... in response to after deep consideration......, posted by yoe on Feb 21, 2003Very informative and insightful, Joe. I want to add a few thoughts.
One of the biggest challenges in this adventure is logic and pragmatism. We're talking about three of the most powerful and unlogical forces at work here. Love, lust and need of survival.
See the following scenario:
Take one well established 45 year old western man. Then take an underdeveloped country filled with pragmatic women, or call it survivors.
Add a dream in the head of the man. A dream of unspoiled women, a dream of being loved without a lot of buts, maybe a dream of past times when women did certain things and men other things.
Then add a dream in the head of the women. Yes, a dream of love, but also a dream of giving your children a future, a dream where you can afford to eat what you want, a dream of a nice house (like in the American movies), a dream of doing something else than just surviving.
Then add 3 weeks vacation to this man every year. Send him to this country for 2 of those weeks.
He's astonished. First he sees bottomless poverty. People without legs, women with half-dead children begging for money, old people with their backs higher than their heads and strange things growing out of their faces. And there are just miles and miles of them!
After the first impression has easened the man feels like a snack and maybe a little shopping. He's amazed by the low prices. He could virtually buy the whole country. He feels like a king!
After one week in this country the sun appears. He goes out on the street to enjoy the weather. *SHABOOM* 20 year old women in mini-skirts. They're not fat, they're not ugly and most important they're forth comming. As a small hottie passes by, the man looks at a striving woman at his own age. His eyes moves from the mature woman to his hand full of dollar bills. With one week of vacation left he quickly runs after the 20 year old. He asks if she want to join him for a coffee. She accepts.
The man is very lucky. After only one week he found someone he thinks is right for him. She's sooo gorgeous, SEXY and nice. She even says that she really likes him. He's in heaven!
She sees an established knight in shining armor. Ok, the armor is a tad grey, but she can learn to appriciate that. Their expectations "clicks" and more so. What about their hearts? What will their hearts do with only 1 + 1 week at hand?
For me it took one second to get interested in my wife and one year to love her. I had to fight one year before she got really interested in me and then one month to love me. I spent four months in Ukraine before marriage. She spent one month here. From when we first met till we married 18 months passed. Ok, we're all different, but you can't rush your heart into your tight schedule. You must make your schedule around your heart.
If you think that you can find your dream woman by just browsing the web, think again. Your brain might be very pragmatic and set on criterias (height, hair color, education), but it's your heart that should take the decision. Your heart looks for much deeper things. Things that are revealed when two souls meet face to face. If you meet the women before writing you can speak with your heart when you write them. Without it you're just writing a fantasy.
So Joe, my added recommandations would be:
1. Men, make sure you get more vacation than three weeks. Make a budget and take an extended leave without pay or something. Otherwise forget it. It's not for you. We're not talking talking about a calculated risk here. We're talking stupid!
2. Begin the adventure by going to Ukraine just to get aclimiated to the country. Hook up with a guide, meet people, but don't date. Look, but don't touch. The country by itself is big enough impression. Combined with mini-skirts on the streets it's just plain dynamite! :-)
3. Go home and THINK if you really want to do this.
4. Set wide criterias for what kind of women you want to meet. Remember that your heart doesn't follow your brain's criterias. Be flexible! E.g. my wife is 2 years older than me. Normally I wouldn't look for someone older than me.
5. Go back to Ukraine and date, date, date and date some more. If you must write before dating write only a very short time (Don't write a fantasy!).
6. Write those women you "clicked" with during dating for some period.
7. Narrow down your choices and continue courtship with writing, phone contact and visits. Make sure you live with the selected woman for some time before the final decision. Leave sex out of it as long as possible. You don't want to add another confusing ingredient (lust) to it all.
Of course there are many ways to Rome and we're all different. This is just food for thought.
So Joe, was the post long enough for ya? Just so you know: When I say "you" in the post I don't necessarily mean you Yoe, of course unless you really want it to be Yoe. Now... My wife sure won't like me giving you so much attention, so I got to go. ;-)
