[This message has been edited by yoe]

I thought I would do a simple outline of what I would think a prudent (if this is possible) attempt and marrying a foreign national
1. look through many site-spend 1-3 months just looking (unless you see one girl that just eats at your inner soul)
2. assuming that you find that one girl-write her for 3-8 months
a. also contact agencies that deal in this area
b. find other girls in this area just too maybe chat with as friends ie via chat rooms
c. if you find more than one write them all and weed them out in a few months.
3. if you are serious-do not make a girl wait for a year before you go. these girls are serious and men lie to them-always
a. plan on making your FIRST VISIT within 3-8 months
b. CONTACT AT LEAST ONE AGENCY IN THE AREA YOU ARE GOING
4. After you get engaged (90% of you will) get all information for a k-1 visa
a. make sure that you have visit many k-1 visa sites and the INS site to get your paperwork to take with you
b. if you do not make the love connection-do not worry-contact the local agency
c. do not feel obligated to marry this girl-
d. do not let your financial investment or fear of being alone for the rest of your life make your decision
5. this process will take 3-12 months
a. assuming you made a love connection-file the paper work
b. use a lawyer if you want but you CAN do this by yourself
6. plan on visiting your lady again in 3 months
(I say this just so that the initial Disneyland effect may have worn off and you can see if you your 'fiancé' can actually spend another week with you
a. I would not wait 6-12 months to be with your fiancé again
7. after your fiancé gets here........be patient, be strong and listen to her needs
8. God willing-----get married and live happily ever after
9. if you did not get engaged repeat steps that are necessary
10. there is much left out but the key is INFORMATION.
a.Have an agency in your back pocket.
b. to not feel rushed-especially if it is money
c. would you buy a BMW if you could not afford it? why travel across the world to force a wedding?
d.. always be honest with the girls but mostly to yourself
e. Good Luck and I hope this helps
Joe
ps I am sure that there is much I forgot or may have errored on so if anyone wants to add or edit-be may guest
LAST------GETTING MARRIED IS EXPENSIVE------GETTING DIVORCED IS A LOT MORE

... in response to Hey, RED..., posted by BURKE89 on Feb 21, 2003

What is it with you,
calling everybody RED,
I was a little red mickey
the other day,
today Joe is red,
you can shove your redneck
picket fence psychology up
where it will please you.

... in response to whoooo weeeeee..., posted by BURKE89 on Feb 23, 2003

Sorry Burke,  you are not  worth the time or the experience.
But you are very good on the personal attacks.
As for LP and Yoe, they can fend for themselves, I am sure.
When you will come out of the closet,  I wish, very sincerely
that you will be happy.

... in response to I'm feeling remorse..., posted by BURKE89 on Feb 23, 2003

..*your* english gonna improve? You make no sense 95% of the time. Whatsamatter? No comprendo down there in the land of fruits and nuts?

If I were you I'd move to Texas pronto, you'd fit right in there.....

... in response to I'll take Texas..., posted by BURKE89 on Feb 27, 2003

...you make sense about one thing: Gray, Barbara and Diane
are pretty sad indeed. The rest is, as always, shaken, not stirred.

Better cross back over the Rio Grande before it's too late....

... in response to after deep consideration......, posted by yoe on Feb 21, 2003

While I was writing several girls, I also spent a lot of time looking at scammer websites.  I have been checking this web site for several months.  The women I travelled to Ukraine to see was not the most attractive women (or so I thought).  Her picture had a very charming smile, after writing her for several months she sent me another picture that floored me with her bueaty.  I started writing her in June of last year.  I made the decision to fly to Ukraine in October.  All the women I were writing were in Ukraine,  I didn't know which one I would see at this point (I was only going to see one,  I would feel like I was shopping through feelings if I spent time seeing many).
I found this girl through an agency that worked in the area. I looked all over the internet for information about this agency. There were no good things listed about the agency, but there were no bad things either. People will always report the bad and very seldom report the good. So far my experience has been wonderful. I visited her for the first time almost 8 months after we started writing. I took the INS paperwork with me just in case.  I had already made a connection with this girl before I went (I will explain this later).  I did not make a connection with any of the others.  The paperwork I will not do myself (I get 100% free legal advice work and counsel).  Now that the paperwork has been sent in I will be making another trip to Ukraine in May (I bought the plane ticket while I was at the airport after my arrival back home). Getting divorce is expensive, I hope I don't have to ever go through that, but hey, I get free legal counsel as I stated above.

Why I chose her and felt like a week was not rushing.  We have been writing for more than eight months now.  I have talked to her on the phone every wednesday morning (in Ukraine) before she goes to work since October.  We have wrote at least 2 lettes every week since July.  In each letter we ask each other 10 questions, I choose my questions from my experiences at work (I am a research Paralegal for the Family Law, and Estate Planning section of a Law Firm).  I have seen people get divorced over such things as severe abuse to Jicama (a South American vegetable).  There are no right or wrong answers, just more desirable answers based on personal opinion.  I probably would have to think about what her favorite color is, but, I can tell you which family members she expects to buy gifts for every holiday (ie aunts/uncles, grandparents, siblings, step-siblings...).  I also can tell you what she would think about her mate using her toothbrush.  Some of these may sound stupid but think about how much you can learn from someone about their answers. Each answer forces them to talk, explain and open up.  After you ask enough questions that deal with certain underlying issues you can start to look for lies and inconsistencies.  She was very consistent and her answers were really captivating. She did not try to sleep with me.  That was classic, on one side of the equasion she has morals, or she has a really good manual about pulling a scam. She asked me a question that may be honest or it is just from the aforementioned manual that is really good. She asked me if she came to the US and didn't like it if I would be willing to move back to Ukraine with her. The final reason is this.  I am a very unconventional individual.  If you were to see me at work you would never guess I am who I am at home.  If you were to see me with friends you would never guess I have the job I have.  It takes me a long time to open up my personality to people I don't know. People that I have been able to open up with have been my friends for years. The more I have to lose (aka a future wife) the harder it is for me to be myself.  I had no problems being myself around her.  I have only met about 5 people in my life that I have been able to do that with.  For example, She chased me all over the apartment with a slime covered spoon because I was making the universal gagging/make myself puke symbol while she was eating shrimp.  

I have already put in for the K-1. I will be going over in may to see how things go. If they go well then I will go over two months after that.  Hopefully by then she will be able to come to the US. I plan on taking all 90 days allowed by the K-1.  If it doesn't work out then I don't have to marry her.  I have no intention to send her back to the Ukraine broke and heart broken if it doesn't work out.

That is my story.... kinda long.  Tell me what yall think.

... in response to Ok, you asked...., posted by LP on Feb 22, 2003

If it doesn't work out here I will make sure that when she goes home she will be financially stable enough until she can get a new job.

... in response to do you only see the dark side?, posted by Stan B on Feb 22, 2003

.....I look at all sides Stan. The difference is the bright side has never bit anyone and needn't be worried about.