It's wonderful with a young wife, but....

[Horoshij]

I've noticed that most men on this board want a younger wife, maybe 10 or 15  or even 20 years. I understand it looks very attractive to get a young and hot lady. However, when time goes by, we will gradually get older and of course that will also happen to our wives, but if the age difference is let say 15 years and more, it means that most of us will lose some of our power while our younger wives still has a lot of desire and strength. That can be a problem for most of us. Of course  we think that our desire will never be weaker, but that is life, we get older all of us, and the truth is sexual desire will not be the same any more. Of course we  can trust in celery, but who knows :-).

Another issue I would like to ask you about. What do you do married American men do to  give your wife a secure future. Mark and KenC and all the rest of you, I know you love your wives, but because they are so much younger than you, they will live longer. Also women in general live longer than we men do. (I don't know why, maybe their attitude towards life is more healthy). Have those of you who is married thought about it how to give your wives a good life after you have passed away?  We have invited a foreign lady to come to us, and she is living in a foreign country where she has no family and a little network, only us. What will happen to her if and when we pass away?

I don't know how the situation is in the USA, but in Norway you need to be a member of the people's pension many years to get the full benefit of it. I can be a problem for an immigrant. How is it in your country?

Haroshij

[juio99]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

Haroshij, you are right in asking your question, and I can say that USA is quite different from Norway.  As I understand it, Norway is somewhat homogeneous with regard to situation of retired persons.

In USA, there is a tremendous dispersion of possibilities for retired persons.  Most, but not all, are covered by our social security system.  And, the wife does not have to belong to the system for several years to be eligible for benefits.  She gets widow benefits even if she never works in USA.  Now, can she live on those benefits?  That all depends on what else is in the mix.  For instance, if she inherits a fully paid for home, and her husband was in a high earnings category, it may be possible.

For many in USA, their retirement income will be more than just from government sponsored social security.  They may be in employer sponsored retirement plans.  And, in addition, they may have their own self directed plans such as:  IRAs, Keogh Plans, 401Ks, 403b, etc.

And besides these retirement plans, many Americans have substantial assets in terms of multiple houses, raw land, income producing rental properties, stocks and bonds, savings accounts, etc.

JR

[MarkInTx]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

Victoria is about 10 years younger than me.

As she said in a post that got deleted, she thinks that is a perfect age difference.

Her mother, however, thinks I am too young for her :-) That was what she said when Vitoria first decided to write to me: "He seems nice, but he is too young. You need a man who is 50"

As far as me passing away, gee I hope its not too soon. By the time I die, (I hope) she will no longer be a stranger in a strange land. She will have been here for yers, speak the language, and (again I hope) have two children through college.

But, who knows?

[LP]

... in response to How young is your wife?, posted by MarkInTx on Jan 23, 2003

...that chance, although I'm not quite there yet. Too bad for her she didn't measure up. 10 years diff is the best you could do? Current one is 15, the last one was 20. Lol, lets see if you can do that when you grow up a little more.

[id]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

Now, I've put down some thoughts down below, please no-one take this personally.
While it is generally acknowledged that a consensus on the question of age cannot be reached,there's no reason why this topic cannot be discussed though. Ever since the beginning of my quest for the hand, and possibly, the heart of a russian lady I've been wondering about a few things, these being amongst them: How old should she be? and Do I have enough money? You've touched on both. I've searched archives on this forum and also, being a native russian speaker, on the RW forum. On this forum, correct me if I'm wrong, the majority would say something along the lines: you're only as old as the person you feel like. A variety of opinions were found on the RW forum, ranging from 'whoever looks for a wife 20 years their junior is a dirty old pervert' to 'he is 25 years my senior and I love him and it's worth living for, no matter what happens in 10 years', to more practical 'he gives her financial support, a good country to live in, and she gives him her youth and beauty, it's a fair deal'. I like the last one in particular. I would say that the difference of 10 years and less seems acceptable to the majority of RW.
  It seems only reasonable to me that a RW wanting to leave her country should be prepared to marry a bloke somewhat older than her, especially if she has kids or is over 30. And yes, they marry us mainly for a chance to live in a better country, to bring their kids up in a better country, no matter who says what, many of them really want to get away from the land of no opportunity, little pay, poverty, crime, rude people, total drunkenness and institutionalised corruption. That is mainly the reason why they marry guys older than themselves. I'm not saying they would marry anyone just to get out, some would though. But if someone still believes that they can find a woman there who would marry them just for themselves, I suggest they try Norway and see how they fare. That is not to say that those women do not love those who they marry, many do, but a woman can fall in love with many men, she chooses to only look at those from overseas and doesn't let any feelings develop for her countrymen. If someone is married to an RW and believes this is not the case, I can say: On ya, lucky you, but you are an exception from the general rule.
  OK, now the money. I must admit that from what I infer reading the RW forum, most of them have somewhat unrealistic expectations at first, later on they get used to the reality and most of them are still better off than they were before. You asked what will happen when her hubby passes away and she still has quite a few years to live. I can ask: what will happen if she marries a RM who will drink like a horse, will be poor all his life and will die of a heart attack at 52? Will she be better off?
  As for the sexual desire, I tend to think that most men can go till 60's and women stop wanting at around 45, not sure though.
  If anyone got offended by any part of my post, please accept my apologies.
Disclaimer: presented above is my opinion which is subject to change without notice.

[juio99]

... in response to Re: It's wonderful with a young wife, bu..., posted by id on Jan 23, 2003

Regarding sexual drive, I think you need to up the age for women from 45 to 55.  At least that is what my older male friends tell me.  However, it goes without saying that there is a very wide standard deviation or dispersion for each woman (and man).  The oldest woman I have been with (I think) was 52, and she was one of the most sexually demanding I have ever encountered.

But also keep in mind that women can have sex whether they want to or not.  It is only we men who have the handicap.

[Pordzhik]

... in response to Re: It's wonderful with a young wife, bu..., posted by id on Jan 23, 2003

Once they put themselves out on the internet there's a very slim chance they will attract men near to thier own age. There just ain't that many western twentysomething males looking east. How many 20's RW do you see who insist on an age difference of less than 10 years or 5 years?

They can find nice men near to thier own age from amongst thier countrymen,( it's a myth that they are all drunks and wasters) but given the situation in the FSU, it won't likely be possible for them to marry, unless they are willing to live with the parents.

For those who have visited these countries, how many children under the age of let's say five years did you see? Well I don't know about other cities but in Kiev and L'viv it was a rare sight. When my wife arrived here she was amazed at how many children she saw here, was stunned when we visited my friends house with his five children.

Most of the young men in Russia or Ukraine are just not in a position to marry and provide for a wife and children.

And that gentlemen is the reason why you are suddenly so much more attractive to a RW than a western woman of the same age.

[Horoshij]

... in response to RW know that, posted by Pordzhik on Jan 23, 2003

Pordzhik,

You are right in what you wrote that it is a myth that all Russian men are drunk. I've met meny hardworking and decent men over there. I know some of my wife friends and their husbands. Heh, I remember a funny story. In the beginning of the 80's there were reported a lot of foreign submarines in Norwegian fjords. Our navy tried to force them to get to the surface with dropping bombs on them with no result. In the end we began to distrust our own navy as they never got any result. Maybe it was only a gimmick from the military to get some more money for newer and better equipment. Then there started to come similar news from Sweden, and they didn't succeed either to show us any Russian submarine (hm, came to think of it, maybe it was US submarines :-)). Then suddenly one morning they found one Russian submarine that had run itself up on the beach and when it was low water, the submarine lay there completely visable for all of us, and if this was not enough, this happened close to the Swedish main marine base, Karlskrona. Well, one of the husbands of my wife's friends has a high military position, and one evening we had been out enjoying the night life of St. Petersburg, I asked him about this incident. "Oh", he said, "They had just been drinking too much vodka!" So what the Norwegian and Swedish navy didn't succeed with, they did themselves :-).

I'm 100% sure  that my wife loves me, however, I also believe that our good economy is also important for her. I notice how she likes to tell her family and friends in Russia about our way of life, though she does it with high discretion. Don't we all like to feel that we have success?

About children. It's also true what you say. In fact the Russian population is decreasing. They very often get only one child. Elena was very surprised to notice that it's not unusual in Norway to get 4 or more children, but when she discovered that women get one years leave of absence with pay for each child, she said that it was not so strange.

Haroshij

[Frank O]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

speaking for myself I own 2 homes (not mansions by any means) so that would be hers. YOu also have IRA's which are retirement plans. The best thing is to educate about managing investments. Hire a good CFP & be conservative. Make sure you don't lose what you have.

[Horoshij]

... in response to it's called financial planning..., posted by Frank O on Jan 22, 2003

It means it is rather profitable to be a freelance musician?

Haroshij

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: it's called financial planning..., posted by Horoshij on Jan 23, 2003

I happen to be VERY blessed enough to be able to do this. THere is nothing better in life than to be able to do what you LOVE for a living. I'm among those few & thank God for it EVERY day.

[Griffin]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

and for that I salute you.  :-)

[BubbaGump]

... in response to It's wonderful with a young wife, but......, posted by Horoshij on Jan 22, 2003

In the USA the wife will be eligible for social security (government retirement supplement).  The wife may also get a private pension if the husband had one from his company.  Most of us set up 401k plans which is our own retirement account like a savings account.  A lot of us are affluent so we should be able to leave our wives with a lot of money but we'll have to discuss finances so they understand what they need to do.  I have relatives and friends that could help her out but I don't know who will be around that far into the future.  That's one reason you need to have kids around.  You hope you can depend on at least one of them.

[Horoshij]

... in response to Re: It's wonderful with a young wife, bu..., posted by BubbaGump on Jan 22, 2003

Hasn't living on social security low status, and is too little for living good? The rest of what you wrote is like in Norway.

Haroshij

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: Re: It's wonderful with a young wife..., posted by Horoshij on Jan 23, 2003

You're confusing social security with welfare.  Social security is like a small a government retirement pension.  Welfare is paid to poor people to help them.  

Most Americans also have some other retirement money saved.  This would be usually an IRA (Individual Retirement Account) or a 401k (another type of retirement account).  Few Americans get a pension from their company anymore because we change jobs so many times.  

A lot of us from the USA looking in Russia have good incomes and a lot of money saved.  For men from the US the cost of going to Russia is high so we have to have more money than the average person.  From the US, it costs a minimum of about $3,000 to go over for 10 days.  I think Russian women that marry an American man will do OK since we have the money to support them.