I'm Out of the Game........................

[tim360z]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

Only you know the best move to make here for yourself.  Doubtless,  you will receive alotta advice,  but this is your decision.  'Cuz you are the one to live with the consequences. It does sound like you have alot of assets worth protecting with a prenup.  I would.  The 5K figure does seem on the light side. But, conversely,  your house leaving "your column" and moved to "our column" in 1 year is pretty steep too. Especially since she retains her properties in Russia and would not be destitute if divorce occured.

Today a marriage without a prenup is fine when both parties are young and have not accumulated much wealth.  I myself married at a young age without a prenup and without any wealth.  Of course there are expectations for the future together.  Within 6 years we were divorced with 2 kids.  I gave her everything except for my desk and I took the older car,  everything else was given or signed over to her.  And I continued to pay hefty child support until the "kids" were both 23 and out of college. At any age marriage can be an expensive experience and I can't blame you for shielding your assets.

If it don't feel right in your gut...don't do it. Good Luck.

[jrm]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

She blew it big time! Now she will be stuck in Russia and undoubtedly will try to redeem the relationship.
I  think the 5 K was a good offer, twice the national per capita income in Russia, and she wouldn't have had to work.True, you would have been responsible for her if she had remained here and became a "ward of the state". But what woman would come to  the  land of opportunity to live in poverty, in other words she would work like the rest of us.
Sorry to see you leave the board.
What kinda plane you gonna build?
Best of luck.

[Charles]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

If you've already made up your mind, so be it, but from listening to your story I think you may have jumped the gun in pulling the plug, particularly after all of the effort that you and her have put into this relationship.  First, with the assets you describe I agree that a pre-nup is appropriate, but remember that these women are taking a risk just like you, particularly in your case since your lady apparently has some of her own assets that in Russia could easily be misappropriated if not properly managed and maintained.  RWs need to feel secure in coming to the U.S. and $5,000 per year might fly in Russia, but certainly doesn't do it here.  (By the way, if you got divorced and all she got was $5,000 and elected to live on welfare, you would be on the hook per the Affidavit of Support for all the welfare payments - Medicaid, etc. - a lot more than $5,000/yr.)  That and other points you described seemed to be proper subjects of negotiation, instead of just cutting and running.  Second, don't underestimate the language and cultural explanation offered by her.  Even women that are fluent in English would have difficulty with the technical concepts of such an agreement.  Also, while not trying to over-generalize, RWs tend to overeact to controversial issues as if the world is collapsing, and need some explanation and time to absorb such concepts.  

I guess based on what you said that you might want to reconsider, but, of course, I don't have all the facts.

[wilmc]

... in response to Re: I'm Out of the Game...................., posted by Charles on Dec 9, 2003

I agree with the two previous responses.

Just my "two cents," but I think you may live to regret this decision.

You doubt that she may have misunderstood.  I wonder how well you understand her Russian.

In my limited experience with Russians I have found that they easily misunderstand our need for "financial planning." Under Communism, as bad as it may have been, they were all pretty much in the same boat.  Their apartments might have been small but everyone had a home.  Health care may have been poor compared to what most of our, rapidly diminishing middle class enjoys, but everybody had it.  Mass transit was cheap and excellent and available to all city dwellers.  In addition they have been led to expect that the capitalist system makes us all "greedy."  "Greed is good." said Gordon Gekko in "Wall Street."

All my Russian friends misunderstood the American concern for accumulating "riches," for a comfortable "old age," and to enrich our heirs so they may have an inherited advantage over their peers.

I do not mean to criticize you for I do not know all the facts.  Your offer of $5,000 per year though seems pretty small considering all the "assets," you profess to have.  I can not imagine any family court judge letting you get away with such a stingy pre-nup.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

My experience has taught me to never totally close a door and try to keep an open mind.

  Sometimes I feel just like you do right now and want to just give it up.  You may change your mind in three months or so and say what the heck.............back in the chase.  

 As long as you are living and ticking you will do what you like - and some of the time the like will be a really outstanding woman, or the thought of one...........which may take you on another International trip to the FSU - maybe.

  It will be a shame losing you from this board.  I hope you provide your insights to temper our hopes, dreams and reality.