... in response to Questions for the married guys, posted by KenC on Jan 7, 2003Well, I don't know if I count... since I am barely married. However, since you referenced Oscar, who is not yet married... I guess I can weigh in with my data, FWIW...
1. Calling Home
My wife calls home at least once a week, and talks to her father for about 30 minutes. Stas also talks to his grandfather about 10 minutes a week. Over the holidays, she called her mother, her best friend, and her ex-inlaws as well. She calls her friend about every other week, and talks for 15 minutes (she sets a timer... she is VERY worried about running up a large phone bill). With her father, though, I encouraged her to talk as long as she wants to.
When her father was sick, she called home a couple times a week to check up on him.
I encourage all of this, btw. I see no need for her to feel isolated. I have an International calling plan with MCI that gets me $.12 a minute. I know there are better rates, but this is convenient and reliable, and that means it is about $5.00 a week, which is nothing.
2. Travel Home
Unhappily, we can't do this yet, but we are already planning our first trip back. As soon as we can go, we will. I expect that she will go back once a year at a minimum, and I plan to go with her as much as possible. The first couple of years, she will probably make two trips back per year.
He family wants to see her, and she wants them all to meet me, and Emily. She is making a list of things she wants to show me when we go back.
It helps her to plan. It makes it seem not so far away.
3. In-Laws traveling here.
I would LOVE to bring her parents here. I don't think that will be feasible. Her mother is gravely ill. And I just don't think that her father makes enough money to get a Visa. But we will be pursuing this. If possible, I would love to bring them over once every year... or at least every other year. I would love to have them here for the Holidays.
In this regard... I don't view my marriage as any different than being married to an American woman. I still have in-laws, she still has family, she still loves them, and they miss her and want to hear from her.
Victoria loves it here already. There are MANY things she likes better. But she misses her family, and I don't want her ever to feel like she has left them forever.
BTW, one thing you didn't mention:
Email. She emails a few times a day. She has friends there, her English teacher writes her, and she writes her father daily. (She also writes to my family regularly).
She has become very good at the computer, and enjoys sending and receiving email. (And, btw, she has seen this site... and has some interesting opinions about it... more on that another time...)
