? for the married guys that did WMVM...

[Zoidberg]

Hi... I know below is more discussion about WOVO vs WMVM.... You're probably all sick of it by now, huh?

I had a question for the guys that did the WMVM approach and are now married... If your current wife was the very FIRST girl you met, would you have missed out on a gem because you were so intent on meeting others?

I asked this question below but I got no answers so that is why I started a new thread...

Z

[RickM]

... in response to ? for the married guys that did WMVM... , posted by Zoidberg on Feb 17, 2003

Great Question Z...

It's soooo easy to fall into the "Great American Illness" of feeling that "Nothing Is Good or Many Enough"...It's just human nature...
I met my wife first and had back-up plans and even air-travel tickets I never used after I met the first lady on a trip where I had WM (written many) and had actually planned to VM (visit many)...It (VM) Simply Never Happened...)

Once I first laid eyes on my wife at the airport when she met me there I was like a disabled ship "stuck in a sandbar"...She turned out to be "more" than everything I'd imagined about her.In person and as each day went by and we were together it just got more and more comfortable being with her and it was becoming very easy to imaginge spending the rest of my life with this lady...

Don't get me wrong...I'm human...I was "meeting" and "looking" at and "comparing" all her beautiful friends,workmates,family members and taking in all the "sites" along the way on the streets,at the agency that arranged our meeting and at places we were going to daily and the ole "single Guy Mentality" was kicking in thinking why in the world would I want to be tied down to just ONE ....And what will the next one I meet be like???...And the next???...

UNTIL....I finally realized why it was exactly...the reason that I was there for in the first place....In hindsight...I was lucky and left my "American Mentality" back home and I remembered and realised that I wasn't in some  nightclub or out "carousing" somewhere back home...I was someplace very far away from my home and the reason I was there was because I was looking for the "ONE" lady that I could spend the rest of my life with happily ever after...It's difficult to do if one keeps the mentality that they can have "many" or keeps thinking always that the "better" or "best" is just around the corner...

I almost wasn't ready to settle down when I met the FIRST and perfect woman for me...BTW...I used the extra credited money from the air tickets I never used to go meet "another" in another part of Russia to get my new WOVO fiancee over here to the USA...I suppose I could "still" wake up every morning thinking and wondering what I "missed" around the next corner and who could have been around the next corner but instead I "choose" to think that I am a very grateful and very lucky man to have the wife,family and life that I "now" live and posess and "as each day passes"....I hope this speaks volumes about my opinion of your question Z...YOUR WHOLE QUESTION WAS ALL ABOUT "ME" AT ONE TIME AND ABOUT "WHAT WAS IN MY MIND"...

[KenC]

... in response to ? for the married guys that did WMVM... , posted by Zoidberg on Feb 17, 2003

Ziodman,
I didn't miss any gems because my wife is the best gem of all.  What I DID accomplish by writing and meeting others is to confirm my original choice.  To hook up with a woman like my wife is a wonderful and magical experience, but to KNOW without any doubt that she is the right woman for me, is priceless.
KenC

[Zoidberg]

... in response to No, but, posted by KenC on Feb 18, 2003

Hi Ken.... I agree with you.. It is priceless to find the right one... my point in asking this question is yes, it can happen by meeting only one... it can also not happen meeting just one. But the same thing is true if you meet many. We might be trying so hard to compare her to others, that the gem could easily slip through your fingers... I am happy you found the right woman for you and I hope I find the same happiness.

What I don't understand is why would you feel the need to compare your gem to other women to confirm your thoughts? This is not to argue... I just don't understand this kind of thinking, that is why there are always going to be people who WOVO and some that will WMVM. It doesn't mean I think this kind of thinking is wrong, it's just that we are all different and we can get to the same destination by using different routes... I am 39 years old and I have dated women. I have a comparison already. I know what I am looking for and when I find her I will know. I am doing the WOVO approach now and one thing about doing this is when we meet we will know each other well. I'm not saying we'll fall madly in love and live happily ever after. I know meeting is very important and there has to be chemistry. I think you can vastly improve your chances by writing and talking on the phone over time. The key in WOVO approach is you need to follow through with warning signs. When they happen, you need to think with the right head. I think that is where some people make mistakes. They don't listen to those signs...

If I were to WMVM and only writing each for a month or two then I understand about the comparing part of it... Because you are basically meeting a stranger.

When I was new on this board, I almost did something I would have regret. That was to listen to the advice of some people on here thinking that WMVM was the only approach. I almost did something I am not comfortable with and that would have caused more failure then any method. I think newbies on here need to make the decision on who they are. There are some people on here that think anyone that doesn't do the WMVM is dumb... I take offense to that and that kind of thinking probably casues more people to fail then anything else. Bottom line is you have to be comfortable with the way you are doing it... We are humans, we all think differently.... What I don't understand may seem clear to you...

I don't think there is any right way or wrong in doing this. It's all up to the couple involved.

Z

[KenC]

... in response to Re: No, but, posted by Zoidberg on Feb 18, 2003

[This message has been edited by KenC]

Zoid,
You will not get any flak from me about WOVO.  You are right on the money when you say you have to find the way that you are most comfortable.  When it is all said and done, you can only marry one anyway.  LOL.  I firmly believe that no matter if you have a "casting call" of hundreds of women, your success or failure is still dependent upon your judgment of ONE woman: the one you choose.
-
My original reason for going to Russia was to meet my wife, Lena.  Please note the word "meet."  I was not desperately seeking a wife and my dance card was rather full right here at home.  Here in lies the difference between what I did and what most do.  The irony of our situation is that Lena was in the same "place" as I.  What are the chances for two people to get involved with each other through a marriage agency that do not have a priority of getting married?  What even make our situation stranger is that Lena had no desire what so ever to leave Russia.
-
Lena and I became quite close after more than 3 months of phone calls.  (She wasn't much of a letter writer.)  The phone calls were made almost daily through that period.  We both tried our best to keep a lid on the romantic scenario because we had not yet met face to face.  We exchanged some rather nominal (money wise) gifts, photos and even a video tape.  We both went on living our separate lives but rarely did we ever miss our phone call.  It just got to the point that I HAD to meet the wonderful young woman that captivated so much of my attention.
-
I was very pessimistic about the chances of our relationship going any further than friendship.  First of all, we had a huge age difference (25 years).  Secondly, I knew the probability of our phone friendship to convert to a real relationship was a long shot at best.  I had met many AW after getting to know them via the Internet.  Usually, it is just not the same.  Again, Lena had the same outlook on meeting me.  Let's just say we were both guarded, but very excited.
-
This is the point where some "out side" influences entered into the equation.  Lifetime Partners owners had been my sounding board for all my newbie questions regarding RW.  I didn't have the luxury of a forum like this one.  They strongly advised me to meet with other women.  They knew that Lena was an odd duck in their organization.  She had been approached by many AM and many had tried to match with her unsuccessfully.  They knew that she was not hell bent on becoming married to anyone.  Probably the only reasons she was not kicked out was that she didn't scam anyone and she was very good looking.
-
In a way to satisfy my mentors at LTP, I made a list of other women and began to correspond with them.  They were a fine group of women that ranged in age from 21 to 37.  Most were older than Lena.  LTP is not known to have many women in the upper age groups.  While in Tver, I met most of them and dated a few.  I had absolutely no problem with "no shows" as some have indicated here with regard to LTP.
-
When Lena and I first met face to face, it was magic for both of us.  Thirty minutes later, we were toasting Champaign with our arms interlocked.  We couldn't have written a more fairy tale like ending to our story.  Needless to say, our relationship quickly moved from friendship into something much more.  Still, we both maintained our conservative nature and didn't profess our love to each other until months later on my second trip to Russia.  Just for the record, we never committed to getting engaged until months after she came to America.
-
So, was meeting the other women in Tver a waste of my time?  Not at all.  It truly gave me a good comparison for my relationship with Lena.  In many ways women are women no matter what country they come from.  But, it is very easy for American guys to be overwhelmed by Russian women because of the differences with AW.  Their feminine ways are just foreign to us Americans.  I have the peace of mind in knowing that what Lena and I have is very special.  I know that even other Russian women (let alone AW) Just don't compare.
KenC

[Zoidberg]

... in response to a long answer, posted by KenC on Feb 19, 2003

n/t

[thesearch]

... in response to a long answer, posted by KenC on Feb 19, 2003

s

[ChrisNJ]

... in response to a long answer, posted by KenC on Feb 19, 2003

a happy ending like yours.  That is, when I finally get off my azz and get over there.

All the Best.
Chris

[Zink]

... in response to Re: No, but, posted by Zoidberg on Feb 18, 2003

You summed up what I was trying to say better than I could. It's nice to know someone else thinks along similar lines.

[RickM]

... in response to Re: No, but, posted by Zoidberg on Feb 18, 2003

nt

[mender]

... in response to ? for the married guys that did WMVM... , posted by Zoidberg on Feb 17, 2003

I didn't choose the first woman, I went to visit twice. The second woman decided USA was to far from family. Third time was a charm, after 2 years of calls and 7 visits.
If I was to do it again, I'd go with wovo, but if that was fruitless, I would also try and develope a relationship, by chatting up women in public. I know a LITTLE Russian, and can indicate my intentions, to them. Met a lot of fine potentials, in the street, stores, bazarrs, etc.

[Jack]

... in response to ? for the married guys that did WMVM... , posted by Zoidberg on Feb 17, 2003

Z,

Will gladly reply to your question, which is a good one, but the reply might be a little lengthy and haven't the time right now but should in a day or two.

jb