OK, first the disclaimer, because I know this subject is one of the three most divisive subjects on the boards…
If you are happily married to a woman much younger than you – great! I am always in favor of a happy marriage no matter what… And age alone is certainly no indicator of whether a marriage will be ultimately successful.
Also, I know some of you guys caught “lightning in a bottle” and I think that’s just great. This is not a message to those who are married, but to those still searching…
What prompts this is I have met a lot of guys from the boards now. I have also actually met guys who have married Russian Women (or Latino women) just here in the metroplex while I was out and about. It is amazing how many guys with foreign brides or girlfriends I have actually met now…
Unanimously, the guys who have actually met Victoria (as oppose to those who only pretend to have to stir up trouble…) are impressed.
I can’t tell you how many guys have told me things like: “Wow, I was about to give up, and then I met you and Victoria and see how happy you are, and I’m ready to start again now…” Or, “See… why can’t I find a girl like Victoria? That’s what I want…” Seriously… I hear it all the time.
And then I talk to the guys and ask them about their ex-RW or ex-Fiancé, (the one that didn’t work) and the same picture emerges: she was a young girl, usually with no children, twenty to twenty five years younger than he was, and – guess what – she acted immature.
This is no mystery to me. If she is twenty two years old, fresh out of college, and has no kids… SHE IS IMMATURE!
This is true of any country and any culture. Sheesh, some night, watch an episode of Blind Date (if you can stand it) and see how 23 year olds here act.
It seems to me almost every guy I talk to is looking for a young woman with no children. And, I understand that to some degree, but I have to tell you, you are missing out on some wonderful women. It has been my experience – in every country I have been in – that mother’s are much more mature and practical. They have learned how to not live selfishly. ESPECIALLY a single mother who is supporting a child on a meager income. These women have grown up. They have character and depth, and they know what is important in life.
Victoria and I are coming up on our anniversary. I have never had a smoother year of marriage in my life. We have had, I think, three fights, and none of them lasted very long. It’s like that old saying of the Marines: “That Hill ain’t worth dying for…” Both Victoria and I have learned that most of the hills we run into in our marriage certainly aren’t worth dying for. It makes life so easy…
Now, can you find such a woman who is 22? Sure.
Or, if you don’t, can you stand the immaturity if it gets you sex with a 22 year-old Smokinhotkova? That’s for you to decide. As for me, I have always thought there was no woman more beautiful that a woman in her thirties, so it was never an issue for me.
But… some guys say… why NOT get a woman with “no baggage?” After all, the agencies all tell you that the Russian Women actually prefer more mature men. Isn’t that the main reason we all look abroad any way?
Well, I have two responses. First of all, if you think of a child as “baggage”, I not only don’t want to talk to you, I don’t even want to know you! As the father of a precious daughter, I cannot imagine even considering a woman who thought of her as baggage… (BTW, it is amazing how many men expect the woman to accept his children from a previous marriage, while not wanting hers…)
Secondly, sometimes experience doesn’t produce “baggage” … it produces growth.
Ask yourself this… if you are honest with yourself… were you a better person when you were twenty than you are now? God, I hope not!
As for the agencies… well, as I said in a previous post… follow the money. There is a reason they tell you to write to young women. Whether the young women returns your letters or not, they made money on the address (and maybe more…)
Believe me, many of those women who say “Age is not important” in their profile do not really mean that. They were coached to say that by the agency. Age DOES matter to them. Look at who they marry in their own country when they get the chance… many women marry younger men there, in fact. Don’t believe everything the agencies tell you…
But… won’t these women accept an older man since he can offer a more stable life? Isn’t that what we’re told by the agencies?
Sure… But… Think about that for a moment…
Victoria was telling me about a “Reality Show” she saw on TV when she was still in Ukraine. This Russian guy wanted a young and beautiful wife. He was sixty. Good looking guy, and in good shape. And he was rich. Very, very rich.
So, he went on TV seeking a bride. Kind of like “Who wants to Marry a Millionaire”… only with a decidedly Russian twist… Here’s the kicker:
The woman had to sign an agreement that said that when the man died SHE WOULD HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND BE BURIED WITH HIM!
I kid you not! (Imagine THAT on Fox TV!)
Did they get women to vie for this “honor”?
You bet! Some were young women in their late twenties and thirties. Some of them very beautiful. Of course, the show interviewed these women and asked them why they would do it. One woman said: “My life is like a Hell. Even if I could live one month as a millionaire’s wife, it would be worth it. But who knows, he may live to eighty!”
So… does anyone think the women were sincere?
I think they were. I think that woman honestly believed what she said.
As a species, we are trained to survive. We are willing to do things that are normally repugnant to us to survive… like an animal chewing off it’s own leg to escape a trap.
But here’s the real interesting question: “What happens once you escape?”
Sure, you are willing to do anything to escape… but once you are out… will you go through with it?
I believe that if the woman has a choice when her husband dies, that she will opt (once again) for survival. I don’t think she will say: “I had five good years and now I will die.” I think she will say: “Hey, I’m a millionaire now… I have money… I’ll bet I can get out of this.”
OK… so… a less extreme example now:
A 23 year old woman is hungry every day, and cold in the winter, and miserable. She has a dead-end life and she wants out. She needs to get out. She knows that if something doesn’t change, she will die.
A 48 year old American breezes in to her village and offers her a better life. Will she take it? You bet. Will she tell everyone that she is happy? Sure, why not. Maybe she even IS happy. Maybe she even does respect and love her husband.
But ten years roll by. That 48 year old guy is approaching 60 . In a few more years, he will retire. That “slightly” overweight 48 year old now has an ample stomach, bad feet, and has lost much of his hair.
She’s 33 and in her sexual prime. She has lived now in America for many years, and she has learned what kind of a life most beautiful women in their early thirties can expect… and she doesn’t have that.
Suddenly, she sees her situation as (by American standards) bad as it was before. She wakes up every day with this OLD man. And men are flirting with her at work every day…
What do you think she will do? Honestly… what would YOU do?
Sure she was honest when she said I do. She’s no scammer. She loved him… she tried to stay married… but – her circumstances have changed. She’s a survivor. She is no longer in the trap of a bad economic situation… and she decides that she needs to improve her situation.
Now… maybe it won’t happen. Or, maybe it will happen a lot sooner.
But, I think a lot of guys need to ask themselves: “What do I REALLY want? A young trophy and sex toy? Or a good wife who will be my partner for life.” And then take another look at those thirty year old women with a young child… There is “Gold in them thar hills,” and hardly any miners…
IMHO
