message to dandy and other newbies

[keithandkatya]

Hi Dandy,

First, I want to wish you luck and wisdom in your search.

I have been with my wife for about a year and half. It does not make me an expert but I do have a bit of experience to share and like everyone who has responded (even the one's you probaly think are yahoos) to your original post I want to give you some kind of guide to the promise land. Some will say the road is paved with gold and some will say it is paved with landmines- of course the truth is a bit of both.

First rule:  there are no rules... sort of defeats the purpose of my letter eh.. LOL.  I guess you could say follow your heart and brain but that would leave out lady luck and you will need some of that as well... but the truth is there are no rules and every situation is different

Second rule: okay so I need to say something other then there are no rules...   KNOW THYSELF AND YOUR LADY!!!  what do you want out of this? what are willing to give? take time to know your women- my opinion-or should I say my experience-which may be different than your experience in the future- writing letters to know your woman is a problem... the turn around time, the lost letters (by the way for some reason letters with stamps seem to get lost and the ones that are metered -I believe that is the term get to the destination without much problem)--- so my suggestion - find out what long distance company has the cheapest rates and call her frequently- get to know her- connection will not always be perfect but it beats the heck out of trying to know someone from an occasional letter. If you can afford to travel several times- to see her the better- but as you pointed out- the girl who wants to scam you -if she is really good at it - will--- just keep the radar up- use common sense- meet her parents- friends- judge with your big head and not your little head-

Third rule-- see first rule- ha--- okay here it is- dont put all your faith in any guy's experience or advice- your experience will be different- it may be a small difference or a large one- but it will be different- dont get emotionally upset or connected with any of the stuff that goes on here at the board- guys are trying to help in their way Im sure- but so much seems to be BS- petty fights...guys with large egos and small units that think they are experts... bla bla bla and the bigest critics are usually those that dont have the balls to go out on a limb and do it so they feel better by belittling those who are involved in the process- and also a few that have been burned- either because of their own fault or because simply they drew a bad hand--so my advice is look at some of the advice including mine and take it with a grain of salt and then--USE THE BOARD FOR OBJECTIVE INFORMATION ON THE VISA PROCESS, TRAVELING TIPS, ETC AND NOT AS YOUR DAILY OPRAH- BECAUSE IT WILL DISAPPOINT YOU IN THAT REGARD.

once again good luck and all the best,
Keith--
p.s. I know I rambled on a bit-not as concise as I wanted- if I had time to sit and edit all day- but then again this marriage thing and going to work do eat up time LOL---

[toma]

... in response to message to dandy and other newbies, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 21, 2003

Hello,

My fiancee is here and we have picked a date of March 22nd for our marriage. I will post more about the meeting etc later....my question is what INS or related paperwork do we need to follow up on...does anyone know? Since she has been in the US we haven't filed any paperwork or gone to the local INS office.I guess my question is we got the visa and she is here what is next in order for paperwork? Thanks for the help

[keithandkatya]

... in response to Re: message to dandy and other newbies, posted by toma on Feb 24, 2003

You need to apply for her adjustment of status-- and  then hurry up and wait... we have been waiting over a year now... I just got in from a trip down south.... If I can dig up the exact numbers of the forms I will post it for you in the next few days... if I recall correctly you need to do it before 90 days of her entering the country... good luck with the wedding... you will be busy the next 3 weeks... try not to let it overwhelm you... and enjoy... it is a very special time for the both of you,
Keith

[keithandkatya]

... in response to AOS, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 25, 2003

aos after your married..

[Richard]

... in response to Re: AOS, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 25, 2003

According to today's South Florida (Ft. Lauderdale) Sun-Sentinel, someone in the Miami INS has been indicted for giving people legal status based upon a sham marraige.

I tried to post the link, but it's rejected because no self promotion is allowed. I'll email it to anyone who wants it.

The gist of the scheme is that for $10,000 a broker would arrange a sham marraige for the person and arrange to have this particular INS agent handle the aos.  Supposedly he would process the paperwork without requiring the interviews.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to message to dandy and other newbies, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 21, 2003

You said:

"so my suggestion - find out what long distance company has the cheapest rates and call her frequently- get to know her- connection will not always be perfect but it beats the heck out of trying to know someone from an occasional letter"

This isn't always true. It will especially vary depending on how strong the woman's English is. Victoria's comprehension of written English was much better than spoken English. We could tackle much more in a letter than we could on the phone (or even in person, initially).

Sometimes when we would be discussing something important on the phone, she would ask me to write it to her in a letter, so she could respond.

The phone calls serve a different purpose, I found. I knew Victoria best through our letters... but the phone calls made a connection which was important during the long months apart.  Also, they know it isn't cheap, so the gesture is not lost.

But I agree a lot with your post. Especially "non-rule #2" ...

[keithandkatya]

... in response to Good Post -- only addition I would make, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 22, 2003

Yes, you make a good point... your situation was different than mine - so writing letters made more sense for you... which goes to my central point -- every situation is different... and you have to act according to your stuation..  and I also said take my suggestions with a grain of salt LOL....geez Ive spent more time on the board the last day then the past 5 months... and really I dont have the time for it... good luck to you mark, dont really know you but the few posts Ive read sounds like you have some good common sense and a good sense of humor.. and my sense of smell tells me my wife's cooking (soup) is ready- lunch time!
Keith

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Good Post -- only addition I would m..., posted by keithandkatya on Feb 22, 2003

Soup, eh?

We have soup maybe three times a week. Lucky for me, I love it!

Last night Victoria made Lasagna...which is amazing because she had never had it before.

I bought her a cookbook, and she loves picking out new things and making them. She's made Tortilla Soup, Apple Pie, and Lasagna.

She tells me that she hated cooking in Ukraine, but loves it here. I asked her why, and she said it was difficult cooking with the same ingredients every night, and trying to come up with interesting food.

Here, she is amazed that she can pick any recipe she wants, we go to the store, and she finds what she needs -- no matter what time of the year it is!

BTW, my nose tells me that tonight she is baking fish... doesn't exactly take a well trained nose to pick up that!

[Stan]

... in response to message to dandy and other newbies, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 21, 2003

I would have to largly agree w/ Kieth. I have been married for almost two years now and Tanya was the only person I went to see. I will note that I was/am very lucky! The first woman I went to see took me in, hook, line and sinker. Actualy I think her intentions were good at the time but they changed while I was getting her K-1 ready and I think the "visits" from all the other guys didn't help. I knew nothing of this board while I was "in persuit" and after doing WOVO, I would advise anyone to always have at least an agencies phone # if you went over to see just one woman. I personaly, and this is a personal thing, could'nt "meet" lots and lots of women in a short time, , it's just not my bag. Never has been, never will be.
Like I said earlier, things are wonderful 99.8% of the time.I know each relationship/ woman is unique, but for you new guys just getting your "feet wet", you better dig your toenails in to hang on cause the highs are HIGH, and #*% those lows.   Trust your gut, it's trying to tell you somthing and don't rush into a situation that WILL change your life like you can't even imagine, (hopefully for the best) Had that 1st one came over and we had gotten married,,, WoW, I shudder to think! I would have been worse off than that poor guy in Las Vegas. So I was very glad I went over to Mariupol a second time just weeks before her Warsaw interview to check in on things. They were totaly different than the first time and we ended it there. But I was back later that summer to Crimea for over a month and am glad things turned out how they did.  
Just my two kopoek's worth
Stan in Oshkosh

[CS767]

... in response to Re: message to dandy and other newbies, posted by Stan on Feb 21, 2003

Stan,
  Your post is breath of fresh air.I am a newbie and really enjoy the postings.I have learned a lot.I am going to Sevastapol
in April to see my new love.I am glad all you guys did all this footwork for me so I don't have to make all the mistakes.Some,I guess are unavoidable.I am using the WOVO approcch but I do have an agency in Krivoy Rog that I am a member of.so I do have an agency contact.I also have a good friend here in PHX that just brought his lady over.He is a lot of help to walk around some of the mine fields.
 Charlie

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Thanks Stan! , posted by CS767 on Feb 21, 2003

Having a friend who has been through the whole thing -- from courtship to marriage -- is a very good resource. Many people come to this board because they DON'T have a friend they can discuss this with.

And you are right... Absolutely you have to learn how to winnow between the chafe and wheat around here.

Usually a good starting point, I have found, is to pay special attention to the advice from the guys who have actually succeeded in this... A lot of the most strident posts come from the guys who have either never tried, tried and failed, or are still frantically trying to find a way to make it work. That doesn’t mean that they don’t ever offer any good advice… but, I think, you need to consider the source… don’t you?

I mean, if you wanted advice on how to win an NBA Championship... would you ask Karl Malone... or Michael Jordon?

Good luck to you!

[CS767]

... in response to Lucky You!, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 22, 2003

TY

[Rando]

... in response to Re: message to dandy and other newbies, posted by Stan on Feb 21, 2003

Stan,

Did you go to see one girl? Im a little confused by your first lines. Sorry I dont know your story. Thanks

Randy

[Stan]

... in response to Re: Re: message to dandy and other newbi..., posted by Rando on Feb 21, 2003

Yes, in both relationships, I went to see only one woman, never had "Plan B", just walked blindly into the "Fire". That is why I would recomend to always have an angencies phone # at a minimum even if you are a "WOVO" type guy.
And I don't normaly post, too busy reading every 3 or 4 days and "The Russians" keep me busy! It's a job but well worth it if you find "a good one"

[micha1]

... in response to message to dandy and other newbies, posted by keithandkatya on Feb 21, 2003

I would dearly love it,
if you could e-mail me.
My e-mail is listed.