Trip to Ukraine!

[dandy]

... in response to Re: "Christianity", posted by Rags on Feb 20, 2003

She speaks English and I speak Russian.

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Trip to Ukraine!, posted by dandy on Feb 20, 2003

I'm on your side and I get a little disgusted with the critisism around here at times. But if you can decipher Yoe's meanings and get past LP's grumpiest old man routine they do offer decent advice occasionally. And there are a few more hiding in the background that don't post often but should be listened to. Learn to develop a thick skin if you want to play here. Read everything and pick and choose the odd bits that suit your thinking. Don't even try to win an argument because some of these guys will never quit and it's just a waste of time.

I can't help you with cultural differences because I don't know you or your girl. I've found that the cultural differences were less of a factor than personality differences. What made me write this was,"Will someone please help me understand the big advantage that a
second or third trip will give you?" What I will do is give you a quick summary of my first relationship with an RW. Maybe you'll see some similarities, maybe not. Do what you want but be aware of what can go wrong.

I wrote to my girlfriend for 8 months before I was able to visit her. She was an agency girl but I was the only guy she ever replied to. She quit the agency after she met me and she isn't involved with the internet anymore. We shared the same values and wrote long letters 3 or 4 times a week. But our letters were translated. And the interpretor thought she was doing us a favour by embellishing a little. Nothing serious but enough.

I went to Russia for 3 weeks and my girl and her family were with me almost every day. I was in heaven. The hardest thing I ever did in my life was come home without her. She was everything I'd ever dreamed of. But I wasn't the kind to propose on the first date. So I came home and began planning the next trip in 3 months. We talked an hour or two every week on the phone. And then I went back for another 4 weeks. At first everything was as good as the first time. But the longer we were together the more week noticed small quirks about the other that we didn't like. Not a big deal for me because I was still head over heels for her. But she wasn't so certain anymore.

Near the end of the 4 weeks we had a couple of big fights. I don't get mad easily but she managed to do it and I made her cry. But we managed to get things sorted out and I said that I would come back again. So after another 3 months I was back in Russia for another 4 week trip. I almost bankrupted myself because I wanted to work things out with her so badly.

My last visit to her was like a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes good, often not. Over a year of great letters and phonecalls, less than three months together and that was it. We drug things out another couple months of letters and phone calls but we both knew it was over.

All in all pretty much the same time span as an ordinary relationship here. But things were distorted because our primary contact was letters. Letters are great. I write a lot of them. Asking the right questions helps. But they only show you the side of the person that they want you to see. Reality is often different. In my opinion you need to spend a lot of time with the person doing different things in order to learn what they are really like.

I don't know all the legal ramifications of getting a K-1 visa because I'm not an American. I don't know if it's easy or hard or how many you are allowed to bring over and send home. Personally I'd be very, very certain before I used one. You will only really get to know the girl after she arrives at your home. But time spent overseas with her can save you problems here. I'm not judging you because I don't  know anything about you. Just giving a real life example example.

[Mike]

... in response to Why more than one trip?, posted by Zink on Feb 20, 2003

n/t

[micha1]

... in response to Why more than one trip?, posted by Zink on Feb 20, 2003

In your profile, you said that if we wanted to know something, we only have to e-mail you.

It would be very good,  but your e-mail address in undisclosed.
Thanks
michel

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Why more than one trip?, posted by micha1 on Feb 20, 2003

True, I just cancelled the one that was there and haven't put another up yet. Someone had a virus and it was attaching my e-mail adress when it was sent out. I started getting several nasty letters a day from people I'd never heard of wanting to know why I sent them a virus. As far as I know it isn't possible to send a virus through hotmail but I killed the adress because I didn't need the hassle. I've got anonther now. If you want to chat send it to vsadneek@hotmail.com

[Watcher]

... in response to Why more than one trip?, posted by Zink on Feb 20, 2003

Dandy Listen to Zink!!!!He is your age but writes with more wisdom and insight into RW's  than most men on this board. You can take Zink's story and apply it to mine.Time frame is alittle bit longer for me. Mine was two years. But same number of trips and same emotional fireworks.And the parting almost the same. One thing though...I don't know your personality but be really strong and make most of the decisions for these girls. In my life in LA, I am surrounded by Type A people who has a good reputation of always following up their decisions with actions. So I let my colleagues work by themselves.These Russian women ...no matter how "strong" or "educated" seem to want the man to make decisions about the relationship for them.That's what mine told me after we had said goodby.If they want to get married and come to your Home it will have to be you that suggest it and make the arrangements. They have many fears and friends and family member telling them all the negative aspects.In the end I was surprised that my RW ..a physician.. said that I should have told her to get ready to come to LA and make all of the arrangements, not ask her how she felt and how comfortable she was with coming to my home. She said that she had invited me to come to see her and her parents three times and if she was not interested in coming to my home in LA she would not have invited me back so many times.She said that I kept her waiting for to long that she did not think I was serious at the end, so she found a local guy.
Hey Zink... give me a call sometime.Let me know how it is going with your new girl.

[Zink]

... in response to Re: Why more than one trip?, posted by Watcher on Feb 20, 2003

Things are great for me right now as far as my girl goes. But I'm not going to post any details about my current relationship here. Old relationships I can do. But I'm respecting my current girl's privacy. I'll be in touch if anything new pops up. You know how to get ahold of me too.

[CS767]

... in response to Why more than one trip?, posted by Zink on Feb 20, 2003

Zink,
Great post, and very realistic and well said.This is the kind of post I get the most out of.It made me think about all expectations I am setting up in my head.I am somewhat compulsive so I need to occasinally stop and sit on my hands.
That is one of the great values of this sharing of experince,strength and hope-- Thanks

[ChrisNJ]

... in response to Re: Why more than one trip?, posted by CS767 on Feb 20, 2003

nt

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Trip to Ukraine!, posted by dandy on Feb 20, 2003

Everyone wishes you the best of luck.  Just look at both sides, as success rates as well as failure rates are all over the board.  Again, welcome...and you are in a good place to get advice.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Trip to Ukraine!, posted by dandy on Feb 19, 2003

Hi Dandy,

Sorry you got drilled. (WOVOs usually do -- and WOVO success stories are especially Vilified ...) A lot of the best voices are no longer heard around here… they got run off by the politics … it’s a shame, but that’s the state of things now.

Much of what you seek is in the archives... although there is also so much crap there, I can understand why guys no longer want to wade through it all.

I am no expert on Ukranian vs. American cultural differences... (that IS the actual question you asked... right?)

I am married to a Ukranian woman, and can tell you -- anecdotally -- some of the things we have seen. What is true for my wife might not be true for your fiance.

But, if you're interested, drop me a line at: markjoel60@hotmail.com, and I'll be happy to tell you what I have observed...

Good luck!

[CS767]

... in response to Trip to Ukraine!, posted by dandy on Feb 19, 2003

Hey Dandy,
    I am only at my third or 4th post here so what the heck.I am here to learn also.I got a lot out of going thru the archives  and looking at various topics and opinions.I also looked at every webaddress that was printed and learned more.Some weird pictures of people on buses--lol
The only dumb question is one that isn't asked--Was that, Will Rodgers?I am going over in May to Sevastapol and see one lady.I am of the WOVO type(write one visit one)That acronym took me a couple of days to figure out.I really enjoy all the postings even the guys that put others down,cause I know why they do--so they will feel superior to others.Some are just trying to be funny and get attention.Take it all with a grain of salt.Ultimitley you will be responsible for your own choices anyway.(Shoot in foot after careful aim)Thanks to all!

[LP]

... in response to Re: Trip to Ukraine!, posted by CS767 on Feb 19, 2003

...yer full deflection on that opinion, better call for a miss now. Just because you're using yer own VDP doesn't mean it's right. Better stick with whats on the plate, I'd hate to think you were a flaps up, gear up, shut up, kinda guy.

It's not that black and white, there is valuable advice to be found in viewing the dark side of the equation. The guy can certainly do what he wants but if it blows up he'll just be another in a long line of statistics that blackens the public image of this process and could conceivably lead to legislation or controls that make it harder for those who follow.

Contrary to what you think, no one here wants to see another one of these deals end up in a smokin hole. Also, if yer gonna hang out here you need to understand this place is kinda the virtual equivelant of a hat base. I accept that, so should you.

[CS767]

... in response to Hey Skipper...., posted by LP on Feb 19, 2003

Hey thanks for the opinion--Im not sure what you said, but
thanks!I guess you have some airline experience?I started on the Ramp and went to R&E school and A&P school then got all my ratings to fly.I started at age 20,in 1963 and just retired last July.
What affinity do you have for the airline business?
 Charlie s

[LP]

... in response to Re: Hey Skipper...., posted by CS767 on Feb 20, 2003

.....you flew the line and didn't understand what I said? I assumed you were a 121 ATP, a private ASEL/IFR would've understood most of that. Surely a 121 driver would've. Just what equipment were you operating when you retired? I've been an FO on the 737-500, currently left seat on a CRJ and hoping to move to a 747-400F in the future. (Pax are way too much hassle) Also typed in the Lear 35, CJ1/2 and hold a LOA for the Aero Vodochody L39.