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Author Topic: Kind of a cute story-  (Read 33803 times)
Oscar
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« on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
I called my fiance late from work the other day and asked her how her day was going and what she had been doing.  She told me that she had washed the sheets on all the beds.  I asked her what else she had been doing and she told me that was about it (besides studying her English tapes some).  I asked her why it took her so long just to wash the sheets (I had shown her the proper settings on the washer and dryer).  She told me that it wasn't washing them that took so much time, it was ironing all of them! LOL!  The poor thing had ironed ALL the sheets!  I told her that in America we really don't iron sheets, they are Permanent Press! She told me that she had always ironed the sheets at home in Ukraine.  We both had a pretty good laugh together..  ;-)

Another funny thing to me was that before she got here, I took the advice of some of the guys here and hired a three person crew to come and really deep clean my home for about 4 hours.  I am not a slob but I don't do the real heavy deep cleaning either, but nobody would have considered my home dirty, before or certainly after this cleaning crew.
So these guys are here with machines and scrubbing this and that and I'm thinking she's going to be pretty impressed right?  Well, a few days after she got here, I go home after work and I ask her how her day was.  She was shaking her head and told me that she had been cleaning and that my home was pretty dirty, LOL!  I think the cleaning standards for a RW are just a little bit higher than most perhaps?  ;-)
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tim360z
Guest
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Kind of a cute story-, posted by Oscar on Jan 10, 2003

my Grandmother was Russian and she always ironed sheets.  Today,  many sheets have a poly/cotton blend, so ironing in not necessary at all.  But,  if you get into high quality Egyptian cotton sheets,  100% cotton with a 600 thread count--you just may want them ironed. I think Oscar,  if you buy her some great quality sheets like the ones I mentioned, they will need ironing.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Sheets, Depends...., posted by tim360z on Jan 12, 2003

[This message has been edited by Oscar]

I wouldn't want to do that to her..  The permanemt press will be just fine!  She seemed kind of happy she wouldn't need to iron sheets anymore..
  ;-)
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MarkInTx
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« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Kind of a cute story-, posted by Oscar on Jan 10, 2003

Those weren't fitted sheets, were they?

It would take me all day just to FOLD them...
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KenC
Guest
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Kind of a cute story-, posted by Oscar on Jan 10, 2003

Oscar,
There will be many more cute stories too.  Thanks for sharing.  Part of what is going on is that she needs to "be needed" too.  Be careful in how you explain new things to her (like the permanent press).  You have to be extra kind and gentle otherwise she may feel stupid and useless.  I know that Lena had a low threshold for this when she first arrived.  It is understandable because of the difference in lifestyles.  It is tricky too because in some ways it is like they have to catch up to the last 20 years of consumer tech and in others they are right on keel.  An example of this is that Lena had limited knowledge of washers, dryers, dishwashers, drip coffee makers, hand mixers and food processors but became offended when I didn't know that she could program a VCR!  Hell, I can't program the VCR.  LOL.
-
I have a question for you and others who did the 90 day thing: Is there any indication that the woman is "auditioning" for the role of wife?  I avoided the K-1 partly because I didn't like the pressure I thought it would put on both of us. I would think the woman's mind would be spinning with thoughts of how to close the deal while the man was constantly evaluating and judging the situation.  I would also like to know how you have handled the "marriage question"?  How have you left it with her?  Is it, if things go well we will marry.  Or is it, come here and live with me for 90 days and we will see what happens?  Just how did you structure your deal with her?  Under what assumptions did she come here?
KenC
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Charles
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« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by KenC on Jan 10, 2003

I think your question about marriage expectations during the 90 day period is an important one.  While I am not sure there can be a generalized approach ("yes, we're definitely getting married absent something outrageous" vs. "let's see how it goes and we'll evaluate in 90 days"), I think it is important to both parties that there be some understanding as to what the ground rules are.  Like Oscar is planning to do, we got married at the end of the 90 day period.  However, as that 90 day period got closer to ending, my wife started to get anxious despite assurances that there was nothing to worry about.  I think it is very important that all men recognize that these women, particularly those with children, have made a huge change in their lives and they are all too aware of the emotional cost of going back.  So make sure there is clear communication and understanding as to what the ground rules are during the 90 day period.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by Charles on Jan 10, 2003

.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by KenC on Jan 10, 2003

Yes, I try to careful with her in the way you describe and I think it's very good advice.  I always try to notice what she may have done while I am at work (she can't drive or work here yet) and kind of make a big deal of it.  Like this morning, I put on my favorite navy cord pants for work and the button had been missing.  Well, it wasn't missing anymore!  I had casually replied yesterday that my stupid button had come off.  So I picked her up and gave her a big hug and kiss and thanked her.  I do the same with her son.  I am a big believer in postive reinforcement and praise.  I am sure more of these situations will come up (the technology thing) but she hasn't been too surprised so far.  Her family lived in their own home and had microwave, washer and dryer, VCR, a furnace that worked regularly etc..

As far as auditioning-
This is one major reason why I feel taking as much of the 90 day period as a guy can take is wise.  It is easy for a person to put their best foot forward for a few days or even a few weeks, but I feel it is unlikely that if a man exposes his girl to as many situations of "real life" (rather than just major fun dates) as possible, if there really is a problem, you are going to see some hint of it, even though a guy may not want to acknowledge it, what with the POB and such.
I feel a guy needs to see her (and she him!) in as many situations as possible.  And 3 months, living in the same house and spending every non-working moment together, all weekend, every weekend, is actually a LOT of time together.
I think it's very important to see just how she handles stress, resolves conflict, etc..

About "auditioning"-
I think too Ken that it really depends on the woman.  If she really is a scammer of any kind, I can see where the "auditioning" could be quite heavy.  But if a guy has really done his homework, has a little experience with RW women before this point, has spent a lot of time with her family and friends asking important questions, and used his 4-6 month waiting time talking about expectations, values and beliefs on both parts rather than phone sex etc., (LOL!)I don't think the auditioning has to be a factor.
I know that I have not once felt that my girl has been anything but what she truly is inside, from the start.  She isn't trying overly hard in any way that I can see and because of my work, I am extremely observant, not that I have a market on it or anything.  I was looking for a woman who was an excellent Mother because I feel these things lend themselves to less scamming activity as well.  I know that if her 7 year old were "acting", there is no way he could keep it up for more than like a day! LOL!  But not one single temper outburst or behavior problem!  He is amazingly obedient, but still just a totally fun child..  It is obvious to me that she has done a fantastic job with him and that also puts me at ease knowing that she takes her responsibility so seriously.  I met more than a few women there who's kids were a nightmare because they were too busy partying etc..

continued-
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by Oscar on Jan 10, 2003

About the marriage issue-

We both had felt very good about our initial time together in her country.  We then spoke a lot by phone for about 3 more months after that before diciding to start her paperwork.  She was not ready to just jump a plane and come here.  She has been married before, ended up with a guy who didn't want any family responsibility and she didn't want to make another mistake in pursuing another bad choice anymore than I did!

It was my 4th trip to the FSU and I had met a TON of women and I personally feel this helped me tremendously in feeling more comfortable with my "scammer radar".  I spent a great amount of time with her family and friends and not just hanging out but really asking questions to learn more about her, and they were very open once they got to know me.  I cannot emphasize to guys how important I feel this step is, because a scammer will usually find any excuse for you NOT to meet her family.
I was lucky in that my girl had never been in an agency (not that there are not some very nice agency girls), but she just didn't have the opportunity to become "jaded" like I found some agency girls to be at times.
I was also lucky in that she lived with her parents in their own home and who had been married for 35 years along with her brother and his wife.  I really wanted to see how they all got along (with ONE bathroom! LOL!)  They were amazingly loving, kind and close.  
With all these factors, not to mention I feel she is very attractive), I just felt like I had hit the Mother Lode after having met a TON of women there, some nice, some not so nice and others I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them!

In our decision to have her come here, the understanding was that we both knew we cared very much for each other and that she would come here.  After spending more time together, if we both still felt very good about our compatibility and in being able to make that decision that we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives, we would marry.  The nice thing is that she felt exactly the same was as I did.  She was in no hurry, didn't need an iron clad guarantee etc..  She wants to make the right decision this time for her and her son and neither of us is willing to compromise.
Her family is very supportive and that is nice as well, but then, I really took the time to get to know them well and I think they really appreciated that.  She has not once brought up the subject of marriage since being here and I know this is because she is more old fashioned in this respect and is waiting for me to ask her to marry me.  I know she would say yes, she says she loves me and her actions certainly would indicate this.  But it's different than I have experienced with other women because of it's consistency.  Now I know we have not been together for long, only a few weeks that she's actually been here (of course you have to also factor in the approximately 9 months of constant long distance communication) but I guess I mean the moodiness, the lability that many women I have been with seem to have.. it's just not there.  Just a consistant patience and caring that is amazing to me.

That's about it..
 

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KenC
Guest
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by Oscar on Jan 10, 2003

Oscar,
If it weren't for phone sex, some of these poor guys waiting for their K-1's would have no sex at all.  LOL.  I hear ya on the getting to know your future wife though.  We had a lot of cute stories based on language misunderstandings or cultural differences, but Lena and I really had no major surprises about who we were.  We also knew each other very well before she came here.  It is just too damn risky to jump into a marriage without thouroughly knowing each other.  Sometimes it works (StanB) and sometimes it doesn't (Travis/DavidSD).  Marriage is difficult enough not to tempt fate in jumping into it without completely knowing your spouse.  I am also happy that your finacee's son is so well behaved.  I have heard that a lot of RW tend to spoil the heck out of their children and especially the boys for some reason.
KenC
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Stephen
Guest
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to don't knock phone sex!, posted by KenC on Jan 10, 2003

Yeah....anymore, phone sex is the only kind of really "safe sex".

Stephen

(asian board)
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to don't knock phone sex!, posted by KenC on Jan 10, 2003

.
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Griffin
Guest
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Kind of a cute story-, posted by KenC on Jan 10, 2003
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John F
Guest
« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to The real KenC.  Welcome back!  n/t, posted by Griffin on Jan 10, 2003

Ken, I brought my wife to the states on a K1 and then waited until about two weeks before her visa expiration before we married.  Sure, she was anxious and we did have some serious discussions about not getting married immediately.  But, I never considered it an audition.  It was my feeling that I had become engaged to this really wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful woman who 90 percent of the male population of Florida would drool over and brought her here for the purpose of marriage.  However, after having spent time with her in her country and getting to know her family well I knew my environment would be a shock to her.  I also felt that she would immediately find our plentiful and indulging lifestyles as finding utopia.  I wanted everything to sink in to her, and for her to be sure she wanted to live the American lifestyle.  It would have been much easier to buy her a plane ticket home after a couple of months if she became homesick, if she was disillusioned at having to give up her career and status as a doctor, if she was unhappy staying home during the day until she could learn to drive and get a driver's license, if she didn't like our food, etc., etc., etc....  And, yes we did have to address those issues, and near the end of the visa period we got married.  And, I also felt much more secure in knowing she had enough time to experience our way of life and it was agreeable with her.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: The real KenC.  Welcome back!  n/t, posted by John F on Jan 11, 2003

Agree with everything in your post.  It really is as much for THEM as it is for us, to take some time before marrying..
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