I have been corresponding for some time with an RW from Latvia, and went to meet her a couple of months ago; everything went well, and I learned that she had been hurt emotionally quite badly from her previous relationships, one of which was with a western guy. Since then, she came over to stay with me for Christmas in the UK and New Year in Greece. Obviously I paid for her air fares, and for a trip to London, plus a pretty decent stock of Christmas presents. I’m pretty sure that nobody had so readily spoiled her before.

So, it was something of a surprise to me when this otherwise very nice young lady started dragging me around the shops when the opportunity arose, to buy souvenirs for friends and sundry items for herself, which she quite unashamedly expected me to pay for. None of these items were particularly expensive, but on top of what I had already forked out to make her happy, it soon began to add up. Not only that, but the sweet thank you kisses which had followed my early offerings were soon discarded, and eventually even the words “thank you” became obsolete. The trip to London was a bit of a washout because of the weather, and I know the noise, crowds and activity were a bit much for her, but I was surprised that she felt able to tell me quite so bluntly that she hadn’t enjoyed it, despite the fact that I had obviously gone to some trouble and expense (including more souvenirs that she asked for) to make it happen.

I know she was nervous about the trip, particularly after the bad experience she had apparently suffered on a previous visit to a guy from western Europe; as she frequently mentioned to me, he had made her feel less than welcome and had put her through some misery before she broke off the relationship and returned to Latvia. So, to avoided clouding the atmosphere I took this all in my stride. Then, some time into the trip when I could see that this was getting a bit out of control, and I felt we had got beyond that awkward stage, I began to drop the odd mild hint, half-jokingly, about my bank manager’s possible wrath, when I saw her heading for shop windows. She seemed to pick up on my signals, because she responded by calling me (also half-jokingly) “Scrooge”. That was hard to take after the amount of money I’d spent on her for the trip, including air fares, hotels and presents, but I bit my tongue (with very considerable effort) to keep things on an even keel.  

This girl has some great qualities, I am very fond of her and she does not seem to be a gold digger. I've met real RW gold diggers before, and she is very clearly not one of them. She has never even thought of asking me for money. But the fact remains that whilst she makes a (relatively) good living for herself in Latvia (which means a few hundred bucks a month) and I am clearly no millionaire, during her visit she spent virtually nothing (maybe 20 dollars.) And that was only because I had left my wallet in the car when we went to the supermarket (genuine mistake). I remember her demanding to know where I'd left it when we returned to the car, and frowning in silence as we drove home.

Just the odd token gesture would have been nice (I wouldn’t have let her pay, apart from the above occasion, but the offer would have been enough). I soon noticed that she was extremely cute about parting with her money but had no hesitation or compunction about spending mine.

What I would like to know (particularly from you guys who have, or have had, steady relationships with RW’s) is… is this fairly typical? Is it normal for these girls to expect to receive gifts on request in this way? Is it common for them to begin taking such things for granted so quickly? Is it simply a "culture" thing that enables them to speak their minds so "honestly" regardless of how the other party might feel? And most importantly, is all of this this a sign of things to come?  I’m not trying to save my pennies, I am just concerned about attitudes and motivations, and what to expect if this relationship lasts the distance (like, do I need to change my career?) Has anyone had to tackle this issue, and how did you go about it tactfully (bearing in mind that she may not realize what she is doing and how it looks?)  

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

I would echo the comments below that this is certainly not typical behavior for a RW.  In this situation, she should have fallen head over heels with the travel and gifts that you provided her, instead of the Ebenezer comment and related behavior.  In my case, I met my wife in Kiev and the Crimea for two weeks and we had a great time.  Then we followed that up for a long weekend visit in Paris and had an even better time.  By that time you would not have been able to pry us apart and at all times she was quite careful about money and even paid for a few things behind my back.  The fact that you're uncomfortable with the situation, for good reason, should tell you that this is unlikely to go anywhere, and you should cut your losses and move on.  She's just using you for money at this point.

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

I agree with the other posts here. Let me underline it by telling what happened to me today.

Elena and I went to the airport to meet a friend and drive him home. On the way we passed some big supermarkets, and we decided to enter to get something to eat and to have a look. They had already started the new year sales. We walked around and looked and she bought something to me and something to her family in Russia. She will soon go there on a little vacation. I told her to look and see if it was something she needed or wanted, and she told me she wanted to save our money.

On the other hand, I've met Russian women who behaved like the one you described. I agree with those who think she is a  pro scammer. Honest Russian women doesn't do like that. There is nothing in their culture that should explain a behaviour like that. Russian women think twice before they spend any money.

Be aware.

Haroshij

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

I just got back from Lugansk/Kiev in November & I wanted to take my Marina out on an "American" style shopping spree & spoil her. Well, I had trouble doing that. She was very reserved about having ME spend money on her. At first I took out a $100 bill & told her it was for her & to buy whatever she wanted. Well she refused it & said she wanted ME to buy it for her. I said ok. Then we went out shopped around. After about perhaps half hour we wound up at a jewelry shop where she tried out earrings. Eventually settling on a pair that cost around $70-$80. She sheepishly asked me if they were. OK? FINE! So I bought them for her. She gave me a thank you kiss & we left. It seemed awkward for her to spend my money. I even gave her the change from the transaction which she took rather reluctantly. She never asks for money (only on 1 occasion 6 months after we started corresponding;it's now been over a year).
In any case that's MY experience. On the other hand I have had OTHER women who just keep asking for money, "I need a cell phone", "I need English classes", "I'm ill" etc. You say she hasn't done this but obiously on this trip she not only turned out to be an ingrate but she MOCKED you when you hesitated to spend the money. I would talk to her about it & request an explanation. If not just dump her like a bomb over Baghdad.

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

Street,
This has some very bad vibes to me.  Xmas in London and New Year in Greece?  Damn, I'll marry you.  LOL.  Seriously, she sounds like the kind of woman that you should run from.  Her only priority is herself.  Think about it.  She should have been overwehlmed with just the travel, let alone the gifts you got her for Xmas.  She still wasn't satisfied.  To tell you that she didn't enjoy her trip to London, is a terrible insult to you.  What was her reason for the trip?  To enjoy the weather and sightseeing?  It should have been to spend time with YOU.  To expect you to buy her souvineers and additional gifts is insult #2.  To not show her appreciation with at least a warm and sincere "thank you" is insult #3.  Insult #4, the Ebenezer comment, would have had her azz packed back to Latvia with me.  The most telling insult (#5) did show her true priorities of her trip.  When you had to "verify" that you had truly left your wallet in the car puts the whole thing in perspective.  You ain't any good to her without your wallet.  Run and don't look back.
KenC

... in response to Gotta Agree., posted by tim360z on Jan 4, 2003

Tim,
I usually make excuses for RW not having a good grip on the value of money, but not this time.  This girl not only showed no respect to the man that was treating her like a queen, she kick him the azz with the "scrooge" put down.  There is no amount of conversation that can turn that kind of attitude around.  She is bad to the core.
KenC

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

They all cost money.  You're just approaching the marginal utility of this one.

... in response to Ebenezer Scrooge...., posted by Streetwise on Jan 4, 2003

No, it's not typical.
It's typical of the RW to expect the man to be a provider for the family, not a milking cow. I can't help but agree with the guys below. And that was a good question too, what did she give you for X-mas?
id