about every aspect of their lives once they are here in America. We have to see to their adjustment and development, as well as their physical and emotional needs.
I know we are discussing grown women, but none the less there is little difference raising a child to become a well adjusted adult. The process just takes less time, or at least we hope so.
If the American male is patient and understanding he will benefit in the end. He will have grown with the process and have a better understanding of this person. Hopefully along the way the bond between them will become stronger.
We also live in a throw away society. You can observe that everywhere you look. That’s why the divorce rate is so high in the Western Hemisphere. But, we are discussing a human commodity and can not take this lightly. Efforts have to be made in order for this to be a successful union.
If the wrong attitude is adopted in the beginning we are doomed to continual failure. Something few of us intelligent and sensitive men want to encounter.
I was guilty of this attitude and have gone to great measures to overcome this attitude. We have to respect that there are human feelings involved here.
We are also a society dependent on instant gratification. If you have been here any period of time, I’m sure you are aware of this also. Patience is something that is not openly taught. An example of this is our thoroughfares; everyone has a “me first” mentality.
You have accomplished much since you came here and are to be commended, but don’t be so naïve as to group us all into one category. What is occurring between your cousin and her suitor sounds innocent enough. He’s taking what may be deemed a fatherly approach and trying to provide her with items she may be unable to provide for herself. I doubt that he is consciously trying to buy or impress her. If he is he’s a fool.
Maybe she is encouraging him in the wrong way or just as naïve as he is.
But don’t judge him harshly. He may be responding the only way Western men know how. We are led to believe that it’s not inappropriate to shower your loved one with gifts. If this were not the case, more engagement rings would be required to be returned if the engagement were ended.
You are still a very young Eastern European Woman and have much to learn about Western Men and need to be less critical. Try to understand why we do the things we do and why we react the way we do. We have a lot to offer any woman of the FSU and do so with an open heart. All we ask in return is love and respect. Not so different from FSU men, I would think.
There are those few Western Men that lack the maturity to understand that a relationship takes work and lots of it. They will probably be the victims of their own selfish stupidity and no amount of criticism will help them to see their mistakes unless they choose to accept them as THEIR mistakes.
Thank you, for providing a very stimulating topic. It is helping me to better understand myself and how Eastern European women observe us. Your observations have been invaluable to me and I look forward to more.
OldRed
