How much $$$ help

[CS767]

I have had several discussions with friends and experienced guys about how much support money to give after one decides to file for the K-1 visa.My friend Fred who just married his fiance' two weeks ago stands on $50/month.He said it doubled her income.She told him that was plenty of money.He paid for all of the translation,transportation for medical and all related expenses,so it was just extra.Could we please re-kill this dead horse.I am sure its in the archives somewhere.Thanks in advance.

[CS767]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

Thanks to all of you that posted.I printed all of them for reference.I see that each situation is slightly different.I will
pose the work or not work question when I arrive in the Ukraine.I agree with the driver training,the extra English lessons,the "bump up" in lifestyle.I feel like I have a keeper and I will treat her well.Her best friend here and her husband see how I live(well) so I would be remiss "going on the cheap".
It will come back to haunt me later,I feel.

[Jack]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

CS,

 There is NO correct answer to this question!

 As Charles and Keith eluded too, each situation is different. Your situation will dictate how much money you decide to send. And this is not some woman you have never met, this is a woman you have met and you have asked her to be your wife. Of course it's all right to send money to your potential future wife!

 CS, after several years of looking and meeting X number of ladies, when I found and met my Natalia I was pretty sure she was the one. So once she agreed to come to America on the fiancée K-1 visa, I knew I was changing her life. Natalia was a hard worker and had a good job as a chef that paid about $200 a month. She was the primary provider for her family of five, which included putting thru school her two younger sisters that she greatly loves. Her step father was the somewhat typical Russian man who drank a lot and didn't work so often. Her mom worked hard but made probably around $60 a month. Natalia, at 26, had never driven a car in her life. I knew once she got to America this was going to change. Natalia felt her English was not very good, although I found it to be fine. So, with her to be leaving Ukraine with-in four months, I told Natalia I wanted her to quit her job, I wanted her to take driving lessons (a lot cheaper to teach them how to drive there than here!), I wanted her to take some computer lessons and English lessons. There is no way she could do all these things and still keep her job, although we did give her boss the option of her working two days a week, he said no, and she quit (he was stunned, he had no idea she would quit). Since "I" insisted she quit her job, I felt obligated to pay her what she was making while she was working, so in addition to paying for her driving, computer and English lessons, I sent her $200 a month, the amount she would have made if she were still working.

 Once a woman begins the fiancée visa process it will take her a fair amount of time to get all the paperwork, documentations and exams in order, much of this has to be done during the week, during normal business hours. Most Russian women feel there English is not so good and would like the opportunity to improve there English while the K-1 is being processed. Most Russian women will have never driven a car, and in my opinion, let her learn in Russia or Ukraine, it's well worth the $150 or so for driving lessons. And as I knew she would want to be communicating with her family via e-mail once she got to America, might as well have her take computer lessons, which cost a fraction of the expense there to what lessons will cost here. So CS, it all depends, every situation is different. Some men will have fiancées that were not working, some will speak perfect English, some will already know how to drive, some will not need money for a suitcase, some will not need dental work but if she does, it's a lot cheaper to have it done there!

 There is no single correct answer to your question CS, you will need to send whatever you need to send and not regret sending one penny of it.

[SteveM]

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Mar 21, 2003

Jack hit the nail on the head.  Some of you are/were in situations where you're showing up in the picture did not cause much in the way of extra expenses or loss of income.  If you do have those effects, you should not refuse to cover her losses.

In my case, my wife made money by going to Japan to work on 6-month contracts, where she made more money than the average person here does in a year.  I didn't think that it was asking too much to help cover living expenses for her, her mom, and her son for the few months before we got the visa approved (in those blissful pre-9/11, Vermont Service Center filing days).

BTW, she is doing quite well as an interior designer, and has paid it back many times over.

Everyone is different on this one...

Steve M.

[KenC]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

that thinks it is a huge mistake to ASSUME you HAVE send "support money" to your fiancee?  You have to support a WIFE not a fiancee.  Is this another form of "rent to own'?  Geez
KenC

[wilmc]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

Some questions you need to ask yourself:

1.  How much can you afford?  Remember the process is going to get very expensive.

2.  How confident are you about your chosen one's sincerity? Honesty?  Love can make us blind.

3. $50 a month. she must have lived in the country.  That would be much too little for a lady living in Moscow or St. Petersburg.  There you would need $100 to 300 per month I feel.  She is having a tough time just getting by now.  What extra expenses will she need to cover for the emigration process?

4.  I assume that you have visited this lady at her home.  What observations did you make concerning the cost of living where she lives?

Finally, let your conscience be your guide.

[Stevo]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

send so much that her improved lifestyle 'there' will be close to her new lifestyle when she gets 'here'. If you do that, then she'll be in for a rude awakening when she gets here (and so will you). Remember, a lot of these women think the streets are paved wih gold.

Now that my wife is going to school and no longer just associating with my friends and professional peers, she is meeting others who are in much lower socio-economic classes. This has proven to be quite a shock to her. Now she appreciates her situation much more than she did (she thought everyone lived like my friends and now she knows different). It has taken her 3 years to realize America isn't Beverly Hills 90210.

Stevo

[keithandkatya]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

It really depends on the situation. Yes, 50 dollars can be used to pay alot of bills. If you are sending money western union I would send 100 dollars and let your loved one know that it needs to last awhile- this saves money on the transaction costs from wu... once again so much depends on the situation... I feel a bit uncomfortable putting someone on an allowance... I felt more comfortable knowing my fiancee pretty well that if there was some concern about money it was a sincere one... my fiancee(now wife) never asked me for money... but I did send some when I saw there was a need for it... once again in my opinion you are pretty much on your own on this one... you know your girl and hopefully you know the situation from your conversations with her... do what you feel comfortable with and use good judgement... all the best,
Keith

[Charles]

... in response to How much $$$ help, posted by CS767 on Mar 21, 2003

This was discussed in the archives some time ago.  There is no magic number.  It depends on the situation as well as your fiance's attitude toward receiving money.  In my case I paid for some additional English lessons and training (around $200) as well as the required medical exams and related travel expense.  I didn't send any extra support money.  It is important to remember that many of these women are proud and independent and you should be careful in how you broach this subject.  If they say they don't need any money it is probably best not to pursue the issue.