Another one bites the dust?...Don't know yet.

[Stevo]

Well, just met another new AM/RW couple…and I do mean NEW!  The woman (32) and her child ( arrived on a K-1 visa about 2 weeks ago.  She’s pretty depressed (kid doing OK).  She hates the food, the house, the town…pretty much everything.  She spoke extensively with my wife, who did her best to convince her to stick out the 90 days to see how things work out (she was ready to go back).  My wife’s advice was to view the 90 days as a vacation at worst, and at best she might get married.  My wife gave her several Russian video tapes which appeared to be a godsend to this woman.

Interestingly, she’s one of those RW who dislikes cooking and cleaning.  She told my wife she hated everything in the house and would like to trash everything and fill it with new stuff.

Probably the biggest problem is that she was thinking that every place was like NYC, and that just ain’t so.  These city girls (she’s from Moscow) have a real tough time getting used to suburban/town living and how very different it is from big city living (which it seems most of them aspire to).  From my very brief interaction with the prospective husband and wife, I give them a 50/50 chance of success (by that I mean just getting married…no bets after that).

We’ll be keeping an eye on them to see how things work out.

Stevo

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

Interesting story.  Still, it depends on who you are, where you live, and how your "squeeze" relates.  Mine is from a city larger than Chicago.  I'm in the burbs 35 miles and an hour by car or train from the big city.  Yet....there are millions of things to do here, from theateres, restaurants, museums, canoe trips, nature walks, a golf course a mile away, and many things big cities don't or can't offer.  There is absolutely no crime here, great schools...but you have to drive everywhere, like most places in this country...except big cities.  However, big cities also give you the multi-racial communities, and high crime rates.  Mind you, I'm not opposed to multi-racial communities, but there's a price to pay.  (Also, my squeeze is a good driver)

Mine is a concert pianist, but probably wouldn't get first, second or third piano in the Chicago Symphany Orchestra.  But, she could teach piano for $25.00 per half hour.  She knows exactly where I live, and says a "bedroom community"
sounds wonderful to her, with a city close by for a visit every 2 weeks or month.  She's more worried about her little girl's education, which would be well looked after.

At the end of the day, everyone is different, desires are varied, wants are a big question mark till they get here.  Some love it, some don't.

Anyone can be taken.  So, make sure you marry your best friend.  Not that that is a panacea for success, but is a good start.

[Frank O]

... in response to It All Depends on Who You Choose..........., posted by Globetrotter on Jul 29, 2003

Dang!! That's good! I get paid $25 per hour ($12.50 per half hour). Man I wish I had it that good down here.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to $25 per half hour!?!&@&^%%....., posted by Frank O on Jul 29, 2003

Frank, move to Chicago.  For $12.50 per hour, you can teach me guitar....be pickin with the best of them in 20 or so years.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

Life in NYC, especially Brooklyn is alot closer to life in the average small Russian city than anywhere in the USA - with something like Moscow (Manhattan) just a subway wide away.

[tim360z]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

There is the big lure of the cities for those who live in the country.  For many reasons, akin to our Industrial Revolution, when many rural people moved to the cities...for work, better pay and the excitment and possibilites of city living.

I have a friend for years who is a very bright intelligent girl (excellent English) who grew up in a small town about 300 miles south of Archangelsk.  About 30,000 people.  While going to school she also worked for the Tax Dept and made about $60 per month.  She loved her little town and family and all that,  but she knew that after graduating with her red diploma that she could do much better in a big city.  

So,  she moved to St Petersburg ( a couple days ride on a train)and moved in with her older sister and spent 2 months looking for a job.  It was disappointing.  And she found the city to be a stark combination of beauty and ugliness.  And she was greatly homesick for her little town of Ustag.

Finally, after a couple months she landed the type of job she wanted.  Now she works for a communications company in St Pete and makes about $300 per month.  Has her own office and computer and advises the company on tax's.  3 months ago she and her sister bought an apartment...she has done quite well during the 3 years we have known each other.  It appears one can do better in the big city and she now likes it very much.

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

Stevo,
The story you tell here is an important one for a man considering a RW wife.  In many respects, it mirrors the experiences that I encountered with my ex-wife.  Although my ex is a decent and good person, she could not (and didn't try too hard, BTW) to adjust to suburban living.  And I live in an upscale bedroom community within a 25 minute train commute to NYC.  My ex much preferred the comfort of living within the Russian community that has developed within Brooklyn, where one does not ever have to learn a word of English.

Like many women, my ex had a distorted vision of real life here in the US.  And this is in spite of the fact that she was already living here in the US for about 3 months when I met her!  It goes to show how difficult the transition process is for some women.  I tried to make her less homesick by sending her home for a couple of advance parole vacations to see her family, and she spent lots of time visiting her friends in Brooklyn (almost every day), but in the end she just hated living in suburbia.

[ChrisNJ]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

These two may not have made the right choices.  What was your wifes impression of the ladies character?  Any "gut instincts" there?

[Stevo]

... in response to Interestingly, she’s one of those RW who..., posted by ChrisNJ on Jul 29, 2003

quite normal.  She thinks the guy is rather 'strange'.  An opinion that I tend to share.

[wsbill]

... in response to Wife's opinion is that the woman is very..., posted by Stevo on Jul 29, 2003

the dude...  Don't just leave us hanging wondering.

[Griffin redux]

... in response to Re: Strange... elaborate on what you fee..., posted by wsbill on Jul 29, 2003

[tim360z]

... in response to Wife's opinion is that the woman is very..., posted by Stevo on Jul 29, 2003

Now that could have a little something to do with it.

[tim360z]

... in response to Another one bites the dust?...Don't know..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

Your wife's advice to her is nice.  But,  if after 2 weeks this Moscow "lady" is wearing the attitude you describe?  Get her a one-way ticket...to Moscow.  If she is like this now,  what will she be like in a couple years?

[Stevo]

... in response to Honestly,, posted by tim360z on Jul 28, 2003

crying the first couple of weeks, and she DID hate the food and my house and where she lived.  But she stuck it out for both her and her daughter's future.  And we got over that HUGE cultural gap.  Guys that haven't gone through this gut wrenching process haven't got a clue how difficult it is for both these ladies and for themselves!  There were plenty of times when I wanted to send her back.

Stevo

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Well, to tell you the truth, my wife did..., posted by Stevo on Jul 28, 2003

This is interesting...

My wife *loves* the food here. Even Mexican food!

In 8+ months, I have never once thought about sending her back.

Now... she has had moments of some homesickness. True. And the cultural gap was huge.

But, mainly, she missed her family, friends, and being able to communicate everything she wanted to... instead of being limited by a new language...

Just goes to show how different every situation is, I gues...