How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family....

[RickM]

Gotta say...Things DO get interesting with the in-laws...
I remember last January while visiting in Southern Russia my wife's uncle kept "dis-appearing" for days at a time to "unknown" destinantions and then suddenly "re-appearing" back into the family mainstream as if he never left and the disappointed look on my wife's aunt's face would disappear as quickly as he returned..."Nothing Spoken..."
All in all,very nice people.While vacationing there wife and I helped Poppa buy a new auto(his old one was 27 yrs. old) and then the wife and I made a decision to send them a few grands to help her parents get a newwer home (one with bathroom and running water inside...)We hoped it will give them an easier life and hopefully add some years to their lives.They decided to wait until spring to begin looking for a new home.Seems a lot of the homeowners with houses and land for sale around there take off for the winters and return in springs.

Yesterday,Poppa has sister-in-law send us an e-mail that they have found a house and request that when we send the remaining balance we promised to send to them to buy the new house,that we send it in HIS name only and to NOT tell MOMMA the total amount we are sending...
GEEEEESSSHHH!!!!What's up with that?-Now I feel like not even sending anything at all....Wife thinks it's quite a normal request...Poppas are always right according to her even if they are a little "unpredictable" at times...I told wife that before we send anything I want to speak with Momma on the phone and we WILL tell her the exact amount we are sending and that's all there is to it...Wife was visibly "shaken" by my comment...

[RickM]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

the most part has expressed sincere "unattached" emotions about the facts I presented and I have to deeply realise and respect that...
My intentions certainly are not to hurt anyone but rather "help" someone.It just feels like "dishonesty" should "not" be rewarded and that I often feel like I am only fueling the disfunction even further...
Not to be or feel selfish,but how noble is it to "me" to ask for "my" help (my hard works and earnings)and use it for other than what the origional intentions were
Like I told the wife...I'd be happy to help improve her parents lifestyle but if someone needs ukk-around money for a mistress,drinking or gambling...Let them provide it for themselves...get a job and knock your self out...But please...don't take it from the house kitty and ask it remain anomoyus...I wonder how my wife would feel if I started disappearing from home for days on missions and suddenly our bankbooks became lighter And that my friends I suppose is the whole moral of the story...

[John K]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

For good or ill, doing that is going to shake up the domestic situation over there.

I think you already suspect the reason why the old man wants the money separate and unknown from his wife.  I'm certain I do, given my experience with the Russian lifestyle.  I think taking the high moral road is going to give your new family grief, however.

If your wife and her mother are willing to abide by their "status quo", perhaps you should take a moment to think about why they are doing it.  There may be underlying societal and economic issues here, that you might be endangering by trying to take "the straight path."  In Russia, the paths of life are rarely straight...

Just my 2¢.  Do not take it while operating any heavy machinery...

[outwest77]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

I would at least talk to a few people who know the customs there, etc and not impose your standards and demands upon the situation without considering his pride etc, and saving face for him, etc, other cultures have much different rules and ways of doing things.........

[CS767]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

Rick,
  I have always believed the axiom "go with you gut feelings".
I add,sit on it for a few days then act.Praying about it works for some.Evaluate all these posts and make your decision.You have shared it here, so it is now cut in half.Thanks for sharing this,I may be in the same situation some day.cs

[Pordzhik]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

Firstly shouldn't you speak with the old man about why he has made this request?

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to How Well Do You Know Your Russian Family..., posted by RickM on Apr 3, 2003

Do you want to humiliate the old man?