Double standard alive and well

[Albert]

In organizing my upcoming trip, I received this as part of message two from a particular lady:  

"May be you organized a parade of “fiancées”. Isn’t it true?  If so, you may forget about me. If I am wrong, I am sorry for my directness.  I would like you to come only to me with the exception of your business."

Just today, a couple of weeks later, I received message five from same lady:  

"You are interesting man but I have already been aquainted with someone for sometime and have become very close. We are planning a soon meeting away so I will not in city those days you come. Of course till the meeting we have not decided anything but  things look good. I wish you best of luck in finding also someone with whom you can get close."

Imagine if I had followed the WO procedure with this lady starting three weeks ago.

And imagine if I had been commited to VO at this late date.

[LP]

... in response to Double standard alive and well, posted by Albert on Apr 7, 2005


...by saps or desperados Albert. Some get lucky (although one sometimes wonders just what the basis for that "luck" is) but I have little sypmathy for those whose eggs get dropped after putting them all in one basket. It's a competition you know, and what you win depends on the effort you're willing to put into it. Considering the time and expense involved it's not logical to VO. Not to mention there are simply too many pickins' to make it worthwhile. There is no single "right one" for you, there are many. No matter how wonderful any one of these girls seems to be she won't be a loss because there are thousands more just like her (or even "better") and in a few months she will be nothing but a distant memory. If during initial correspondence you ever come to feel one of these girls is "special" and consider yourself lucky to have found her you should slap yourself. Or let me know, I'll be happy to do it for you.

You must always put your own interests first even if it means breaking a few hearts. Try to be as delicate as you can about it but trust me, they'll move on almost as quickly as you. I didn't enjoy doing it either but the fact is it's a jungle out there. Men should enter this endeavor with the mindset to do whatever is best for them and to lose that focus risks the emotional equivalent of being eaten alive. The majority of FSU women feel no different and rightly so. They have the right to correspond with as many men as they feel will get the job done and that's how it should be. I wish them all luck, they deserve no less of a chance than men do and in my opinion any man who impedes their efforts in any way is just plain wrong. If you find a womann who feels this same standard shouldn't apply to you she isn't worth chasing in the first place. Don't permit her petty jealousy to swell your ego and reel you in. Instead be prepared to walk away, because the foundations for such emotions during the early stages of a relationship are wafer thin.

Besides...everyone loves a parade

[Streetwise]

... in response to Double standard alive and well, posted by Albert on Apr 7, 2005

If you go and meet with several girls, and at least two of them become close to you, you know that at least one of them is going to get hurt, and that is not pleasant. I have had that situation. On the other hand, if you pin all your hopes on one girl and it turns out that she is playing the field (or indeed, you find that the chemistry you thought would be there does not happen in reality) then probably it's you who gets hurt.

I met a girl in Ukraine a couple of months back, who seemed so genuine and nice, but I just could not feel the chemistry (I also met a couple of other girls.) But I couldn't bring myself to tell her, she seemed so sweet etc I didn't want to hurt her. I felt really guilty when I received her emails wondering why I was slow to respond and call her etc. But then at around the same time I saw her profile pop up again on the front page of the website, with "refreshed" personal details, and that put it all into perspective.

The "production line" aspect of this enterprise is not pleasant, but the alternative is not realistic. The chances of your one and only meeting measuring up to all the letters and photos are not that great, and it's almost certain that the girl will have received many other letters; how can you be sure she has ignored them? You have to allow yourself some back-up in the early stages, especially if you are investing a lot of time and money on the prject (it's hard enough for us Europeans, but to make the trip all the way from the USA just for one contact is... well, let's say extremely optimistic!!

The best solution I found is to very carefully narrow it down to a manageable number of initial meetings, say 3 for example, so they don't have to be rushed, and find some way of covering your tracks between these meetings so as not to hurt her feelings. Because if you do find the right one, it is a shame to blow your chances with just because she finds out that you met other girls on the same trip (they don't like it, and even though they do it themselves they will usually do their best to prevent you from finding out.) Discretion is the key here.

[Hamlet]

... in response to Re: Double standard alive and well, posted by Streetwise on Apr 8, 2005

Streetwise,

I tried to send you an private email at the address you list here in Planet Love but it bounced back.

Can you send me an email so I will have your address and then I can write to you?

Thanks.

Hamlet

[Streetwise]

... in response to Re: Re: Double standard alive and well, posted by Hamlet on Apr 9, 2005

Hamlet, that's my fault, that email address is now defunct; so I've just sent you an email from my new address.
Cheers!