I'm Out of the Game........................

[LP]

... in response to Re: Good points...., posted by that guy on Dec 9, 2003

[This message has been edited by LP]

Nah, forget it. Thank KenC.

[KenC]

... in response to Good points...., posted by LP on Dec 9, 2003

n/t

[Philb]

... in response to Good points...., posted by LP on Dec 9, 2003

You really said that ;-)

[LP]

... in response to LP....., posted by Philb on Dec 9, 2003

...people like me get all disoriented when they can't get a firm grip on something, I really hate it when that happens.

I just see so many MOB guys who get what they deserve because they went about it the wrong way. Along comes a guy who thinks it through, pays his dues and boom...it blows up in his face even before he gets the chance to see if it'll blow up in his face.

How can a guy who thinks like this think like this? Or is it exactly because he thinks like this? If train A left Boston at 5:22 PM and train B left....I'm so confused.

[KenC]

... in response to Money, Money= Security, posted by tim360z on Dec 9, 2003

Tim,
I will re-post here what I said to Globe as it applies:
Globe,
This may be my last post on this subject and you may not even read this one. Negotiating a prenupt is a very difficult procedure. On one hand, the two people love each other (that should be a given). A big part of love is trust. Now how do you say to each other:I love you completely but I do not trust you enough to risk my future financial well being? This is not to say you shouldn't have a prenupt. You would be foolish not to have one in your circumstance. But, you shouldn't ask her to trust you blindly as you have chosen not to trust her in this way either. There is no good way for her to say "this is not fair" without appearing as a money hungry beetch. You say, "I am a nice guy who is fair and loving and would include her in everything I did". How does she know that for sure? Where is HER safety net should the marriage not play out as you say?

You and others here assume that at $5K/YR, she should be set to begin her life anew back in Russia. What if she doesn't want to go back? Would the $5K/YR fly with an American woman? I think not. Don't look down at her for talking dollars and cents as it is the subject YOU BROUGHT UP. She is trying to play your game by your rules. This is a very difficult process, have some patience.
KenC

[that guy]

... in response to Re: I'm confused...., posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

I don't know you too well or maybe not at all but I'm sorry for your recent situation. Hope things change for the better in your life and all things good come your way.

[LP]

... in response to Re: I'm confused...., posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

[This message has been edited by LP]

..Like I said below, no one knows the details but you so I'm only looking at it the way I would. I learned long ago doing things in the heat of the moment is bad mojo. I only hope you considered everything in light of the investment. And remember, if your state is community property you'll only have to give up half of what you made after the marriage.

But sometimes you have to walk away, there are many who couldn't and paid the price. Hell, a long time ago in a galaxy far away I was one. If you've listened to the Little Man inside and made the call then so be it. Can't say I disagree with everything you've said, this business is mostly for those who've reached a low at some point. Consider it a form of temporary insanity. Still, I like these women, the one's not involved with MOB are a different breed and fun to deal with.

Never say never though, you know this. I found my involvement to be an education that prepared me to do it right if I choose to get serious and enter the fray again...maybe you oughta look at it the same way. Stay in touch...you can always pop in and stir things up, I can't do it alone. You're much more tacful and your wisdom will be missed if you bug out now.

Good luck my friend, you know how to reach me...

[Robert D]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

good for you standing your ground.   I use to think pre nups were terrible until I had assets and have seen the heartbreak of many guys in the end who marry women with no skills and get screwed.....  Frankly if I get married, I will have a pre nup and it will last for 5 to 10 years, then it may end then.   By then I should know someone and if things are not working I can divorce before the expiration of the term.   I do think under those conditions being otherwise generous is important.   I also think that things you buy while married are important and for the significant other to own things like cars etc, so she feels she has some ownership interest in the marriage.  
   Also, keep in mind that in a will you can name the wife as sole heir to your estate if you die and have life insurance if she is concerned that you may die and leave her without a thing.   I can understand such fears coming from where the come from.   You might wish to consider this if she is really a good woman.

Robert D.

[John K]

... in response to Re: I'm Out of the Game...................., posted by Robert D on Dec 9, 2003

A good friend of mine is pretty wealthy (in the millions) and recently got married to a regular guy.  She wrote the prenup so that any wealth and assets she amassed during marriage he was entitled to half of that.  Anything before marriage he couldn't touch.  That way she shared the bounty of her marriage, but protected herself in case of divorce.  That seemed fair to me.

Too bad I met her later in life.  She's young, smart (she made all that money herself), sexy and had the hots for me.  Marina was already my wife by then, so we only could be close friends.  Ah well, timing is everything, I guess. :-)

[Richard]

... in response to How a friend of mine did it, posted by John K on Dec 10, 2003

sounds fair to me also. Do you have any idea how she broached the subject?

[John K]

... in response to Re: How a friend of mine did it, posted by Richard on Dec 11, 2003

'

[KenC]

... in response to I'm Out of the Game........................, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

Globe,
For what it is worth here is my opinion:

Lena and I have been together for over 5 years AND WE STILL HAVE MISCOMMUNICATIONS BECAUSE OF LANGUAGE.  Don't underestimate that as a possibility.  You take it as a "cop out" for a deal gone bad.

Mixing financial responsibility with love is always a tricky proposition.  They mix like oil and water.  You have every right to insist on a prenupt, but she also has a right to negotiate too.  You shouldn't have to risk your sizable wealth, nor should she have to risk her future life for a measly $5K.  That is incredibly cheap when considering your wealth as you state it.  To consider the woman of your dreams to turn her life upside down for that amount of money is absurd.  I know a UW/AM couple that recently divorced where she received more and they didn't have a pot to piss into!!

You, my friend, have deceived her for over three years as to the amount of your wealth (and she still loved you.) A week ago you lay a "bomb shell" on her that you are a lot better off than you have led her to believe.  Only then, you bring up the prenupt.  Hmmm, kinda like telling a kid you OWN the candy store before you limit his candy intake.
You timing could have been better (but as I said before it is a slippery slope here.)

You are ready to cut bait and run after this "bump in the road"?  I don't question her motives, but I do question your sincerity.  I think it is a matter of you being over paranoid about putting your wealth at risk.  And you have a right to protect yourself from foolishly risky your lifetime accomplishments, but $5K?  Come on, you could be a lot more fair about it.  You "throw her a bone" and ASSUME that she will run back to Russia if things don't work out.  Because she is smart enough to see this, and responds, you run?  You should be proud to have selected a woman that would have the backbone not to be duped like this.  You are making the mistake of a lifetime.
KenC

[Globetrotter]

... in response to big mistake, posted by KenC on Dec 9, 2003

Wow...I've been accused of so much I'm not sure I can answer all of the charges.  Let's see...she's been duped, I'm cheap, I threw her a bone, you question my sincerity, I dropped a bombshell, and this is a "bump in the road" right?

No man, I see it as a bad omen and shades of things to come.
Should I have told her that I was worth plenty?  Why would I do this, which makes no sence?

I'm disgusted with you and your comments, and you don't live under my roof, didn't read or write the letters to and from my girl, aren't wearing my shoes, etc., etc.  It's my take on the situation, and to me it smells pretty bad!  And I didn't just fall off the turnip truck!

[Ukrainelover]

... in response to Re: big mistake, posted by Globetrotter on Dec 9, 2003

I post extremely rarely but I thought I will throw in my 2 cents worth. I have been married to RW for over 6 years and I did a prenup which was even more unfair when compared to what you had to offer. Having said that, I really appreciate that you posted your experience with the prenup problem. I believe you did the right thing. Only you know what is the best decision based on your personality and few sentences of your posting can’t recapitulate what had transpired between you two for the three years. So don’t take any of the postings (including this) seriously because folks are writing based on incomplete knowledge.

Now looking from the point of view of the RW, there is one observation which I didn’t see anyone make. Russian women are very emotional - I mean they can be fun loving, cheerful but can have emotional outburst when things don’t go well- kinda bipolar nature. I used to think silently to myself “They need to put Lithium in the Russian water-supply”. I can’t generalize this character but probably your girlfriend might fall in that category. She might have said all this out of control (more of an impulsive behavior) but then when she settled down she realized her mistake and tried to come up with all excuses (might be true) including language barrier. I agree with you that this is not due to language barrier. In my marriage we don’t have language barrier since my wife’s English skills is excellent but her Babushka who lives with us hardly speaks English but she is right on the mark in understanding things based on non-verbal communications.

So do what your heart desires. So if you smell something fishy, end it all because you shouldn’t regret it one day. Or if you could look at it more objectively, give her a second chance.

Good luck.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Re: big mistake, posted by Ukrainelover on Dec 12, 2003

Ukrainlover,
I too have a "hot blooded" Russian wife, so I understand where you are coming from.  Globe's gal may indeed have over reacted in an unpleasant and unrealistic manner.  It is almost as though if you push the right button on these women, they loose any self control and revert into their "kick azz now, ask questions later" mode.  Good point.
KenC